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Song Parodies -> "I Have No Career"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash

Parody Song Title:

"I Have No Career"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

A special thanks goes out to Red Ant for supplying the idea, and title to this one
I was scribblin' out facts upon this long application sheet
When a man in a cheap suit, said "Come here and take a seat.
If you're looking for a job here Matt, for us you can work.
But first I have to ask, would you mind being a clerk?"
I told him, "I would do any crap that you could dare demand
It's my mission to get a few bucks in this hand"

I'll take any job, man
I'll take any job, man
Working for the Mob, man
Cook a Shish Kabob, man
I'll even make doorknobs, man
I'll take any job

I'll Be A
Golf Pro
Gigolo
Van Gough
Crossdresser
Pie Baker
Salt Shaker
Ticket Taker
Professor
Tour Guide
Male Bride
Test Ride
Compressor
Chauffer
Soilder
Saboteur
Weight Guesser
Doctor
Janitor
Senator
Fortune Teller
Hair Geller
Car Seller
Cave Dweller
Rockefeller

I need some career, man
I need some career, man
Unemployed for year, man
Won't mind kissing rear, man
To make this crystal clear, man
I need some career

I'll Be A
Rabbi
Cable Guy
Samurai
Bass Fisher
Constructor
Conductor
Instructor
Gash Stitcher
Zoo Keeper
Street Sweeper
Grim Reaper
Stash Trimmer
Busboy
Pool Boy
Playboy
Rash Itcher
Bus Driver
High Diver
McGyver
Film Director
Tax Collector
House Inspector
Mine Detector
What a spector!

I must find some work, man
I must find some work, man
Role as Captain Kirk, man
Made me go berserk, man
Take that job as clerk, man
I must find some work

I'll Be A
Grave Digger
Gun Trigger
Wine Swigger
Brick Layer
Cheerleader
Speed Reader
Birdfeeder
Hockey Player
Parodist
Terrorist
Alchemist
Town Mayor
Dictator
Debater
Terminator
Soothsayer
Preacher
Teacher
Creature
Drug Dealer
Gold Stealer
Film Reeler
Gal Feeler
When dress needs preened

I must find some trade, man
I must find some trade, man
I really must get paid, man
Cause then I'd have it made, man
Dropped out in sixth grade, man
I must find some trade

I'll Be A
Musician
Magician
Mortician
Bar Tender
Physician
Technician
Logician
Street Vendor
Semi Trucker
Bed Tucker
Chicken Plucker
Lawyer
Stock Broker
Corn Grower
Glass Blower
Lawn Mower
Meat Smoker
Auctioneer
Buccaneer
Musketeer
Pharmacist
Mistress
Pianist
Communist
Here's the list

I need some career, man
I need some career, man
Don't give me that sneer, man
My plead is quite sincere, man
Broke is what I fear, man
I need some career

