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Song Parodies -> "I Shoot Maxim At You"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell On You"

Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"I Shoot Maxim At You"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Hiram Maxim was an Englishman who was very inventive, so he may really have been German. He introduced his automatic machine gun to the British Army in 1885, and decisively speeded up the process of killing people. His gun could shoot more than 500 rounds per minute, giving it the firepower of about 100 rifles. The basic idea behind Maxim's gun, as well as the hundreds of machine gun designs that followed, was to use the power of the cartridge explosion to reload and re-cock the gun after each shot. The first basic mechanism for harnessing this power was the Recoil System. When you propel a bullet down the barrel, the forward force of the bullet has an opposite force that pushes the gun backward. In a gun built like a revolver, this recoil force just pushes the gun back at the shooter. But in a recoil-based machine gun, moving mechanisms inside the gun absorb some of this recoil force. Here's how: To prepare this gun to fire, you pull the breech bolt back, so it pushes in the rear spring. The trigger sear catches onto the bolt and holds it in place. The feed system runs an ammunition belt through the gun, loading a cartridge into the breech. When you pull the trigger, it releases the bolt, and the spring drives the bolt forward. The bolt pushes the cartridge from the breech into the chamber. The impact of the bolt firing pin on the cartridge ignites the primer, which explodes the propellant, which drives the bullet down the barrel. The barrel and the bolt have a locking mechanism that fastens them together on impact. In this gun, both the bolt and the barrel can move freely in the gun housing. The force of the moving bullet applies an opposite force on the barrel, pushing it and the bolt backward. As the bolt and barrel slide backward, they move past a metal piece that unlocks them. When the pieces separate, the barrel spring pushes the barrel forward, while the bolt keeps moving backward. The bolt is connected to an extractor, which removes the spent shell from the barrel. In a typical system, the extractor has a small lip that grips onto a narrow rim at the base of the shell. As the bolt recoils, the extractor slides with it, pulling the empty shell backward. The backward motion of the bolt also activates the ejection system. The ejector's job is to remove the spent shell from the extractor and drive it out of an ejection port. When the spent shell is extracted, the feeding system can load a new cartridge into the breech. If you keep the trigger depressed, the rear spring will drive the bolt against the new cartridge, starting the whole cycle over again. If you release the trigger, the sear will catch hold of the bolt and keep it from swinging forward. In future parodies, I will discuss the Blowback System and the Gas System.
Maxim gun went “Bang”
very fast

Energy from recoil system
Kickback was used
Rube Goldberg was pleased

So many moving parts
Belly dancer’s hips
Some came in handy
Hardly ever had severe breakdowns

[Do you know what I’m talking about?]

The Gatling gun was crude
Was crisis time
‘Til ‘85

Far too crude
Had to crank
Little use
Against armed Prussian troops
Sense of urgency
Call on Maxim

[Hell of a guy]

Barrel and bolt
Full explanation above
Parody done
(Took me all of 13 seconds)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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G.S. Kaufman - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Masterpiece of satire.
R. Benchley - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Terrific send-up .
Potluck - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
I have a Maxim in my collection. The serial number is HR581073. On what date was it shipped from the factory?
Twain Estes - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
I laughed so hard I got a hernia.
Really American - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Leftard Usurper!!!!
Dottie Parker - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Parody of a parody. Superb.
Giorgio Coniglio - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
I note that "Otto" and "Maxim" are palindromes, a noteworthy achievement. Otherwise unimpressed.
@Giorgio - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Maxim is a palindrome?
Patrick - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Looks like someone here has a competitor. Best scene with Maxim gun is in John Milius "The Wind and the Lion", where a salesman is trying to sell one to a petulant Arab prince, who proceeds to shoot up the grounds of his palace, sending all his retainers running for cover.
Undecided - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
This is either crap or a wickedly great spoof.
Giorgio Coniglio - February 17, 2014 - Report this comment
@ @Giorgio. Spoops! In fact, maxim is a quasi-'drome. All words would be better if they abetted 'dromes. In the current context let me say, "Max, emu mix a maximum exam". GioLio
Rob Arndt - February 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Wickedly funny. I approve of your sense of humor and your detailed description of the Maxim, although his own reason for developing his MG was based on financial reasons. At the 1882 Electrical Exhibition in Vienna he was quoted as saying, "Hang your electricity! If you want to make yourself rich, invent something that will enable these fool Europeans to kill each other quicker." Although his work involved using the energy released when a gun is fired, he also was trying to replace the Gatling hand-cranked rotary and various volley fire weapons worldwide. He was a brilliant inventor that worked on electric lights, gas generating plants, steam and vacuum pumps, engine governors, and even had a steam-driven airplane! The man had been an apprentice to a coach builder and worked at a shipyard. But even as the Maxim appeared others soon followed like Browning with the Colt Model 1895 MG and French Hotchkiss was gas-operated by 1897. The Germans adapted the Maxim into the MG-08 and 08/18 LMG. They also had the Bergmann MG-15. Eventually, the biggest improvement came with the WW1 German Parabellum MG-14. The toggle folded up instead of down, which allowed the receiver to be more compact, and the water jacket replaced with a slotted jacket to allow air to cool the barrel. By 1918 the Germans had motor-driven guns for the Pfalz D.XII at 1400 rpm and the experimental Gast guns with interlocking mechanisms and twin drums to fire 1600 rpm. By WW2, Germany had the first true GPMG with the MG-34 which led to the phenomenal MG-42! For the record the Germans had the fastest firing MG, single barrel, with the MG-81 which fired 1600 rpm. In 3-configuration for the Stuka gunpods the ROF was upped to 4800 rpm and for the SaMaKa with 8 of them- 12,800 rpm which is higher than modern miniguns but lower than caseless Metalstorm prototypes (one of which was multi-barreled and fired over 1 million rpm)!!! Please note that I have no competitors in military tech here. Nice spoof of the OS and of me, but I also have nearly 650 IPASOY parodies and JAB has 500+. 555!!!
Old Guy - February 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Quick, someone give Arndt a medal for most weapon parodies! Anything to stop the paragraphs!!!
Middleaged Guy - February 18, 2014 - Report this comment
OG, if you're so put off by Rob's work, why don't you get the f**k off the site.
Young Guy - February 18, 2014 - Report this comment
MG, your statement is the classic cliché of a low-life fool. Thoughtless, intolerant, and intolerable. If anybody doesn't belong on this, or any, site -- it's you.

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