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Song Parodies -> "Beast Light In A Can"

Original Song Title:

"Best Man That I Can"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Beast Light In A Can"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Reuben

The Lyrics

This song was originally written for chugging contests at college football games. I tried to make it more generic by taking specific names out. It's also to a pretty obscure Queensryche song (I don't believe it was ever released.) Jelly and Kenny are the two main participants in the chugging contest. Sponge is me. Cham'peens is a bar around here. And if I have to explain this much, it's probably not going to do so well =)
"Don't worry Jelly, Kenny won't miss the game..."

At home alone in Jelly's room
The beer was hidden here
No one home to time me when I chug...

A young man now in a parking lot
The Jelly's here, oh but Kenny's not
But the dream is still alive
I've got a Beast Light in a can!

I want to be a dizzy man
I want a cold beer in my future
I'm gonna show the freshmen what I have
I'm gonna break out the chugging sheet
I'm gonna be the best they've ever seen
I know I'll win if I finish all the can
And I won't chug slow, gotta crush the can
You know Kenny won't show
To drink the Beast Light, the Beast Light in a can!

Back in college I had it good
I was the wonder of the Cumberland neighborhood
Now taking odds on the sub five second can
Kenny thought my time would rise
When my girlfriend came into my life
Giving him hope if he showed up for a game
But I won't chug slow, gotta be the man
Because Kenny won't show
To drink the Beast Light, the Beast Light in a can!

Gulp by gulp I drink the can
In the parking space I stand
Ed's Krispy Kremes are on my mind
Push the flow restrictor back
Watching Sponge run off and yack
He's spewing Beast Light in a can!

Knees bent forward
And I'm tilting my head back
Grab my phone, calling Kenny to talk some smack,
"You're at home, and I'm never slowing down!
I won't be torn between
The Maryland game
And some chick from Champ'eens
Your beer is here but we know that you won't come!"
And I won't chug slow, gotta make the game by ten
You know Kenny won't show
To drink the Beast Light, the Beast Light in a can!

The Beast Light in a can!

The Beast Light in a can!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rice Cube - June 13, 2003 - Report this comment
I don't know the original song, Jeff, but I can attest that Beast Lite is NOT the beer of choice for beer pong, drinking games, etc. I think it does something wacky to your system :-P
Brian - July 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Good parody. Give it fives. You mentioned the song was obscure and probably wasn't released. Actually it was released on the album Empire. First track on the album.
Jeff Reuben - July 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Brian...I knew it was on the album, I didn't know if it was released as a single.
Z - September 18, 2012 - Report this comment

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