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Song Parodies -> ""I'll Buy You" Said Vlad"

Original Song Title:

"When I Was A Lad"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan, HMS Pinafore

Parody Song Title:

""I'll Buy You" Said Vlad"

Parody Written by:

Auntie Trohl & Poo-Poo Pravda

The Lyrics

"I'll buy you" said Vlad, for him you've turned
Quickly once-great America you spurned
You sold out cuz he'll give you riches more
As he polishes the mantle of his sick front whore
When all's said and done it's obvious you're now his whore
He'll polish up your mantle 'cause he's happy
That he ensured that you would win a "victory"
You squall out his commands while back in Russia he
Keeps a grip on his Mafia autocracy

He bought you when you became his mark
You're his lapdog and he tells you when to bark
He runs a criminal hacker band
that jacked into elections in our own homeland
(They rigged elections so you'd win in our homeland)
Stooges like you are part of his kleptocracy
You'll thrive as long as you bend and kiss his heinie
Smooch oligarchs will now be your fraternity
You help them so their rubles they launder freely

He belongs high in the hall of shame
With Hitler, Stalin…just a few to name
In Russia, civil rights are moot
His thugs will only ask questions after they shoot
(While your aim's to put most of us under your jackboot)
The Tsar was also hard and mocked democracy
But he got knocked off; then there was a Commie spree
That ended and your master's new autocracy
Turns out is a perfect match for your kleptocracy

He and thugs rule by terror and an iron grip
That's your goal too; it's part of your power trip
On your enemies you ain't too keen
You would love to make them vanish from the scene
(If you had your way a free press would be no more seen)
So if alive's what you want to be
You had better never speak critically
You too, no fan of democracy
But now you're merely an autocrat wannabe
I think "apprentice" is the term we could use aptly

You will grow rich if you are bent
Each time you see him to kiss his anal vent
If you huff his wind you will get a windfall
Dance on the strings of the dictator of one and all
(Now until he croaks, he's dictator of one and all)
Before dictator-for-life he could be
He brought in a stooge pal for the presidency
The interim stooge was named Dimitri
Who's now a member of the mob oligarchy

For the time being, Baltic states are free
But with your help that might not much longer be
But for right now Vlad is focused on how to fool
With the '20 elections—that's what makes him drool
With facilitators like Facebook as his tool

Your minions think you'll usher in theocracy
But no one is more atheist than you can be
Beyond collusion there was a conspiracy
You and weasel family in his autocracy
And to Russia you all have pledged your fealty
Vlad's director of this show of "reality"

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 1.0
How Funny: 1.0
Overall Rating: 1.0

Total Votes: 170

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   169
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   1
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User Comments

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alexander's ragtag band - January 30, 2019 - Report this comment
Now I hear that Trump is a puppet of Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Vlad was just a distraction.
Leftard Narrative - February 01, 2019 - Report this comment
Shhh! Don't go discrediting me now, ARB!

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