Me, I'm here, eating snickers
Alone, by myself, I'm so nervous
As I wait, for a while, here backstage
I feel, like I must, break out of my cage

Our director, he secretly drinks from a little flask
The rest of us, we act like we don't know
Off-stage, it's like we all, are still wearing masks
We try, not to let our feelings, really show

People think it's so easy to
memorize an endless number of lines
I wish some people would shut their trap
What they know about acting is just crap

Our leading actor is late because he had to
Sew into his costume a new hemline
So I'll wait here
And eat my Snickers

(Chorus 1)
And I'll go on stage to
perform for the crowd,
if I do a good job
Everyone will be proud
Then I'll go home by myself
But I won't be getting drunk
With an enormous, gigantic bottle of
Liquor
Instead I'll be...

Eating snickers

We always seem, to get the same part wrong
We rehearsed it, over and over a hundred times
Right now, I rather be playing a game of ping-pong
Or out on the beach, relaxing, listening to Sublime

The lead actress thinks she hottest thing
Since Marilyn Monroe
On stage she seems great
Off stage she's really a hoe

(Chorus 2)
I hope that our timing is all right for tonight
So the jokes can get really big laughs
I especially like the one where our lead actress gets
kicked directly in her big fat ass
I don't know how well I can perform tonight
Because I'm having an attack of gas
Tonight I'll be...

Eating Snickers

(Bridge)
Our sets crumbled down
We paid our f**king stage fees!
Our make-up done like clowns
And the director is
drunk off his ass
Why must this be?

(Dramatic saxophone solo)

My family, has always told me
I should become a doctor
But I came to the city,
seeking fortune, and seeking fame
If I had learned to play guitar, I could go
On stage as a rocker
As a thespian, is how I want to
Win my acclaim

(Chorus 3)
After the show, I collect my things
And I tell the other actors goodbye
As I walk to my car, a girl comes to me and
And invites me out for some cherry pie
All the other guys are going out to the bar
And the director will drink whisky and rye
I won't be alone...

Eating Snickers

(Saxophone)

We screwed our debut

(Saxophone)

I suck, yes its true

(Saxophone, music stops)

She likes... Snickers... too...