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Song Parodies -> "Screw Tha Colts"

Original Song Title:

"All For One"

Original Performer:

Brand Nubian

Parody Song Title:

"Screw Tha Colts"

Parody Written by:

Dylan Baranski

The Lyrics

OK, I am MAD because the Colts won the Super Bowl. Being a New England Patriots fan, I'm not happy because it's apparently not enough for the Colts to beat the Pats, so they gotta beat the team I chose as backup: the Chicago Bears. Yep, Da Beers (it seems I can hardly mention the Bears without referencing this). Since the Pats were out, I decided to root for the Bears, since I believe it's wrong to root for a team that shut out the Patriots. I forgot to turn on the TV to watch the Super Bowl for a few minutes. When I turned it on, I had only missed a couple minutes of it. I watched it until halfway through the 3rd quarter, when the Bears were down by 16-14. I didn't find out who won until the next day, when I got the sorry news. And to add insult to injury, my mom was rooting for the Colts! Ah well, I decided to follow my old maxim (or one of them, anyways): "Don't get mad, write a song about it". And so, that's what I did, even if it was 1 day over schedule. Heck, this song here is my first rap song parody. I was originally going to have the censored F-word in the title, but I decided to use a milder word in case it got rejected for the F-word. Anyways, if you were rooting for the Bears, I feel your pain. Ah well, at least the commercials were cool. As usual, enjoy the parody, comrades!
Screw tha Colts!
Yeah man, screw tha Colts!

It was Sunday night and I was really ready to see the big game,
I hoped the Bears would win 'cause the Colts were so lame,
Not worried "bout a thing, 'cause I knew the Colts would be tamed,
I was PO'ed really bad, 'cause the Colts set the Pats aflame.
What the heck?
For a bit I forgot to turn on my TV deck,
But what the heck?
Now when I turned the TV on, da Bears were in the lead by seven,
Soon, they got to fourteen, which is three points past eleven.
Things were looking really great, like Super Bowl thirty-eight (1)
When it comes to what the Colts did to the Pats, I get irate.
Adam Vinatieri, is why the Pats did so dreary,
Should've stayed on the Pats, that idea is more cheery.(2)
Da Bears I rooted for, 'cause they were clearly better
Besides, they'd played in weather that was much harsher & much wetter.
Plus the Colts are phony, & as limp as macaroni,
And they really stink bad like rotten bologna.
They beat the Pats, now what's up with that?
New England should've been doing real phat, but they went splat.
Colts really blow, like the gaddurn Denver Broncos.
Much worse than the Bengals, Marx & Fred Engels,(3)
Different from the guy, who makes words like Fengles.
The Colts got a good record, but that don't make 'em cool
In fact, compared to the Bengals, they're a bunch of fools.
A player named Manning got some points when he ran in,
But they tried for two points, & got a good panning.(4)
So da Bears were lookin' good there
I saw it on air and so far the Colts fared
Real bad. Until a guy named Rhodes had
The ball & scored a touchdown (not rad!)(5)
See I usually like to root for the Patriots,
But they were crushed by those Indianapolis idiots
So I had to get a backup & clap my mits
For da Bears, 'cause they'd defeat those other idiots.
Others tried to stop the Colts, but they failed miserably
In this big game, they were my one hope, see?
So to put it in a nutshell, things were going my way
But then everything went astray.

Screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)
Hey, screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)

Screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)
Hey, screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)

That game was really lame when the Colts took the lead
Things started going down the tubes when Rhodes did that deed to
Put the Colts ahead.(6)
The commercials they played were good, though
They kept my mind off of what was going on in the Super Bowl
At this time. Oh yeah, the Bears were going down
And things were really getting bad, I didn't like the sound
Of having the Colts win this.
If so, I'd be pissed really bad.
But if that happened, I'd be ready with this song
Because a Colts victory would be real wrong.
Now come on, Bears fans, I can understand your pain,
For they were doing good, despite the mud & rain.
But our hope, sent down the slopes, we really should've won
But those fronters from the Colts took away all our fun.
Now I'm really mad, the Patriots should've been playing.
Step to the page with this song & I'm singin' how I feel
I'm a parodier, what's the deal?
Da Bears were lookin' good, all the way down to the hood
I'd make up some words to rhyme, if I could.
I didn't get to see the end of the game at all.
Caught some winkin', and I started thinkin'
Did my backup team win or were they soundly creamed?
But I woke up the next day to find my dream
Had been soundly crushed. Didn't see that
Read my lips: I think the Patriots deserved to win(7)
I took the time to express what I felt in
My heart, without drinking some gin.
Oh well, at least they had some cool commercials playing.

Screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)
Yeah man, screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)

Screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)
Yeah man, screw tha Colts!
(Why not the Bears?)

Well, I think this was poor
The Bears did their best, but they lost so now I feel sore.
'Cause they were my one backup team
And their loss got me real steamed.
Plus, my mom rooted for the Colts which is an insult
But it's a good thing that she's nice & not a dolt.
'Cause if my mom didn't have other redeeming qualities on back up
My problems would rack up.
Well I guess I know the drill, but it's not to kill
I will write a song, for it's not wrong and it gives me thrill.
I didn't find out until the next day
But when I found out about it, it was ghey.(8)
I knew not to get mad, but just write a song about it
I'm not done, down on my laurels I won't sit.
And my analysis, is the Bears rule
And on the other hand, the Colts drool.
Hey, the Bears or Pats should've won the Super Bowl
But both of them lost just like Mr. Bob Dole.(9)
Not an Indianapolis fan at all
If the Patriots won, I'd have a ball.
But I'm mad, so I'm rapping to this beat
However, this song is a parody.
But that doesn't matter at all
As long as I'm expressing how I feel.
So that's how the story goes
The Bears should've won, not the dang Colts
The Colts are a bunch of dolts, and that's all I gotta say.

Screw tha Colts!
Yeah man, screw tha Colts!
Screw tha-
Screw tha Colts!
Yeah man, screw tha Colts!…
Cultural Notes:

1-New England Patriots VS. Carolina Panthers. Fortunately, the Pats won 32-29

2-Adam Vinatieri was the kicker for the Pats, until he traitored over to the Colts. What a putz.

3-Karl Marx & Fred Engels, the guys who invented Communism.

4-Peyton Manning scored the Colts' 1st touchdown, but they tried for a 2-point conversion & failed.

5-Dominic Rhodes of the Colts scored a touchdown to put the Colts ahead 16-14. Once that happened, it was all going down the drain.

6-See above note.

7-Even though the Patriots were beaten by the Colts, I was hoping for them to get to the Super Bowl & win.

8-"Ghey" is an alternate spelling of "gay", as in "Man, that's so gay (or ghey)", in order to avoid connotations of homophobia. I myself am not homophobic, nor am I homosexual.

9-Bob Dole was Bill Clinton's opponent in the 1996 presidential election. He lost.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - February 07, 2007 - Report this comment
DKTOS, so I didn't vote. I was also rooting for Da Bears. But, hey, it could be worse: You could be from Baltimore. At least they got back to the Super Bowl before the Indianapolis Irsays did.
Dylan Baranski - February 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Indianapolis Irsays? Who the heck are they? Ah heck, I'll just Wikipedia it... Nope, nothing. The closest I got was a Jim Irsay who owns the Colts. Is this what you meant?
Michael McVey - February 07, 2007 - Report this comment
The Colts EARNED the title, which is more than I can say for the Patriots of recent years. And they hadn't been in the Super Bowl since 1971, so I say it's about time. GO COLTS!!!!!!----MM (btw, I was born in Indianapolis, that probably explains my feelings)
Dylan Baranski - February 07, 2007 - Report this comment
OK, so they may have earned it, but they still suck. PATRIOTS RULE!
Below Average Dave - February 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I do know the original song--but am not a fan of Football. . .I didn't vote either--but I must give kudos for such devoted knowledge. . .It's awefounding to be honest.
Norman Wanman - February 08, 2007 - Report this comment
I too don't know the original song so I didn't vote. I really didn't fancy the ass whuppin' the Bears got. Oh well... at least the commercials was something.

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