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Song Parodies -> "I Won't Kiss Ass"

Original Song Title:

"I Won't Back Down"

Original Performer:

Tom Petty

Parody Song Title:

"I Won't Kiss Ass"

Parody Written by:

Anonymous Parodist

The Lyrics

This is my response to all the ass kissing and sucking up parodies I've seen lately. Well, whatever floats you guys' boat. I'd rather get 5's and nice comments the old fashioned way...earning them, not sucking up and telling other writers how wonderful they are. Sickening.
Well, I won't kiss ass
no, I won't kiss ass
All my parodies, they might all just fail
but I won't kiss ass

Well, I do my best
perhaps, I won't impress
My parodies might be vote and comment-less
but I won't kiss ass

Hey baby, I won't take the easy path
Hey I, would rather earn my laughs
so, I won't kiss ass

Here at AmIRight
a sure way to get 5's
just suck up in comments or write a tribute
but to hell with that
no, I won't kiss ass

Hey baby, I won't take the easy path
Hey I, would rather earn my laughs
so, I won't kiss ass

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   2
 3   2
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

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Anonymous Commentor - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Don't know why you think you're anonymous. We all know who, and what, you are....jealous, and apparently very bitter about your lack of success as a parodist. And you can '1' our parodies all you's comments that take the measure of any parody. If you would spend more time trying to be funny instead of trying to make yourself feel better by demeaning others, you might improve the comments under your parodies. Until then, I reckon most of them will be like this. By the way, did you go to Texas A and M?
Below Average Dave - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
I do have to somewhat echo the first opinion. . .in fact I cherish ones because they show me that my song got to someone (the most funny parodies have to offend someone). I do agree with the general sentiment in the manner that I don't say something nice just to get something nice back, I'm honest so that someone knows why I vote one way or another (I don't personally check my votes regularly, but 111 voters tend not to leave comments) .. .I am kinda curious as to how the word @$$ got through Chucky's passing, I know the guy has a lot to do so I can't fault him, but unfortunately this site has a rule against excessive profanity. . .I'm sure someone will say something about that if anything--not I as I personally don't have a problem with it, but I figured I should advise that it could get the parody deleted. You don't have to kiss up so to speak to get your parodies noticed, but why should I as a general rule read your work if you don't read mine? Or anyone for that matter, I have very little time to read a lot of parodies as I work two jobs and do websites on the side, not to mention the recordings. . .I tend to read parodies by those that take the time to write something on mine--positive or negative--because it's a thing of courtesy, not kissing up.
Jason - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
I agree with both A.C and B.A.D above. I class myself as a 'part-time parodist' as I don't have enough time to submit them on a regular basis like most other authors. But I don't tend to get as many comments as I would have liked on my work. However, this DOES NOT make me take it out on anyone else. Yes I know it can be annoying, but do what most other reasonable people do. Write some quality stuff, not this screeching, whining stuff like in this parody and leave constructive critisism, praise and vote and Im sure you will get somewhere. Also while I am on my soapbox, take a look at this author Tokusou Sentai Blessranger. He belts out an ENORMOUS magnitude of parodies every week and guess what? If you are thinking "He must get a truckload of comments and votes", you are thinking wrong, yes wrong. He rarely gets voted on or commented on at all, simply because HE DOES NOT COMMENT ON OTHER'S PEOPLE'S WORK. If you really want votes and comments badly, why don't you go for the many Song Of The Month (SOTM) contests, where its compulsory to vote and comment on other's works? Anyway mr AP, hope this has been helpful to you and Im sure you will write some great stuff that will get commented and voted on! Good Luck!
Syncronos - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Take it from a Amiwriter who remembers back when they had a weekly top 10 ranking system- kissing A$$ or not guarantees NOTHING. Talent is talent. If you got the talent, people will see it in your work and vote accordingly. If you don't, they won't. No need to start a flame war. You lose; there's more of us then there are of you.
Rhymes with - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Sad and dorky
? - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Mad and porky?
A tribute to the A P - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Seems ta me yer angry nobuddy wrote YOU a tribute, so here goes, yer very own: Jealousy, sung to "YESTERDAY"

