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Song Parodies -> "The Beers"

Original Song Title:

"The Bells"

Original Performer:

Edgar Allen Poe

Parody Song Title:

"The Beers"

Parody Written by:

Scathe

The Lyrics

This is my longest work yet. I wanted to try a poem parody and decided to try my hand with "The Bells". Edgar Allen Poe wrote about unique bells for unique events. I tried to pattern mine the same way. As clarification for the fourth verse, it is against the law to sell or make beers without a license.
See the dredges with the beers-
Tavern beers!
What a world of idiots their drinking foretells!
How they'll tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
In a surly bar at night!
While the mugs are overflowing
Drunkards, chunks they all are blowing
With a frothy, cold delight
Numb their minds, minds, minds
With a squirt of lemon-lime.
While their gross intoxication so stupidly shows
From the beers, beers, beers, beers,
Beers, beers, beers-
With the vomiting and the tinkling from the beers.


Drink the pricey party beers
Import beers!
What a world of destruction their stumbling foretells
Hanging from the chandeliers
As they laugh themselves to tears
They enjoy the golden brew
While their all stewed
Sometimes they will share some smokes
Listen to bad music while telling filthy, dirty jokes
What a bash!
Oh, the singing imbeciles
What a field of empty bottles shows there thrills
Make prank calls!
Down they fall
Those dumb drunkards, show their rears
Those dumb drinkers, lost their fears
To the swigging and the chugging
Of the beers, beers, beers
Of the beers, beers, beers, beers
Beers, beers, beers
To the foaming and the fizzing of the beers!

See the dorm stocked with beers-
Store-bought beers!
What a tale of mischeve, now, their hollering tells!
In the dead of sleeping night
How they howl out their delight!
Too much drinking too speak,
They only slur like freaks,
Out of brains,
In an insatiable desire to light all their farts with fire,
In a sour melody they raise the public's burning ire,
Getting drunker, drunker, drunker
From a stylish picnic cooler,
Feuling all of their slurring rants
Now-now to drop their pants
Then everyone in town is mooned
Oh the beers, beers, beers!
What a tale their barley tells
Imbeciles!
How they fizz, and foam, and pour!
What a binging and uproar
On the rooftop they pass out and lie there!
Yet the frat boys fully know,
By the wretching,
And the belching,
That the beer-filled fountains flow
Yet their fears distinctly tell,
Of the ringing,
Painful ringing,
In their heads that ache and swell,
By the drinking and the chugging in the can of the beers-
Of the beers-
Of the beers, beers, beers, beers,
Beers, beers, beers-
In the clamor and the chaos from the beers!

Hear the brewing of the beers-
Homemade Beers!
What a world of bootleg drinks their bubbling foretells!
In the shadows of the night,
How he mixes with delight
With the barley, alcohol, and seltzer pucks!
For every tank he sells
Uncle Sam's men always tell
It's bad luck.
And the people--ah, the people
They that march up to his steeple
He's alone
And their yelling, screaming, shouting
In their random angry tones
Take that steeple trashing, routing-
They have neither thought and reason-
They are neither calm nor peaceful-
They're a mob:
And their boss it is who calls
As the feds have given tolls,
Tolls
Punishment for the beers!
And his angry head vein swells
From punishment for the beers!
And he curses and he yells;
Taking time, time, time
To give the brewer's city fine
As punishment for the beers
Of the beers
Taking time, time, time
To give the brewer's city fine
For the brewing of the beers
Of the beers, beers, beers-
For the making of the beers
Taking time, time, time
As he leers, leers, leers,
To give the brewer's city fine
For the making of the beers
Of the beers, beers, beers
For the selling of the beers
Of the beers, beers, beers, beers
Beers, beers, beers
For the selling and distilling of the beers.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rick D - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
A very beeroic effort. A powerful Poe-tion.
2Eagle - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Why no votes? This is really a hoot. Certainly a more cheerful version of the original by Edgar Allen Poe. It would even get that old grouch to lighten up - if you will pardon the expression.
Agrimorfee - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent! I raise a glass (or 2 or 3...hic) to you.
Rick D - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Okay I forgot! I thought comments were more appreciated
Rick C - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Well written! 5's
Dee Range - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
This ought to become a frat theme-poem. Very well done. Poe is fun to do...I've done THE RAVEN twice. 555
Johnny D - April 18, 2005 - Report this comment
"In an insatiable desire to light all their farts with fire". 555BOOM
Jeff Reuben - April 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Warms my heart! My wife said poetry could make me a more rounded person, I'll let her know you're helping with the cause =)
Michael Pacholek - April 19, 2005 - Report this comment
A five for the effort, but this falls a little short for me. Sorry to bust up your perfect score (which, I realize, rhymes with "Nevermore,") but this is my favorite Poe-m, and you should have found a way to rhyme "beers" with a word in place of "fortells." 2Eagle: This would not get Poe to lighten up. His drinking preference was usually a bit harder than a bottle of beer. Though cognac, the drink that somebody places a half-full bottle of on his grave on the anniversary of his birth (January 19), does not grace his work much.
Peter Andersson - October 15, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOP but this one reads as the best of the three. :-)
Steven Williams - November 11, 2005 - Report this comment
I thought this was one of the best poems i've ever read. It really captures poe's style of righting. I think it was a good parody of The Bells.

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