Jesse's Girl, 2006


Jesse is a friend—
Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine
In the eighties something changed
It ain't hard to define:
Jesse got himself a girl and back then she was so fine

Now she's walking with forty-inch thighs
And she's crushing him with her body, (I just know it!)
And he's feeding her Pepperidge Farms late, late at night

You know I'm glad I don't have Jesse's girl
I'm glad I don't have Jesse's girl;
How can a fine woman turn so fat?

She wears the ropes in the parade,
Sits on a dollar and makes change
You know I feel so dirty
Cause I thought that she was cute
I wanna tell her, "skip the butter"
But the point is probably moot

Cause she's walking with forty-inch thighs
And she's crushing him with her body, (I just know it!)
And he's feeding her Pepperidge Farms late, late at night

You know I'm glad I don't have Jesse's girl
I'm glad I don't have Jesse's girl;
How can a fine woman turn so fat?

Now she's taking up two mirrors at a time
And she can't even see her feet
Jesse's money goes to Cool Whip and pie
And anything else she wants to eat

Tell me: How did a fine woman turn so fat?

(Instrumental, repeat refrain, fade out)