So sure that you'll be a winner
Best group of dudes who ice-skate
But there's no way that you'll deliver
Gonna fail to get that little puck where you want because Steve's in the way

Our defence ain't holey, holey, holey, holey, holey
'Cause our goalie, goalie, goalie, goalie, goalie, he rocks
Basic'lly a giant brick wall with arms, you'll never hear your buzzer
It'll feel so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, love our goalie

There's no real reason to bother
To aim your stick slaps to that goal's way, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Our guy is such a great stopper
By the way, when you lose and then try to get drunk, he'll make sure you behave

Bouncer is our homie, homie, homie, homie, homie
And our goalie, goalie, goalie, goalie, goalie, he rocks
May look super solid but he zooms hard, so fast you'll never notice
You move far more slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, love our goalie

He'll never be duckin', don't ask how we know he can tank concussions
Trials? Error? It's somethin' that we don't know (ah-ah, ah, ah)
Can say that I'm bluffin', full bluster because Steve in fact starts runnin'
When small rocks start comin' but that ain't so (that is nonsense)

Graspin' at straws for a problem
For your confidence intake
But I swear that it's based on nothin' (yeah, ah)
Sure, Steve is lookin' a bit too heavy
To move fast enough to block pucks, you tell me (grrr)
As much as I may sing his praises, that friggin' fatty
Is only worth fallin' asleep in front of the telly
First: please be less of a douche, sketchy
How when you're pressed, seem too merry to mock the heavy
And second: what is all this based on? He looks too steady?
More likely 'cause we've got the best team and yours is dead weak
No chance to follow, chance to follow through 'cause you are a steamin' pile (ah)
Gonna build him up as a big threat to make you doubt (yes)
That if you somehow start stoppin' your failin' now (uh)
Pluggin' your defense's cracks to make the crowd (mwah)
Maybe be on your side now, just to switch it up (ooh)
You will still be useless, cannot do shit to beat us (whoo!)
The points won't get even, dude, they're never gonna even up (ah)
'Cause our goal is always blocked while yours is managed by a klutz

Always movin' slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly
That's your goalie, goalie, goalie, goalie, goalie, he sucks
Not payin' attention so he fails hard, falls for each misdirection, he sucks
Doesn't look too stable, falls on his arse a bit too friggin' often, he sucks
Put that in your brain and then invert hard, you'll get our guy in seconds
He's far from baloney-loney-loney-loney, love our goalie