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Song Parodies -> "Nuke Bomber Wasn’t Cool"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Nuke Bomber Wasn’t Cool"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

From memory: Back in the 1950s there was an obsession with all things atomic and so the idea (from Nazi Germany) resurfaced of an atomic powered aircraft and this was taken up by Convair as a variant of the B-36 bomber which was large enough to cary both a reacor and a 40 ton bombload (theorectically). The sole NB-36H, nicknamed the Crusader, would be the initial test aircraft for the reactor although it would NOT power the aircraft. That would be accomplished by 6x piston engines rated at 5200 hp each and an additional pair of J47 jets in pods underwing. The B-1 sodium reactor was loaded into the bomb bay but shileded from the crew by a mid-fuselage lead disc and the cockpit area was shielded separately with 11 tons of lead, rubber, and a water shield that weighted down the modified nose. The reacor had to be shielded to both protect the crew and to prevent interference with the instrumentation and automated weapon systems (8 turrets of 2x 20mm cannons). The first problem encountered was the massive weight gain by the reactor and shielding that brought the speed down to under 400 mph making the bomber a prime target for enemy interceptors. Although the range and endurance was supposed to be unlimited in theory, the exposure to reactor and heating issues meant that in reality it could only fly maybe several days to a week at a time before landing. Between 1955-57 it made 47 test flights with the reactor SOMETIMES on and then the reactor was pulled from the bay for analysis and reinstalled each time. This cost almost $500,000,000 during the life of the program and delayed construction of the X-5 test craft which would lead to the X-6 production war model. The idea of nuke bombers overflying cities was not popular either and a shoot-down or crash would be a disaster. So after testing, the original order for the X-5 was canceled and the entire program faded away as better jet tech came along that rendered the atomic powerplant idea obsolete. The NB-36H had several unique features: 10" thick reinforced glass in the cockpit, fuselage inlets for cooling the reactor, special red and blue side-striping and a radiation symbol on the tail to designate that it was nuclear, and addtional lead shielding around the reactor. The USAF was not happy that part of the reactor's job was diverted over to help lifting the additional weight of the shielding and reactor itself. Seemed self-defeating. The Soviets had a similar design. And the original idea came from 1945 Nazi Germany that envisioned nuclear power for power stations, weapons, nuclear powered subs, and nuclear powered aircraft, although their design was a hypersonic type bomber.
Nuke bomber wasn’t cool
waste of time

B-36 with reactor flew
Hard-learned lesson
Reactor testin’

No real demand for it
Multi-dangers found
Radiation deadly
More tonnage reactor added round

[11 ton shielding weighted nose down]

Nuke bomber wasn’t cool
waste of time
Declined

Flown for two
Flown for two
Flown for two
Years with the B-1 core
Called “Crusader”
Was hard to believe
X-6 ignored

[Real jets worth more]

Lunacy
Nuke bomber wasn’t cool
waste of time
(Idea came from the Nazis)
http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium/convair-nb-36h-alex-arkhipau.jpg

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Patrick - November 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Just got through watching a DVD of "K-19, The Widowmaker" about the Soviet nuclear sub reactor malfunction in 1961. The idea of a nuclear reactor floating around in the sky, just waiting to suck up a seagull and crash into a city, wow. What were they thinking? That's the sort of thing unlimited taxpayer money buys.
Rob Arndt - November 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Patrick, the Soviet version was the Tu-95LAL: http://www.aviation-history.com/articles/nuke-bombers.htm
Rob Arndt - November 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Info on the Nazi Atomic bomber: THIS is the US-reported 10,000 mph craft The most revolutionary project for a German hypersonic atomic aircraft came from the Kammler Group in Pilsen in 1945. The Skoda Kauba Uberschallbomber mit Atomantrieb project would have had a central heavy-water reactor which would operate atomic jet engines with lithium heat exchangers. The pressurized cabin of the aircraft would be reinforced with cement and could in an emergency separate from the main body and deploy a parachute, operating as an escape capsule. The 8th Army news in Triest actually reported on August 28, 1945 on page 3 that the Germans had conceived of a fast atomic aircraft that in theory could reach 10,000 mph upon completion. It, however, remained in model form and was not built as the Third Reich collapsed. It remained an interesting project that was investigated by the US Army and subsequently by the postwar USAF and NASA. http://img390.imageshack.us/img390/6370/skodakaubaatom.jpg

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