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Song Parodies -> "Welcome to The Pasture (By Guns N' Butter)"

Original Song Title:

"Welcome to the Jungle"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Guns N' Roses

Parody Song Title:

"Welcome to The Pasture (By Guns N' Butter)"

Parody Written by:

Callmelennie

The Lyrics

I spent some years as a student teacher and a sub teacher after leaving the Army. At times, I would be teaching one of the driest topics in all of high school land .. the ol' "guns and butter" Production Possibilities tradeoff curve .... Almost always, within seconds of my saying the words "guns and butter" somebody would say .. anybody? .. anybody? They'd go "Guns 'N" ... anybody? .. anybody? ... Bueller? ... Bueller? That's right, Ashley, he'd say Guns N' Roses ..... So I've had this idea of parody song by the band Guns N' Butter in my mind for 20 years but never finished it until last night. The power of a positive, supportive environment ......
Welcome to the pasture, you'll chew cud and gaze
We'll take everything you've got
Bossy, we've got the maize
You are the creatures who bovine everything you need
But if you got the uddahs, Bruddah
We'll give them a squeeze
In the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Watch me wringing on your ta, ta, ta ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, TEATS, teats
I wanna curd some cheese!!

Welcome to the pasture, we milk you twice a day
If you lactate, we're gonna squeeze
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very hefty girl, just what Elmer needs
You can taste that clover, Bossy
But you gotta get preg for me*
In the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Feel my, my, my milk machine (Mooo-ah!)
I wanna skim your CREAM!

(Moo-ah, moo-ah, moo-ah, moo-ah, moo-ah, moo-ah, moo-ah ...)

Welcome to the pasture, we make curds here every day
We'll make you graze like an animal
And turn the rest to whey*
And if you got a hunger for barley seeds
Keep calve-ing perpetually
You can have those alfalfa sprouts
But you better well produce for me
In the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Watch me wringing on your ta, ta, ta ,ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, TEATS, teats
Moooo-ah .. I'm gonna give a SQUEEZE

And when there's flies you never
Ever want to swat down
So down, so down, so down ... YEAH!

YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?
You're in the pasture, Bessie
You got cow PI-I-I-IEEES!

In the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Watch me wring it from your ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta Teats, Teats
In the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Wield my, my, my milk machine
In the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Watch me bring it to your ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta Teats, Teats
Down in the pasture, welcome to the pasture
Watch us wring it from your ..

We're gonna bring you sprouts! HUH!





*Milk cows need to calve on a regular basis or their udders dry up completely. *Whey was once the inedible by-product of converting milk to cheese. It used to be thrown away, until modern filtration processes made the taste palatable

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Matthias - March 06, 2018 - Report this comment
This is hilarious! Cows are generally funny creatures but when you write about them to a high intensity hair metal song it gets even better!
CML - March 06, 2018 - Report this comment
Yeah Matty, what's a more incongruous match for jungle than pasture. When's the last time some grizzled veteran cautioned some kid who was wet behind the ears, "Kid, it's a PASTURE out there!" .. or spoke about "The Law of The Pasture -- Feed or Be Fed." ........ Of course, I have to give credit to that one smart ass in every high school class I encountered. Not a real stretch to go Guns 'N Butter ---> Guns 'N Roses ----> Welcome to the Pasture
Rob Arndt - March 06, 2018 - Report this comment
Very creative indeed! 555!
CML - March 06, 2018 - Report this comment
Thanks, Rob. A couple of times after some kid said that, I would sometimes joke, "You know there was a band formed by some ex-high school economics teachers who called themselves Guns N' Butter; ever hear of their hit song "Welcome To The Pasture?" Kids would generally laugh at that; but if they didn't, I had a back up joke .... "C'mon kids can you all at least pretend that I'm being funny? Just use your illusion."

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