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Song Parodies -> "HK for Police Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"HK for Police Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In addition to the new arsenal of HK weapons consisting of the MP-7 PDW, the MG-4 LMG, the 416 and 417 assault rifles, and a new US/German joint sniper rifle, there is the developing PPMD which originated with the old caseless HK G-11 and MG-300 weapons shelved in 1990 upon reunification. There was a caseless pistol design too that was dropped. With the IDZ Gladius program moving forward, the German Army and KSK want a new light ACR that is electronically integrated with their advanced EADs systems and comp network. But Rheinmetall AG is working on a Bundeswehr Plasma Rifle for use by 2020. With threats of terrorism and new tech, German advanced SEK units (equivalent or higher than US SWAT Teams) want a new pistol in their arsenal that can be used by the military too. The result is HK going back to the caseless pistol but with multi-barrels of various calibers, new electro-targeting, integrated dazzlers, and a locking taser weapon underneath. The military version would ditch the taser block for 4 tubes of 13-15mm guided rockets replaceing the standard 40mm GL. In this way the SEKs have a much more lethal weapon at their disposal while German HRUs and KSK can augment the MP-7 and their complex version of the G-36. The weapon is in development.
HK for Police use
re-defines

Comes with multiple rounds to choose
9-12 mil
And all meant to kill

Terrorists-to-bandits
Multi-barrel sound
Locking taser deadly
With flashing dazzlers- aimed to confound

[German SEKs and MEKs want them around]

HK for Police use
It re-defines
Issued 9s

Troop use too
Troop use too
Troop use too
HRUs/KSK
HK prepared
Future Infantry
IDZ way

[Spin-off of Phase*]

USP?
HK for Police use
It re-defines
(No, PPMD… 2015)



*EADS IDZ Phase II, which has been revised as the Gladius System. HK was NOT an original contributor to that phase but the dual-usage now qualifies them to submit a pistol design. IDZ currently use the HK MP-7 PDW due to availability- it was not made specifically for them but the entire Bundeswehr.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Patrick - May 21, 2013 - Report this comment
Combining a firearm with a taser is a rather scary idea. Excitable cops could do a lot of damage if they hit the wrong trigger.
Rob Arndt - May 21, 2013 - Report this comment
The US Army proposed a similar firearm for dual use under the Land Warrior system with Supersoldier and Super Police versions (MILSWAT). The caseless idea is a good one b/c the calibers are all easily selected for each tactical situation and then electronically fired. The dazzler/taser system is good for prisons and HRU work IMHO. Don't know how the German SFs and SEKs will divide the weapons. I've heard that the old MP-5s and newer UMP-45s are being moved back to Polizei while the Heer and KSK use all the new HK line of PDWs, LMGs, Assault Rifles, and new Sniper (Germans have Pzf-3 and a new 90mm Panzerschreck as back-up weapons). Rheinmetall's plasma taser of 2003 was AFAIK never issued to the Westphalia Polizei- perhaps it was too complex and controversial, so back to a wired type in a box package! As for the plasma rifle, perhaps Rheinmetall AG will have to compete against other technologies like polyslug thrower and flechette rounds, new calibers, or another powerband weapon!!!

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