I.... NEED.... SOME... CAREER

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 41

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 0
 
 5   41
 40
 41
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

The Charnstar - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Great work, 5-5-5, especially cause this is one of the only song's I know today
alvin rhodes - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day....masterfully written
TJC - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent! And so well crafted.... loved the extended patter sections, reminiscent of Weird Al's Hardware Store long run...
Jack Wilson - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Matthias,this is AWESOME!555!
Awb - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Me freakin gusta.
Lionel Mertens - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
I don't know why someone wouldn't hire you. You have great communicative skills. Keep trying you'll find somethin'. 5's
AFW - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Having parodied this one, myself, I know how much work it can require...Yours reflects that, in an excellently clever manner...top job
PMS - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Fabulous!!!
Your Friend - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
LOVE IT Hehee. You're so clever. ^_^
Stuart McArthur - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
WOW! fantastic Matthias - instantly one of my favourites of yours - and I loved "McGyver" - lol - 555
malcolm higgins - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
wow. absolutely brilliant
Matthias - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks guys, make sure that you add me as a referance on your job applications!!!
Red Ant - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
This is executed MUCH better than what little I had worked out. Much more than a list, it's a hilarious list with TMFPTM (too many funny professions to mention; don't expect to ever see that abbreviation again...) This is my favorite of yours, Matthias, and I'd be shocked if this doesn't do very well in the competition(s) it's entered in. 555++
tomario - October 25, 2006 - Report this comment
i'd love a "kabob !" well done smart parody 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - November 04, 2006 - Report this comment
This round of SOTM sure starts of good with this one! And speaking of sharing ideas, I'd love to see Arwen write "I've had every man (in my dreams)" to this song. :-)
Peter - November 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Dammit, I meant "I've had every REAL man (in my dreams)". Do you hear that Arwen.
bobpiecheese - November 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(Decathlon - Event 6) Classic. It's always good to see what someone does with someone else's idea. This being a prime example of which.
Josh 2 - November 05, 2006 - Report this comment
WOW 5s
Stuart McArthur - November 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(decath6) see above, and well, who WOULDN'T be a gal feeler matthias - no great sacrifice there! - still love this one
Johnny D - November 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(Dec) Brilliant parodies like this, Matthias, prove you've at least found your Avocation!
Kristof Robertson - November 06, 2006 - Report this comment
(DEC6) Stupendous work here, Matthias, on what must have been an absolute cunningstunt of an OS to parody. More than just a list, this ties together perfectly. Bravissimo! 555
Jeff Reuben - November 06, 2006 - Report this comment
I concur, excellent job on a tough parody. Well done!
Arwen - November 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Decathlon...I'm just speechless, Matthias...this is outstanding!
wannabemustangjockey - November 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This reminds me of my WDSTF parody "These Places I've Been Fired" ... but on caffeine. Nice job!
Chris Bodily TM - November 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Dang, that's a fast song! And a great start for the October SOTM. I laughed my ass off, but couldn't catch onto the words. I do, however, trust your pacing and award you fives.
Jack Wilson - November 22, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above,one of the best
The Charnstar - November 24, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wowsers, that was great, again. As above
Red Ant - November 26, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, and what made this funny is the double meanings of some of the jobs you listed (like "gash stitcher", "stash trimmer" and "meat smoker"), the ones you might mispronounce while singing ("chicken plucker") as well as the ones that are just funny on face value ("terrorist, "mistress", etc.).
bobpiecheese - November 26, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above.
Michael McVey - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Been there, done that! Like me, you expressed how a lot of people feel or have felt sometime in their lives. ---MM
Agrimorfee - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well heynow....lookee at my We Didn't Start The Fire parody for a similar train of thought. 555
Stuart McArthur - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) yep, I've already commented twice on this one, Matty, and I would like to back up every word - great stuff!
Jeff Reuben - November 28, 2006 - Report this comment
See above, enjoyed reading it again!
2nz - November 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Very funny stuff, Matthias. Only thorn in my side was I wish you hadn't thrown 'terrorist' in there (some things you should still turn down). I enjoyed the first two lists professions the most. I'm in need currently as well.
Kristof Robertson - November 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. A tour de force list parody that is funnier than most
Phil Alexander - November 29, 2006 - Report this comment
But you missed
"lyricist"
and "parodist" ;-)
Excellent parody - and good luck on the job-hunting
Matthias - November 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Nay Phil, I had Parodist, right next to Terrorist, and Alchemist
Phil Alexander - November 30, 2006 - Report this comment
D'Oh! Sorry, Matt... ISTR not being sure if I'd searched for lyricist twice (too many pints of Guinness... definitely one of the benefits of being this side of the Irish Sea ;-) )
Tim Mayfield - November 30, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM: Ok, I'll bite... what's a soilder??? BTW, nice rythm to the reading. I LOL'd a bit too. :-)
Chris Pollman - December 07, 2006 - Report this comment
