Song Parodies -> The Artificial Cowboy
| Original Song Title: | "Yellow Rose of Texas" |
| Original Performer: | Mitch Miller Orchestra |
| Parody Song Title: | "The Artificial Cowboy" |
| Parody Written by: | Patrick McWilliams |
True story. I was at a Wild West show. A young boy tried on a plastic hat and turned to his brother and said "Look, I'm an artificial cowboy". The first verse came to me in about 30 seconds. The rest took a bit longer, and I didn't finish the last verse until just last night.
I'm the Artificial Cowboy
And I ride the plastic range
On a horse of polyester
He sure looks mighty strange
I drink diet sarsaparilla
Vinyl boots upon my feet
And soybean jerky additives
Are my favorite food to eat
I lasso plaster cattle
With my trusty nylon rope
And every night I take a bath
With a bar of coal tar soap
Of course, I chew with dentures
'neath a painted backdrop sky
And I wear tinted spectacles
To hide my glass left eye
Well, I stole some kid's play money
When I robbed his piggy bank
And when the Sheriff chased me
I shot him with a blank
There ain't much real about me
And brother, that's no feces
The two legs that I'm standing on
Are nothing but prostheses
My working days are over now
Mister Barnum is to thank
I'm putting some real money
In the vault down at the bank
And if you want to see me
It's fifty cents a peek
I live a life of leisure
As a circus sideshow freak
And I ride the plastic range
On a horse of polyester
He sure looks mighty strange
I drink diet sarsaparilla
Vinyl boots upon my feet
And soybean jerky additives
Are my favorite food to eat
I lasso plaster cattle
With my trusty nylon rope
And every night I take a bath
With a bar of coal tar soap
Of course, I chew with dentures
'neath a painted backdrop sky
And I wear tinted spectacles
To hide my glass left eye
Well, I stole some kid's play money
When I robbed his piggy bank
And when the Sheriff chased me
I shot him with a blank
There ain't much real about me
And brother, that's no feces
The two legs that I'm standing on
Are nothing but prostheses
My working days are over now
Mister Barnum is to thank
I'm putting some real money
In the vault down at the bank
And if you want to see me
It's fifty cents a peek
I live a life of leisure
As a circus sideshow freak
As I learned later, you could also sing this to "The Marine Corps Hymn" or "The Ode to Joy" from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. But "Yellow Rose of Texas" seemed more appropriate.
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User Comments Follow...
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Sideshow freak? I thought 'til the very last line I was gonna find this dude's been livin' in th' White House. 555 :-)
"Are nothing but prostheses," my fave line. Nothing prosthetic about this parody.
Could he be related to the plastic hippies who bought their love beads at the mall instead of growing them?
Very original idea Patrick. And I love Mitch Miller. :-)
I thought this was superb, some marvellously surreal images. Brilliant stuff.
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This is view # 122
Amazing Grace: 40 Treasured Hymns album at Amazon.com