When combined with your hypocrisy
Add them up and this is what you see
Your common theme, and humor free

You expose yourself pedantically Try some humor, not inanity You might just find some sanity

Why you have to write with a bite, is plain to see

You're just head to toes in the throes of jealousy
Agrimorfee - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Tributer, are you John Barry, or Johnny D? :)AP, really, you seem to be making mountains out of molehills.
Jason - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Im guessing the tributer is Michael Pacholek for some reason.
AC II - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
AP, if you were kissing ass, you'd be kissing yourself. I believe AC nailed it above.
John Barry - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee, 'tain't me, but I like it.
A bag 'a morphine - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Here's a bag 'a morphine ta ease yer pain, laddie. Maybe yule write a gude one one of these days and get some comments ta put yer weary mind to rest. A tortured soul is na gude fer ya.
Mr. Critic - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey Anon Parodist, have my shoulder to cry on - nah forget it. As if your pathetic sulk of a parody will make us all vote for you.
Arwen - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm just confused as to why you won't kiss ass. Try might like it. Seriously. It got me through college.
The Undertaker - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm wondering if this means Dylan Branski's tribute to Steve Irwin means he's kissing a dead man's @ss? I see what you mean, meester anon parody writer, that IS sickening. Security code here is MAN, short for mean and nasty, which is what this parody reminds me of.
Abbey Roads - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment
When one of the lamest writers on the site has the nerve to get involved in a battle of wits...with anyone...while he is obviously unarmed, it shows his @ss is writing checks that his mouth can't cash. Oh, and I see he dropped in to comment here using his regular name to throw his identity off the scent> Now that IS lame. Dude, check the rhymes, three times. You still think we don't know who you are?. God.....get a life, and find a forum of second graders, where you'll only be slightly behind the curve, maturity and intelligence wise.
Anonymous Parodist - June 15, 2007 - Report this comment! I honestly didn't expect to get this much attention to to this when I wrote it. I guess I should say thanks to all voters....and these comments...again, wow! It seems I struck a nerve with this. There's too many comments to reply to each one, so I guess I'll pick and choose...AC- blah blah blah...afraid I don't get the the Texas A and M jab.....B-A-D = blah blah blah....okay, these are boring.....ah, heres one....tribute to a c = Interesting, I'd probably rate that 4-3-4, not shabby but not great either....Mr. Critic = well, obviously you're wrong because as I'm writing this, I see 7 votes and a lot of comments....Arwen = from what I've read of your stuff, that does not surprise me a bit... Abbey Roads- blah blah blah. Okay, I'll say this. I, myself, am satisfied with my ratings I've gotten. For someone not in the upper echelon of this place, I've done reasonably well. I'm talking about how this certain group of parodists just vote and comment and yes, kiss @ss with each other, and I've seen so many people, mostly newbies, who get ignored by you people. You won't give them the time of day. You just stay with each other patting each other on the back like you're the only people here. You're elitist snobs, and thats a fact.
McKludge - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm probably a fool for chiming in here, but as a relative newbie (I contributed a few in June 06, but just started up again in late April), I have not felt ignored at all. I have received comments from regulars like Phil, Agrimorfee, Kristof, John Barry, etc. I will let them answer why they chose to comment on my parodies and perhaps not others, I won't speak for them.
On a given day, 20+ parodies are submitted. It would take a good bit of time to read and comment on each parody each day, and that is time not everyone has. Is it unusual that one might choose to read and comment only on songs one knows or authors that one feels consistently show talent, instead of every single parody? I agree that makes it harder on newbies, but how is that different from any other part of life?
Red Ant - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Unlike McKludge, I KNOW I'm a fool for chiming in here. Aside from his first and last sentences, Synchronos is on the money. As for the parody, the pacing is off in several places, the choruses after the solo are missing, and while it makes a bold statement, it isn't funny. 323

Apparently I've missed something fairly big in the last week or so on Amiright, but I say in all honesty it's greatly disappointing to see two well-known authors play a pathetic pseudonym game with each other. I would have thought you guys above that, but I see I am mistaken.

