Step back, what's that sound?
Here it comes, full blast and top down
Two bits, don't start throwing a fit
Hear it citizens, don't lose discipline
Don't you know it sounded weird to me?
You'd think this tune makes your
Brain cells hurt? [five-note "shave and a haircut" guitar riff]
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut

You've heard that tune, so to speak
A few of Weird Al Yankovic's polka medleys
Two bits, don't start throwing a fit
Yeah this tune's comin' through my stereo
Don't you know it sounded dumb to me?
You'd think this tune makes your
Whole heart hurt? [five-note "shave and a haircut" guitar riff]
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut (two bits!)
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut (two bits, two bits)

You heard it, you knew it
It may frighten some when you know it
Got the feeling, what's distracting?
Something's coming, guess what's playing now!
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut (two bits!)
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut (and then there's two bits)
Shave and a haircut, shave and a haircut (nothing but)
Shave and a haircut!