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Song Parodies -> "The Men in Black (Extended)"

Original Song Title:

"The Bride Wore Black"

Original Performer:

Madame LaSalle

Parody Song Title:

"The Men in Black (Extended)"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

This is the true story of those creepy men in black that came for my dad when he worked as a US Govt. Inspector. He never told me where they took him or what he did other than to inspect military weapon systems, some of which were decades old. He was referring to Third Reich tech still classified and compartmentalized. I later learned this after he died from his CIA and DARPA pals, but the Men in Black were not part of those organizations. They were part of MAJIK and Shadow Ops and could go anywhere in the US, to any secret facility. My dad's job was to inventory moving hardware that was shifted around the US and to match inventory numbers and catalogue items. This tech made him nervous. Latter German SS tech programs of extremely high tech were sent to P.O. Boxes Intel identified only with numbers. The German mystery hardware was shipped to Wright, then down to NM, then over to Edwards, and eventually up to Groom Lake or alternate underground facilities in Utah and other locations. My dad disappeared for days, weeks, and sometimes months. There was no way to contact him. Money came in by mail from a central processing center. Caused my mom lots of trouble at BofA banking due to number sequencing identifications. Used to spend hours in the bank clearing these checks and my dad had 100s of keys and many tags which the US Govt. confiscated after he died. My dad was not alloowed to write about anything seen nor draw anything on paper no matter how primitive. It was both a scary situation and yet intriguing. I later learned that all of the advanced Nazi weapons fell under the MAJIK codename of Vulkan's Forge. The majority concerned flight discs, beam weapons, space projects, intercontinental communications and spying, synthetics, stealth, advanced metallurgy, prefabrication methods for weapons, gas WMDs, and other oddball science like sonic weapons, and so forth... and you can see that it took until the late 1980s and early '90s to get the US spin-offs operational.
They always showed up in dark Fords
Gran Torinos with agents at the side doors
Crew cropped hair, horn-rimmed glasses, so much more
Never smiled, seldom talked, those dark suits that they wore

[Could not ignore]

Kids would flock to our block
Console phone was quite a shock
Handy Talkies at their ears as they paced-walked
Dad inside packing, watching the clock...

Tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc
Sentry waved off the local cops
Dad used a hanky for forehead mops
No phone calls, no pit stops

Gone for days, weeks, months
Momma just soldiered on...

I was a kid, wanted to know
All the places he would go
All the weapons to take stock by row
Secrets that no one else should know

Wright was in Ohio
Los Alamos in New Mexico
Edwards in Cali, desert rocket shows
Groom Lake off-limits, need to know

Odd stocks, odd stocks, odd stocks
Classified ATS with each P.O. Box
Anachronism post VE-Day shocks
Things that made scientists' jaws drop

Gone for days, weeks, months
Momma just soldiered on...

Rad tags, plastic gloves, data sheets
Gray crystal armor that resisted heat
Field amplifiers with ungodly beats
Work that never seemed to cease

[Reverse engineering of Nazi beasts]

Airforce guys with M16s
Science guys with strange machines
My dad examining everything
What exactly were these things???

Gone for days, weeks, months
Momma just soldiered on...

Public couldn't know- that was best
Spin offs of shadow budgets
Protected by the Men in Black

No, MAJIK- those CINDER guys
Caused a kid like me to cry
To speculate with eyes so wide

Dad did his work in silent stride
Of Vulkan's Forge was terrified...

Nazi tech was vilified

[… even in the '70s]

Right to know was denied
Dad died knowing in '75

Momma just soldiered on...

The Men in Black
Sharp as tacks
Drove him there and back
Disappeared, just like that...

[They creeped me out, but I miss those guys]

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

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