AP: Most newbies get ignored because they ignore others - a certain recent SOTM entrant reinforced my opinion that most newbies don't give two sh*ts about others' parodies. Sad but true. I've personally given plenty of newbies the encouragement and reading you say others haven't, and 99% of that has been wasted effort, much like my words here no doubt are.

AC: "Don't know why you think you're anonymous." - touche. Although I've been out of the loop here lately, it doesn't take a genius to figure out who you are either. Really wish I hadn't done so, because it's a let down to know someone I looked up to at one point has stooped so low here.
Another tribute - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
A man crying out in such desperation NEEDS another tribute. To The Association's "Windy"


Who's sneaking out and using a new name
Calling us names and blowing hot air?
What writing clown cries out like a baby
Who would have guessed it's "Shakespeare!"

Who's crying out so churlish and pisssy
Snarling at everybody in tears?
Who's finding out his crap is pure torment
Everyone knows it's "Shakespeare!"
Since "Shakespeare" is not much read
He'll lash out as us instead
A hypocrite born and bred
Who's not to proud (Who's not too proud)
To cry out loud (To cry out loud)

(Whining, bawling Shakespearean Solo..."Please come read me, please)

Old Shakespeare has lots of songs
I read one once, not for long
My gag reflex ain't that strong
His songs I find (his songs I find)
Best for the blind (best for the blind)

What tipped me off he wrote the bad "Petty"?
Snarling at everybody, it's clear
Everyone else could write it much better
Who could it be but "Shakespeare"

Dee Range - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Very poorly written, but in the style of the real author. And I love the new nickname "SHAKESPEARE". Sarcasm has never seen a better example.
Dee Range - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
I should amend my confusing comment above. The Tom Petty parody is very poorly written, and devoid of humor, precisely why he author is so poorly received. The parody "SHAKESPEARE", the tribute to the 'unknown parodist', is, however, quite funny...and also true. BRAVO!!
Arwen - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Ahhh...well at least you've read my stuff. Wait...I don't remember seeing any Anonymous Parodist comments on my parodies. Are you saying that you read my stuff without voting or commenting? Why? Are you too good? Are you above commenting on my stuff? Elitist snob.
Hypocrite Alert #3 - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey "Anonymous" (what a laugh): I just remembered it was YOU who started the thread on the 'Song Parody' Messageboard last year. Your idea? "Hey, who wants to have a contest to see who can write the best tribute to another writer?"

I remember it vividly because I saw it as your sneaky little way to get somebody to write a tribute to you, knowing that otherwise, you would NEVER have one. I bet the guy who drew your straw had to bite his tongue doing it, and go to confession afterwards.

And here you are, trying to belittle some of the best writers on the site, AFW, alvin, John Barry, Dee Range, Arwen, Syncronos, etc. Your name is now officially in the dictionary, next to "HYPOCRITE"
Jack Wilson - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Below Average Dave - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
I too am curious as to who the parodist is. . .I really don't like fighting/arguing, and I just want to know so that I can avoid those parodies. . .I am honest with my comments. . .and I honestly don't like arguing--it's not healthy and it's not what I'm here for.
Sherlock Holmes - June 16, 2007 - Report this comment
"Watson, what rhymes with 'bag 'a morphine?"

Watson: Aggies on morphine?

Sherlock: close, but no cigar

Watson: "Sad and dorky?"

Sherlock: very close, agrimorphee
Sam Spade On The Nature of Hypocrisy - June 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Subject: Re: Tribute Competition Written By: agrimorfee on 08/09/06 at 8:00 am

I'm in. But I have a question...shouldn't we provide our life stories to one another first?

