-> "Normie's Invitation"
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One peaceful afternoon, I picked up from my mailbox. The strangest looking letter I'd ever seen.
A chilling little envelope bordered with nothing but a gold-plated frame.
The letter was addressed to me so as I opened it, I froze. What I read turned my complexion three shades of blue. It said "My name is Ohwoh Wutzthiz. I'm a normal memer; a normie, and I feel I need to spend some time with you."
Now as a dank memer from a little town with GabeN's call to action, a man of awesomeness and power with a challenge to grow, I did what any dank memer would do in my situation. I tore it up and said "There's no way I'm gonna go."
Then gently and methodically, I remembered GabeN saying "This isn't working." I know it's his responsibility to witness, so reluctantly, I accepted this... Normie's invitation.
He had the house you'd expect. An American Foursquare-styled kind.
A chef's special right to the core. The overgrown lawn.
The door that creaked when opened.
Somehow you'd expect some guy to answer this door. The doorbell rang on a hollow moon. The knob twisted, then opened and Ohwoh stood before me with a grin. His jet-brown hair and well-trimmed neckbeard flowed with his silky cosplay. My skin crawled as he said, "Please... come on in."
His house was filled with every weird symbol you could fathom;
Pictures of his parents with yearbook quotes.
A Scrabble board and Dungeons and Dragons game set on the table.
A Liquid Glass Thinking Putty sculpture with an incandescent shine.
Then graciously, he handed me some Brisk Iced Tea. Its presence caused my memory to jog. I thought of every anime I'd seen when I was a kid and thought, "Man, if you drink this stuff next day, you'll turn to fog!"
Then he led me to a high-backed chair as he meticulously began to unfold his scenario with wishful patience. I was given his own diary jammed with drawings, thus the reason for this... Normie's invitation. With eagerness he pointed to each drawing with pride. He said, "I've drawn this MLP OC named Thistle Crimson. You see this man, he has cancer but died shortly after remission. I was paid to have sex with my reflection by my aunt."
On and on, page after page, delightfully he flaunted each event for an hour without a breath. He said, "Do you realize through my understanding of yours truly that I can make you dank or even meme someone to death?" I sat literally intimidated by his immensity and brain power, while his face shone with a weird arrogant bliss then placing his hands on the arms of my chair and leaning into my face, he said, "What can your hero do to compete with this?"
I knew then how Steve Jobs felt, when he walked on stage back in 2007 and introduced the iPhone. It's as if you're sitting there in that stunned moment while your soul gets violated and all you feel is weak, powerless and lame. I desperately and deeply whispered to myself, "GabeN, I need the memes to survive. Without them, I would die." Then a Mountain Dew-scented vape cloud shot through my head, igniting my eyes with the dankest of memes. I then stood up and I threw the book back in his chest.
I said, "Ohwoh, I'll not compare Valve's games versus Epic's. The issue's not your parents and mine. The real comparison is the condition of your Fortnite habits and the condition of my meme-making habits and you puppet of EA transactions that I will compare."
I said, "My fiend, one day, they're coming for you. The developers behind Fortnite: Battle Royale. The dingus DLCs that EA controls. The time will come when you'll be lying in bed crying in your pillow and those dinguses lay claim to the rights they own to your memes then the room will grow dark and the most hideous YouTuber named Mark Dice will come flaming out of the floor with a yell! The conspiracy boomer that promised more videos will claw your spirit and victoriously drag you to Heck!'
Then I grabbed the book and said, "At this part of the country, which normie meme you're gonna post to tell them to leave you alone?" I said, "My fiend, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I would say... I'm born with the blood of GabeN! Let me go!"
I said, "Ohwoh, when you tossed that book in my lap, you gloated with a sinister victory. You rejoiced when you saw your name in black and white. Now I rejoice, but not that your counsel of demons are subject to GabeN, but that my name is written in Half-Life 2: Raising the Bar." Then Ohwoh jumped up from his chair and screamed, "You must leave now!" I said, "I will but one last obligation. Next time, think twice before you rumble with a man of Gabe and, by the way, thanks for your... Normie's invitation."
"Now get out of my forums, ya normie."
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