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Song Parodies -> "Iron Armor Bulletproof"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Iron Armor Bulletproof"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

This one is about Australian outlaw Ned Kelly's armor that he wore to the final show-down at Glenrowan in 1880 when he took 70 people hostage at the inn. The Victoria Police were still unaware of Ned's armor as he seemed indestructable, but noticed that his legs were exposed... so they fired into them and finally dropped him. A shotgun blast also injured his hip and right hand. He was judged and hanged on Nov 11, 1880. His armor is still preserved. This is the description of how it was made: According to legend the armour was made on a Stringybark log by the gang themselves. Due to the quality of the workmanship and the difficulties involved in forging, historians and blacksmiths had long believed the armour could only have been made by a professional blacksmith in a forge. A professional blacksmith would have heated the steel to over 1,000 °C (1,830 °F), before shaping it. A bush forge would only be able to get the metal to 750 °C (1,380 °F), which would make shaping the metal very difficult. In 2003 Byrne's suit of armour was disassembled and tested by ANSTO at the Lucas Heights nuclear reactor in Sydney to determine how the armour was made and what temperatures were involved. The results of testing indicated the heating of the metal was "patchy". Some parts had been bent cold while other parts had been subjected to extended periods in a heat source of not much more than 700 °C (1,292 °F), which is consistent with a bush forge. The quality of forging was also determined to be less than believed, and it is now considered unlikely to have been done by a blacksmith. The method now widely accepted is that mouldboards were heated in a makeshift bush forge and then beaten straight over a green log before being cut into shape and riveted together to form each individual piece. He had a helmet, breastplate, back plate, groin guard, and shoulder guards. Although warned of the armor, Victoria Police discredited the rumors as mythical until they encountered it!
Iron armor bulletproof
perfect for crime

Ned Kelly outlaw myth grew
Hostages testifyin’
Police were dyin’

Victoria Police couldn’t stand it
NK Gang runnin’ around
Confrontation at Glenrowan
Police determined to shoot Kelly down

Iron armor bulletproof
perfect for crime
One last time

Ned wore you
Ned wore you
Ned wore you
Head, chest, and groin protection
97 lbs to wear
Took bullets, many
But exposed legs caught Police attention

Downed Ned Kelly
Iron armor bulletproof
perfect for crime
(Murderer received no mercy)
This is a repost, because I got the author name wrong. My apologies to those who commented long ago.

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Total Votes: 7

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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 02, 2015 - Report this comment
Note: the old link to this has been removed.
Patrick - November 03, 2015 - Report this comment
I remember the film with Mick Jagger in the title role. Black powder cartridges with soft lead bullets would not have the penetrating power of smokeless rounds and metal jacketed projectiles. During the North Hollywood Bank Robbery, during which the perpetrators wore body armor, didn't the police slow them down by shooting under a parked car and hitting one of them in the feet?
Rob Arndt - November 04, 2015 - Report this comment
Yeah, that is what eventually brought one of them down as he was hit about 20 times in the legs. However, he had also been shot in the thighs and died from those wounds! Lots of weapons used by gunmen which included IIRC a MAK-90, HK 941, a Bushmaster XM-15, Beretta 92FS. Cops tried 9mm & .38s plus a shotgun to no avail before procuring AR-15s from a local gun shop.

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