Rely on the author's parody page (if they have one), plus any other comments they might have made on and on other parodies. Take note of the songs they have written...their styles, their choice of artists, their most voted works. That's how I wrote "Tommy The Turtle" and "The Top 10 Parodists."
Arwen - June 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I keep coming back, in spite of myself. It's kind of like a train wreck... final two cents will be this: If you feel that strongly about your point, AP...then why submit it anonymously? If it weren't so whiney in nature, it could be taken as valid, and some folks might agree with you. I, for one, DO think that parodies should be rated for their merit, rather than for the voter's like/dislike for the writer. I'd agree with you there. And, honestly, I think most people would.'s kind of hard to be objective sometimes...when you develop relationships with people.

I know that a lot of people around here honestly consider the rest of the Amiright Gang to be a sort of family. A highly disfunctional family, to be sure...but a family, none the less. Let's say that my brother worked his butt off on a model car...did everything he could to make it the best he could...but it came out with 3 wheels and a drippy 8-toned paint job. Am I an asskisser if I tell him he did a good job...even though his project kind of sucks? I don't think so. It's called being supportive of people that we care about. That support that you accuse us of never giving. The truth, AP, is that the support IS there...but you have to care about someone other than yourself to enjoy it. If you want to go around the site like an overly pompous critic and tell everyone what they're doing wrong every day...that's your choice. But what makes you think they're going to turn around and give you props in return? Nobody's saying that you have to lie...but you don't have to be a jerk. Which you are.

Every last one of us was a newbie at some point. It's not we formed the "Elitist Snob Club" years ago, and then joined AmiRight to alienate the rest of the parody world. I stumbled upon this site and started writing...just like everyone else did. And slowly but surely I made friends here. Some of those friend were here when I got here...and they reached out to me...even though I was a newbie! And some of those friends came after me...and I reached out to them. And you're right, those friends High 5 me when I write. And yes, I High 5 them. But you're full of it if you want to claim that we don't High 5 anyone else...we do. If I have time, I try to read every parody that I know the OS of...regardless of who wrote it. But I'm not going to apologize if I have a busy day and only have time to check out a few authors' stuff when I stop in. I'm going to make sure that my friends know that I still support them...and appreciate their support. And if you call that freaking be it. If you, for ONE DAY, tried to be kind when you were might enjoy some of the same treatment.

And I LOVE how you throw this down like you're some champion for unrespected newbies. Give me a break. I'd be interested to know how many newbies you've taken under your wing. Of course, you'd have to admit who you are to tell us of any newbies you've mentored...and you won't do that, will you?

Which...bring me back to my original point. I'm sorry that you feel unappreciated on the site. I'm sorry that you think your writing goes overlooked because we're all too busy blowing smoke to notice what a genius you are. But what I'm most sorry about is the fact that you took the time to write this some self-righteous effort to make us all look bad...and you don't even have the courage to do it under your own name...because then we'd REALLY hate you, right? And while you're happy to snark at us all day long behind your cloak...and tell us how pathetic we're still hoping that we somehow choose to praise the next thing you post under your real name. If you think we're so pathetic...why do you care what we think of you anyway?

