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Song Parodies -> "The Raven (iPhone 4)"

Original Song Title:

"The Raven"

Original Performer:

Edgar Allan Poe

Parody Song Title:

"The Raven (iPhone 4)"

Parody Written by:

Ogi

The Lyrics

Once upon a midnight dreary, while i pondered red-eyed, weary
Over many a dull or interesting app on my dear iPhone 4
I was scrolling, almost dozing, as I felt my eyes were closing,
Even naked models posing were becoming such a bore.
Do as always when the apps are all becoming such a bore
- Better quickly download more!

It was in the last October when i wasn't very sober
So i sat on my new tablet and it shattered to the core.
As i was that morn awoken, and i saw my tablet broken
To myself then I have spoken "I'll get new one from the store!
I'll get rare and beautiful tablet freshly shipped from Apple store
- Good as none I've had before!"

Scrolling through the applications, made by many corporations,
Found a game with icon showing bloody scene from ancient war,
One with parts of Miley Cyrus, which had made me quite desirous,
One with pic of deadly virus, and a little Bulbasaur
Still i did not download any (even not the Bulbasaur),
All the apps just made me snore

I was getting really tired when the app that i required
Showed up on a list of things that i could download from the store.
Then my axe fell into honey, and i found it very funny
That for very little money, i could learn a little lore
From a wise and ancient raven knowing gigabytes of lore
And his name is "Nevermore".

And my screen then showed a raven, and his crest was shorn and shaven,
Any knowledge of the world now I am able to explore!
Staring at my new possession, clicked the button "start new session"
And I asked him single question - "Do describe me, I implore,
Raven, tell me what my traits are, do describe me, I implore"
Quoth the raven "Gadget whore".

Much surprised by this description, thought I'd cancel my subscription
And go back to watching movies, dirty movies, porn (hardcore).
But the fowl's insult kept burning, and my mind just kept returning
To the thing I found concerning - is this what they take me for?
Is it really best description of the man they take me for?
He just called me gadget whore!

Then, methought, the app is recent, algorthm might not be decent,
maybe it is still developed, bugs and errors there galore.
Satisfied with realisation, having found an explanation
For the raven's accuasation that I am a gadget whore
Not admitting to myself that I am just a gadget whore
- wond'ring should I ask him more?

Then I told him I intended soon to buy a very splendid
Phone that's better, so much better than the ones I owned before
But I want my phone's successor just to have a screen bit lesser,
With a sixteen-gigs processor and at least an octa-core
What's the phone I should be getting, with at least an octa-core?
Quoth the raven "Gadget whore".

Hearing such a grim, ungainly fowl declare so straight and plainly
What the software thinks I am is very hard to just ignore
That is when I felt depression, 'cause I noticed my obsession
- couldn't ask a single question 'bout the other things no more
All I wanted to discuss were stupid gadgets, nothing more
- Only thing that I adore

And the raven, black and ugly, sat on screen while smiling sumgly,
Only then was when I noticed how much the fowl I do abhor
"Wretch", I cried, "the software made you - it was I who later paid you
But it is now that I'm afraid you are becoming toilsome chore
And when owner does consider you to be a toilsome chore
- Soon you will exist no more!"

"Prophet," said I, "evil-bringer!" As I held my little finger
Over button that will slay him, banish him for evermore.
So I thought of uninstalling, to forever end our brawling,
But I found myself still stalling - that's not how I'll win the war.
Mere deletion would not help me, he would still have won the war
- I'd still be a gadget whore

And the raven, never flitting, I'll give him a fate most fitting
So I took the phone and got up, reaching for the terrace door
Feeling as if I was dreaming, wicked fowl then started screaming,
Then I have, (to end his scheming) flung the phone from seventh floor
That is when I felt the freedom, looking down from seventh floor
- I'm no longer gadget whore

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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John Jenkins - February 03, 2017 - Report this comment
Outstanding parody. Excellent substitution for "evermore"!
Rob Arndt - February 03, 2017 - Report this comment
This is great! 555! I am one of the few that has done The Raven poem... actually about the Raven Third Reich doomsday machine! A different technology than the IPhone 4 ;-)
Larry Hensley - February 03, 2017 - Report this comment
Impressive parody. Maybe this will be taught in Literature classes in the future
Ogi - February 04, 2017 - Report this comment
Thanks John, Rob and Larry Actually, the first few verses of this are so old that iPhone 4 was still a new thing back then - really glad that I've finally finished it

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