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Song Parodies -> "Calico Hard to Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Calico Hard to Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Calico M955 SMG was a total disappointment. This odd weapon looks like a movie prop with its top-mounted helical mag that holds 100 rounds. You can load it but have to wind the spring before mounting it- 23 turns. If you exceed that number you break the spring mechanism! So that alone makes it unworthy of being practical. Add poor sighting- the rear is mounted on the magazine and you have to lean your head down quite a bit for alignment. Then there is the too long stock that is uncomfortabel and a flash suppressor that is worthless (at least at 720 rpm firing)! The releases for the mag have to be pressed inward so if you are in cold weather with heavy gloves or mitts- good luck releasing the mag. Mountings and change-outs are a bitch. I found nothing redeemable about this SMG or the pistol version. LAPD tried the 900-series but complained about many of these Cons and maintaining these weapons. I don't think it is in active inventory anymore- just used as a training weapon. It's just an oddball oddity. Btw, the Germans designed the 15cm Gustloff-Suhl Reichswerke sunken multibarrel helical Flak gun in WW2 so the concept is not new. The German gun would have fired 36,000 rpm!!!
Calico hard to use
spring to wind

Helical mag was something new
Odd designin’
For Police firin’

LAPD tried it
Pros- many rounds
But care was demanding
Cons- hard to load and release press-downs

Calico hard to use
spring to wind
23 times!

Little use
Little use
Little use
Light, long, and flimsy
Top, hundred rounds there
Makes it hard to see
Isn’t that handy

SMG
Calico hard to use
spring to wind
(not practical, just an oddity)
http://weapon.at.ua/_ph/10/925562782.jpg

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Meriadoc - August 28, 2012 - Report this comment
I guess they could just as well have made it out of cats and cloth, eh? ;)
Rob Arndt - August 28, 2012 - Report this comment
That was the description of "Hitler's Buzzsaw" MG-42 in WW2 by US troops- "fire sounded like the shredding of calico". At 1300 rpm I'd say that's about right :)

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