I'm not saying I've never done anything anonymously on the site...we've all done it...but this is just out of hand...
Thank you Sam Spade, for digging up the truth - June 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Great points, Arwen. And since Sam Spade has unearthed him, and we see he has already written a tribute parody which was about THE TOP TEN PARODY WRITERS, that means he was kissing ten @sses at once. Which jibes with his big hypocritical mouth, I guess. I mean, here he is slamming tributes, when all the time he was sucking up trying to win affection, which obviously didn't work, which is why he is so bitter about it, and why he WANTS to remain anonymous...only it didn't quite work, did it AGRIMORFEE?
Agrimorfee - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know what the hell is going on here with you people. I have only contributed 2 parodies here not under my own name, and this is not one of them. I have NEVER had any problems with people writing tribute parodies. How dare you Sam Spade, whoever you are, accuse me of writing something that I DID NOT, and also being testicularly-deficient to make this accusation UNDER A PSEUDONYM. On another subject, which had nothing at all to do with this parody as far as I can tell...Dee Range, you need to get the hell off your high horse, Adagio can fight her own battles..
Agrimorfee - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Incidentally, in regards to Hypocrite Alert #3: please see
Jason - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
To "Thank you Sam Spade, for digging up the truth", I sympathise with Agrimorfee. What you said about him was totally uncalled for, you ignorant rat-faced pillock! There is nothing wrong with writing 'tribute' parodies - in fact I am still waiting for someone to write a tribute about me (any takers? Red Ant? Michael Pacholek? Adagio?)
Also the whole point of the comments and votes section on the parodies is to LEAVE FEEDBACK on how good (or bad) the parody is. I really fail to see how this can be kissing someone's backside which you arrogantly boast about. To reiterate, all those who think we are bottom-kissers, try writing a decent parody that is funny and worth reading, and you never know, you may get some decent comments and votes.
The Charnstar - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
My god, this is just like a movie. Hate, aggression, violence, backstabbery... On second thoughts it seems more like Jerry Springer. Anyway, I dunno what half of you are talking about so I'm outtie!
McKludge - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm with ya Charnie, its more like Springer. Because regardless of who is right or wrong, both sides are starting to look foolish. I'm expecting a chair to come flying out of my monitor.
Jason - June 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I am pretty suprised why Jonathan S.(nake) hasn't stuck his nose in this bedlam since he likes making attacking comments!. Mind you, im sure with his talents he can come and stop all the madness going on here!
The Anonymous Parodist Whisperer - June 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, Anonymous Parodist, come here a sec...

psst psssssst pst pst psssss-sssst pst
The Anonymous Commentor Whisperer - June 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, Anonymous Commentor, over here a sec...

pssssssst psst psst......psst pst psssssssst
"Whisperers R Us" - June 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I just sent two of my best men over, guys

there should be no further problems
Anonymous Parodist - June 21, 2007 - Report this comment
I never anticipated that this would become the monster it has. I'll just say this one more thing, then I'm through with it. First on the pacing, It wasn't good in most places. I admit that. I foolishly tried to write the parody from memory rather than listen to the song. So, the parody itself suffered from that. Second, I was simply stating an opinion. I called out no names. The fact that so many people took offense to this simply proves my least to me. Third, Red Ant, I have no problem with you. I KNOW you have read and encouraged newbies when no other people would. So I have all the respect for you. You're one of this site's good guys. Fourth, the anonymous thing. I've been called a coward, but thats not true. If I said my name, people would just bombard me with 1's or maybe even 'sympathy 5's'. Yeah...I've been around. I know how this site works. And as I've already pointed out, I said no name,s so this is no direct attack on anyone. The only thing I was saying in this there ARE elitist snobs here (I find it amusing that even though I said no names, most of them seemed to know who they are). And I'm no genius (as I've been accused of thinking I am). I'm just a simple writer, nothing more nothing less. I'd rather just do my own thing, and if I get praised...great. And if I get ignored or bashed...thats okay too. I won't change who I am or how I write....specifically I won't kiss butt just to get the top parodists approval. Frankly, I don't care what you think. I've had my supporters, and none of them have been any of you. So, why would I want it now? Answer...I don't.
Jason - June 23, 2007 - Report this comment
To Anonymous Parodist, I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you want votes and comments on your works, why don't you enter the various SOTM (Song Of The Month) contests where its compulsory to vote and leave comments, otherwise you will be disqualified. So that way you WILL get commented and voted on and you'll never know, you could even win the contest!

(Funny that the code for this comment is R3F, as it looks like REF, as in reference to above!)
Max Power - July 02, 2007 - Report this comment

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