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Song Parodies -> "I am Very Model of a StarTrek Technobabble Geek"

Original Song Title:

"I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I am Very Model of a StarTrek Technobabble Geek"

Parody Written by:

Tsvi Gold

The Lyrics

I liked Michael Pacholek's "I am the Very Model of a Modern Starfleet Admiral" (on this site). While that parody inspired this version, that one didn't sufficiently capture the technobabble frequently spouted by, nor geek-nature of, many Star Trek fans [like me], nor sufficiently take advantage of the polysyllabic nature of the original Gilbert & Sullivan. The perspective of the fan, while using as much of the structure and polysyllabic-ness of the original, was my objective. (And it was not easy to include a polysyllabic quote from Spock, in meter...). Enjoy.
I am the Very Model of a Star Trek Technobabble Geek

I am the very model of a Star Trek technobabble geek
I've information useless that for years I studied every week.
I know the ships of Starfleet and can quote the fights historical
Made possible by engineering feats that now are quite impossible.
I've seen them master new spatial and temporal phenomena
With gaping holes in their nacelles and leaking all their drive plasma
These Starfleet engineers always have answers just beyond their reach
Yet somehow always stopping the antimatter containment breach

Yet somehow always managing to do a Prime Directive breach

They're very good at dealing with a quantum singularity
It's close, but they always maintain their structural integrity
In short I know the steps to take to stop a plasma coolant leak,
I am the very model of a Star Trek technobabble geek.

He thinks he can, like Spock, execute linguistic legerdemain,
He's just a technobabble geek with too much Star Trek on his brain.

Tripp, B'Ellana Torres, Chief O'Brien, and Geordi LaForge
Could all get ships through space with just two plain-old simple wooden oars,
But even after shore leave and a fifth of whisky by the shot
An engineer could ne'er be found better than Montgomery Scott.
I can tell the Vulcans' ears from Romulans and Jolan-Tru
And I can tell the Nagus in which wormhole to put his rules through
Then I can hum Worf's Klingon opera, loud and clear caucophony...
But most of all I like to watch the green Orions dance for me.

But most of all he likes to watch the green Orions dance for him.

Then I can write my grocery list in Crillee or in Klingon script,
And tell you what's on every stop of Enterprise's turbolift
In short I know Kirk's safe in 9, the combination changed that week,
I am the very model of a Star Trek technobabble geek.

In short his DVDs are worn, and Spot, his cat, sleeps at his feet,
He is the very model of a Star Trek technobabble geek.

The Jem'Hadar are best in fight, but only with Ketricel White.
I play the tune Picard did when on Khatan in The Inner Light.
In short I know all Star Trek from Cardassia to Stovokor,
Discovery's the reason why they go where no one's gone before.

In short he knows all Star Trek from Cardassia to Stovokor,
Discovery is why they boldly go where no one's gone before.
Distribution is freely allowed, as long as you cite me as the author and include my contact email, please. imtjg(at)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 3   1
 4   5
 5   10

User Comments

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Rex - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
More impressive than Species 8472. I raise a glass of Romulan ale to you.
John Barry - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I found this most excellent and interesting. Given its title, you might want to check out this link:
Agrimorfee - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Very good, welcome to the monkeyhouse.
Steve K. - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Ahead warp factor 5. Welcome to the Planet of Penzance.
Jonathan S. - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
"[The Enterprise] is a beautiful girl and we love her!" "Edith Keeler must die." "He was a hero in every sense of thw word, yet his life was sacrificed for nothing..." Well, I don't really know the technobabble, but I am a big Trekkie. Fives, Jim.
John Jenkins - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment
This parody is impressive, but not as impressive as John Barry’s casual revelation. It sounds like AmIRight’s own John Barry might not have originated the term “technobabble,” but he definitely helped to popularize the term with his 1993 book with that title and he earned himself several heavyweight reviews. John Barry, you are too modest.
JeffZuli - April 07, 2009 - Report this comment
It’s after midnight I’m quiet as a mouse, I’m watching Star Trek at my parent’s house, Warp seven all night till it’s late, I’m eating cheese fries and I’m thirty eight Captain Kirk and the crew they got my attention, Ohura and Scotty I don’t have to mention . Got Klingons running around inside of my head Got Mr. Spock sheets on my Enterprise bed Voyagers lame—but what you gonna do? Can’t miss that cause it’s Star Trek II (2) too I’d like to get a life but can’t you see I just might miss episode three, What will people think when they find out I’m a Star Trek geek What will people do when they find out its true? I don’t really care if they label me a Star Trek geek I only leave the house to buy food I’m not into Janeway—It’s true! It’s true!! Spock and Scotty and Bones aren’t so bad, Always thought that Chekov looked like my dad, Ohura’s cool but give him his due—no one sword fights like Mr. Sulu Now there’s Star Trek II and the Wrath of Kahn I thought Spock had died but I was wrong Riker grew a beard after several years Worf did to but they hit him with spears Now Deep Space Nine is a distant cousin Everyone knows that its buggin Voyagers lame but I watch it just the same I’m a Star trek geek—and I’ll never ever change… People say I’m strange,--Does that make me a stranger, --Because I like to dress up like a Power Ranger- People say I’m strange does that make me a stranger—I like to think of teleporters and lasers— People say I’m strange but—I’m gonna be a big big star—and make out with Ohura in the back of my car. I’m a Star Trek geek I don’t know what I seek- I’m watching this show 50 times a week The writer never get tired of writing the script- cause they all know science fiction’s hip The women all dressed up like majorettes- only the aliens smoke cigarettes I’m a Star Trek geek-listen how I speak- everyone thinks that we are freaks Felt so symbolic yesterday— had to watch the Tribbles episode today Capt. Jean luc Picard singing show tunes— and now they sell Next Generation balloons We talk bout Data’s sexual orientation and wonder if does any computer masterbation why--because I'm a star trek geek!!!

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