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Song Parodies -> "Used Fruit Machine on You"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Used Fruit Machine on You"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Canadian “Fruit Machine” (Stress Response Test Apparatus) was a 1950s attempt to scientifically detect homosexuality in men serving in Canadian civil posts, the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) and Canadian Army. The machine was a simple dentist-type chair in which the suspected sat in comfort, eyes glued to an attached wired black box fitted over the eyes that showed images ranging from the mundane to erotic porn (hetero and homo). Sensors were attached to the body to determine perspiration rate, heart rate, (and in some versions) erectile occurrence! The machine monitored pupil dilation as well. When pupillary response in millimeters over a certain limit was combined with high perspiration rate, high heart rate, and sometimes producing an erection over male pornography the subject was thought to be a “Fruit” (homosexual) and was either coerced out of duty or expelled. 10,000 men lost their positions based on this bizarre apparatus and although de-funded in the 1960s was still being used in the 1970s!!!
Used Fruit Machine on you
Odd for time

Used to get rid of “Fruits”
Machine for ratin'
Homo sensations

Canadian funded
RCMP clout
And military
Sought to keep homosexuals out

[Civil posts, Police, and Army used scouts]

Used Fruit Machine on you
Odd for the time
Looked for “signs”...

Pupils viewed
Heart rate too
Sweat produced
Results faulty at best
Stimuli crude
Mundane, mixed pornography
Dentist chair rest

[“Guilty” distressed]

Discriminatory
Used Fruit Machine on you
Odd for the time
10,000 dismissed from duties!!!
Special "Queer Scouts" were inserted into positions to look for possible homosexual deviants as candidates for the SRTA.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Patrick - December 15, 2014 - Report this comment
And who did they employ to hook up the electrodes? Wouldn't anyone who applied for the job be automatically disqualified?
Rob Arndt - December 16, 2014 - Report this comment
Good one Patrick!

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