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Song Parodies -> "White Sticks"

Original Song Title:

"White Lines"

Original Performer:

Grandmaster Flash

Parody Song Title:

"White Sticks"

Parody Written by:

Dylan Baranski

The Lyrics

It's been a long time since I wrote a rap parody, so I figured I'd do another. Since the OS was an anti-drug song (yes it is, just listen to the lyrics), I figured I'd make an anti-smoking parody. I know that cigarettes aren't all white (they're brown at one end), but this title fits better than "White & Brown Sticks", ja? Anyways, enjoy the parody, & stay smoke-free, homies! DKTOS?
Fun, baby.

FREEZE!
STOP! [echoes]

Ruh!

Bass.

(Oooooooooohhh, white!)
(White!) [repeat these lines x3]

(Oooooooooohhh)
(White sticks)
Misled dreams of coolness,
(Can really make you sick)
And all the while, they kill you slow.
(Pipe wants)
They’ll cause your health to regress,
(For you around to stick)
The more you hear, the more you know.

(Gettin’ you hooked with nicotine)
Baby.
(A lot more addictive than caffeine,
But white sticks kill you dead.)

(NO!)
(STOP IT!)
(NO!)

Don’t you get on White Stick Highway,
You’re better off if you go my way.
Keep your toll,
Save your soul,
Turns your lungs as black as coal.
The more that you smoke,
The quicker you’ll croak,
Because tar gets your lungs choked.
They cause cancer too,
You might lose your tongue,
And it’s not really fun when it’s in your lungs.

(FREEZE!)
(STOP!) [repeat these lines x4]

(SMOKE!)

Cancer, baby.
Lung cancer, baby.
Tongue cancer, baby.
YOU WON’T EVER COME BACK!
(MENTHOL!)

Rang-dang-diggity-dang-da-dang,
Rang-dang-diggity-dang-da-dang,
Rang-dang-diggity-dang-da-dang,
Diggity-dang-da-dang,
Diggity-dang-da-dang.

(White sticks)
Whiter than zinfandel,
(A habit you should kick)
You won’t be havin’ fun, baby.
(I’ve seen)
You’re gonna feel like hell,
(The effects of nicotine)
Your health will be undone, baby.

(Don’t let ‘em take your life away)
Baby.
(And make you throw all your cash away,
‘Cause white sticks kill you dead.)

(NO!)
(STOP IT!)
(NO!)

A trillion little death sticks,
Painted brown & white.
A multi-billion dollars,
Almost overnight.
Packed with harmful poisons,
Vital functions they halt.
And if you get hooked baby,
IT’S NOBODY ELSE’S FAULT, SO DON’T DO IT!

(FREEZE!)
(STOP!) [repeat these lines x4]
Ruh!
(SMOKE!)

Cancer, baby.
Lung cancer, baby.
Tongue cancer, baby.
YOU WON’T EVER COME BACK!
(MENTHOL!)

(Don’t you go get hooked)
Don’t you go get hooked, baby.
(Turns you off)
It really turns all of us off.
(Hey you gotta stay down)
Your health risks will be risin’.
(Your life will be gone)
No, we don’t want you to go!

A minor got arrested,
Gonna do some time.
He lifted a pack of smokes
And might commit more crimes.
An old man has to lug
Around some oxygen,
His lungs are screwed,
He can’t chew food,
And his skin’s all wrinkled.
Ruh!

(To-bacco!) [x2]

Candidates rejected,
Tracheas infected,
Families, friends, & coworkers are thoroughly affected.
A lot of money’s wasted,
And foul things are tasted.
Lots are broke,
And it’s no joke!
IT’S HARD AS HELL TO FIGHT IT!
DON’T BUY IT!

(FREEZE!)
(STOP!) [repeat these lines x4]
Ruh!
(SMOKE!)

Lung cancer, baby.
Lung cancer, baby.
Tongue cancer, baby.
DON’T SMOKE!
Ruh!

(White sticks)
Misled dreams of coolness,
(Can really make you sick)
And all the while, they kill you slow.
(Pipe wants)
They’ll cause your health to regress,
(For you around to stick)
The more you hear, the more you know.

(Gettin’ you hooked with nicotine)
Baby.
(A lot more addictive than caffeine,
But white sticks kill you dead.)

Little Jack Fletcher,
Layin’ on a stretcher,
They’ll snip out his tongue.
This ain’t funny,
But he took his money
And sucked it DOWN HIS LUNGS!


Guy 1: Hey man, you wanna have a smoke?

Guy 2: Sure man, whaddya got?

Guy 1: I got Camel Lights, Marlboro…I got some real good stuff.

Guy 2: Yeah, lemme check it out, man. Lemme take a drag off one of those.

(DO-DO-DO-DON’T DO IT-DO IT!)

Guy 1: Go ahead, man. You’ll be cool in no time.

Guy 2: (Cough! Cough!) Yeah, man. I…I’m really cool now! (Cough!)

D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
DO-DO-DO-DON’T-DON’T DO IT!
B-B-BABY!

B-B-BABY!

D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
DO-DO-DO-DON’T-
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
DO-DO-DO-DON’T-DON’T DO IT-DO IT-DO IT!
B-B-BABY!

D-D-DON’T-DON’T-,
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-,
DO-DO-DO-DON’T DO IT!
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
D-D-DON’T-DON’T-
DO-DO-DON’T-
D-D-DON’T-DON’T,
D-D-DON’T-DON’T,
DO-DO-DO-DO-DON’T-DON’T DO IT-DO IT!
DON’T DO IT-DO IT!

DO IT-DO IT!

(FREEZE!)
(STOP!) [repeat these 2 lines until fade out]

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   7
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User Comments

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GANGSTA JOE - September 12, 2007 - Report this comment
YO, THIS BE THA MOST GANGSTA PARODY I SEEN IN A WHILE, MAN! 555 FROM THA WESSIDE!
JennyCO - December 13, 2007 - Report this comment
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Phil Alexander - December 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Only just caught this 'cause of JennoCO's comment - I remember the OS from way back when (IIRC it was banned by the BBC until someone pointed out that it actually had an anti-drug message, but that might be memory playing tricks). This is a superb parody, Dylan.

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