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Song Parodies -> "Lisa Nowak Is An A-Hole Nut"

Original Song Title:

"There Goes The Neighborhood"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Sheryl Crow

Parody Song Title:

"Lisa Nowak Is An A-Hole Nut"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES! Well, almost...I've been a little busy lately...but this is based on the true story of Lisa Nowak, the NASA Astronaut who tried to whack Colleen Shipman, an Air Force Captain, because she thought Shipman was a rival for the love of one William Oefelein, who was commander of the Space shuttle Nowak flew on last July.
[intro • talking in background are voices in her head • Lisa answers as instrumental intro starts]

{Uh-huh…OK, yeah…I'll drive down from Houston now…gotta get my diaper's hitched on so I don't have to stop on the way}

Lisa's heart said
"Let's drive down
from Houston to the airport
smack that bitch down

Let's go and stalk her
kick her ass, sure
her slutty ass I'll beat
she'll squall, 'Help me, please, sir'
Now my career's in shreds
What got into my head?"

I stalked Colleen; then I sprayed a shot
I maced her face; she said, "Ow"
Diapers on my ass held my sh*t in real tight
When I pee'd none of it did drip out
I'd kill that bitch if I could

[instrumental break]

That bimbo Shipman stole my Billy
I planned to kick her can until she hollered
I'd done a wig and wear a trench coat
Throw some diapers on; drive non-stop for twelve hours
Now my ass is in jail
My kidnapping plan went bad, yeah, it failed

Looks like I'm through now as an astronaut
Won't fly to space anymore
They'll drop my ass from the next shuttle flight
They will kick my ass out of the door
I wish that they understoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ood

[saxophone]

I wish that they wou-ou-ou-ou-ould

Because I'm misunderstood

[instrumental break]

I drove from Houston just to meet her
And I took with me a bb-gun and mallet
I'd mess her up; knock her down
Because she went and stole my guy; that nasty trollop
She will be hurtin' when I spill her guts all over
won't be pretty
Yeah, in these garbage bags I'll stuff her body in
then I will throw her in the sh*t heap
Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

Cut her body into tiny chunks
Make her deceased; take her out
From this planet I will then take my flight
On the Space shuttle I'll just hang out

Guess it seems like I am some kind of nut
Might be insane; now I howl
Got my diapers on; I wear 'em real tight
'cause it keeps stuff from leaking on out

I'd kill that bitch if I cou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ould
Yes, I wou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ould

I'd kill that damn bitch for good…

[instrumentals/saxophone out to end fade]

[below {bracketed lines} spoken out to end fade]

{I'd kick her butt, yeah, I'd kill that slut}

{cause I'm an astro-nut, an asshole nut}

{and that damn slut was trying to steal my Billy}

{Come on, a-Billy…come here}
{Hey, Billy, where ya' going, dude?}

{Come on, man, come back to me}

{Don't you see I love you, dude?}

{Come back, man, oh, my Billy, don't be silly…}

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Adagio - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
She really wore diapers? LOL good one, Paul. 5's
alvin rhodes - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
she doesn't sound at all down-to-earth
Yoidy - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
A space oddity if ever there was one. 5s.
Paul Robinson - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Pat, Yup - Depends Diapers, the choice of astro-nuts...it's a truly mind-boggling story, the amount of apparently detailed, intricate and totally out-of-the-loop loony planning that this lady actually ran through her head...and then actually tried to execute. alvin, well, she's "down-to-earth" now and what currently amazes me is that is out on bail, I believe...I'm not sure if she has to wear one of those locator devices, but I sure hope so.
AFW - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I see on cable news where she beat the attempted murder charge...good job, here
Paul Robinson - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
AFW - Yeah, I don't know how...beyond the bb-gun and pepper spray (non-lethal) she also had knives, rubber tubing, garbage bags. Whatever she was doing it was clearly premeditated, however loopy that premeditation might have been. But I don't see any way to avoid Attempted Kidnapping, which is a pretty serious rap in anybody's book. FYI - coincidental to my posting this NASA just announced today that she was being dismissed from the Space program. But she's still a Naval Officer at this point.
Horse Skeleton - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Ugh. Another guy coming after me with a stick.
Paul Robinson - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Huh?

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