555. Pure genius. Very well done.
Spaff.com - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Fantastic, Matthias. One of your best, give or take the words "one of." As I read through this, I KNEW this was a SOTM medal winner, so I went over and checked out the results. Sixth?! October must have been a helluva month. Anywho. Great beginning to end, and bonus points for nailing the rhyme scheme.
Jeff Reuben - February 10, 2007 - Report this comment
See above, and I particularly like the list of jobs, very creative choices.
The Charnstar - February 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Above, above please. This is still as great as the first time I read it
tomario - February 11, 2007 - Report this comment
still awsome top banana (is being a communist a job ?) nice work
Michael McVey - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Same as previous comment.---MM
Below Average Dave - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTMWC) Ok, Ok, I have to make a huge comment on this parody because it is just necessary. . .I have never been a fan of the original song-never liked or disliked it but it was because it was boring--boring in that it's just some guy pointlessly bragging about where he's been. . .you however turned what was NOTHING into a VERY GOOD PARODY--I had just read Red Ant's version for the FebSOTM, and doing two a day in that thread and one a day here, I just happened to have just heard that song. . .oy--twice in one day. Alright-real quickly, here were my favorites of your MANY jobs. . .Crossdresser was just a really unexpected and early fit--got me laughing right away, if recorded I'd have to listen several times just to get past that part. . .Male Bride, much the same thing and it's just imagining the whole male bride-dress-thing. . .Fortune Teller. . .Cable Guy, nothing like comedy in a comedy song. . .Grim Reaper. . .and you know what. . .it'd take forever. . .the whole thing was just WOW, and this is just the first entry for me to read (well 2nd I guess, but mine was the first entry)
bobpiecheese - February 14, 2007 - Report this comment
(Wild Card) See above...again.
Rick C - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Sorry I missed the party the day this one posted, Matthias! Excellent all around. 555+
Below Average Dave - March 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Already said my piece on this one.
Red Ant - December 15, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I) A pleasure to revisit this one, Matt!
littleCupCakes - December 17, 2007 - Report this comment
555: Tres manifique Sir! I am new to this site, so please thank ~le Ant Rouge~ for his devoted re-Read.
Guy - December 19, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC(I) Luckily i was only technically umemployed for 2 1/2 days in my entire adult life. 2 1/2 after I retired from the USAF I landed a job with the US Army without ever having had an interview. I'm still working for this major armed service. I did one on this one myself but not nearly as well done as this one. I did a Howard Dean one when he did his famous hyped up speech about taking all the states. EEEEEEEEE-YAH!! I liked parody very much. Pasting up 5's. Don't want to mess up those very impressive voting stats. Well done Matt.
Invisible Boy - December 22, 2007 - Report this comment
So much has been already said in the comments above that I can only say I Agree". The reason this is so good, as stated. is you could have just made a list to fit the pace and rhyme scheme and left it at that, but you made a list that was clever and very funny. The way that it looks so effortless as you read through the list is a tribute to how much effort you put into it. (loved "Bed Tucker")
Invisible Boy - December 22, 2007 - Report this comment
above was for ABC-I
bobpiecheese - December 23, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I) See above one more time.
Laurie Alexander - December 24, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC4-1 This is hysterical. I work in Human Resources so this had me laughing out loud and will definitely share it with my co-workers. Gotta say, I've worked in many industries, but have never come across a rash itcher or a weight guesser. Great job!
Stuart McArthur - December 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) at least my 4th visit to this one, Matthias, and by now it has become an amiright classic - deservedly so
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - December 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) I've read this. . .quite a few times buddy. . .you already know my opinion.
Agrimorfee - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Still seekin'...
Cat - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) ...and I cannot believe that I never commented on this! This is fabulous, Matthias, and definitely one of my all-time favorites of yours. You expended every ounce of creativity in your body for this one, but it was well worth it. Hired 555 times!
Agrimorfee - June 16, 2010 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Hey...still love it...but now I gotta point out...dictionary.com couldn't find a definition of "spector", but suggests "specter". Is that what you meant there? Rather confusing either way.
Matthias - June 16, 2010 - Report this comment
Not sure what I was thinking 5 years ago... I believe that's what I was going for.
Tim Hall - June 16, 2010 - Report this comment
This song is more relevant now than when it was new! A classic!
Below Average Dave - June 18, 2010 - Report this comment
I have an idea for this song that at this rate maybe some day you can fill. . "Song's been everywhere man, song's been everywhere man, contests here and there man, songs been everywhere man, pimping til it dies man, songs been everywhere" Yeah--still the best list parody "of all time"
Matthias - June 18, 2010 - Report this comment
I already have the first verse down "It's been in ABC, Artistry, SOTM, Decathlon" (And I'm sure I'm missing something...)
bobpiecheese - June 27, 2010 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above just one more time, for luck.
Rex - June 27, 2010 - Report this comment
Obviously I know what it takes to parody this song. :-) Some very clever job titles that (I hope) came from imagination and not experience.
DJ Blaze - June 27, 2010 - Report this comment
INSANE. One of the best Johnny Cash parodies ever. 555
Doc - December 19, 2012 - Report this comment
I heard this on the radio for the first time yesterday and have been looking for it being sung for the last hour. Wishing it was on iTunes right now. AWESOME!!!

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