It was a total bummer
I sure was a fool
Well, I had a few drinks
actually, more than a few
Yeah, I closed that bar; I could barely see
Yeah, that damn Highway Patrolman had his eyes
fixed on me

With my mind like mutton; my hands on the wheel
Well, I missed that stoplight; heard his siren squeal
Caught me dead to rights; I was drunk, plain to see
I couldn't walk that straight line
soon in jail I would be

Well, I had several shooter's
got a DUI
Way too much booze, sir
'Cause Drunk Driving's a crime
Innocent people might die

[instrumental break]

As I parked I noticed a drink glass
Cop's gonna see it; I must think fast
But my head was pickled
Less brains than in my ass
I'm just too f*cked up, yeah
Way too freaking smashed

Had too many shooter's
too wasted am I
Cop said, "You lose, Sir
Now you're going for a ride
Watch your head, get inside"

Well, this is sure screwed, sir
I f*cked up this time
busted; a loser
I was too drunk to drive
Now I'll prob'ly do time

Had too many shooter's
Drunk Driving's a crime
You shouldn't do, sir
you might end up in pine
(You just might, Joe)

[instrumentals and following vocals at lower volume out to end fade]

Drank too much booze, sir
was too drunk to drive

Now I am screwed, sure
I will prob'ly do time

Stopped by that 'Cruiser
He might just have saved lives....