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Song Parodies -> "I'm Blowing You Away"

Original Song Title:

"I've Never Been to Me"

Original Performer:

Charlene Duncan

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Blowing You Away"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

Some of the most popular youtube videos are the ones in which store clerks and customers get the best of hold up men and shoot, beat or chase them off. Someone is bound to assemble a bunch of these into a DVD. This is my proposal for a theme song.
Hey, Bastard! Hey Jerk-Off!
Thieving S.O.B.
Where'd you ever get the notion
That it's O.K. robbing me?
I've no doubt you dream about
The loot you plan to spend
But you had to start
With this fat old fart
Now your life is going to end

Seems you've been to stealing
And dirty dealing
Ever since you were born
Spent your days smoking crack cocaine
And your evenings watching porn
Too many times you've picked 'em
But I'm no victim
And what's mine, I plan to save
Your luck just ran out, Fool
Now I'll put you in your grave

Yo, Maggot! Yo, Lowlife!
Better walk away
'cause I've got an itchy finger
Hopin' you will make my day
I'm no liberal judge you see
Who'll let this bullshit pass
I won't take your crap
I'm about to snap
And I'll perforate your ass

You've learned to fight
But not wrong from right
That's a lesson I plan to teach
No excusin' the path you're choosin'
And grabbing all in reach
With all these bullets whizzin'
You'll wish that prison
Is where you're heading to stay
I got the drop on you
Now I'm blowing you away


You, Dirtbag, you know what crime is?
It's a choice you make, to rip off people
who work their butts off to make a living.
You know what justice is?
It's this gun I'm holding. It's these bullets I'm loading
this morning, the same ones
the coroner is going to pull out of
your corpse this evening.
That's truth, that's death.


You see I've been to shopping
For ammunition
To blow you off of your feet
It's my decision that it's my mission
To get your kind off of the street
I've been karate training
And knife skills gaining
My weapons I know quite well
Hey, your days are numbered, Punk
Then I'm sending you to Hell.
Anyone wishing to record this, let me know. Any parody I have on this site is open to any competent singer, I enjoy hearing my stuff done right.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

2Eagle - August 31, 2012 - Report this comment
"Perforate your ass" - LOL.
Rob Arndt - August 31, 2012 - Report this comment
555!!! Dirty Harry retires and runs a convenience store OR it's a Korean store in LA ;-)
WarrenB - September 02, 2012 - Report this comment
I think what I like most about this is you took one of the sappiest songs ever and made it into a vigilante anthem. Good job, Patrick. A fun read.
Patrick - September 04, 2012 - Report this comment
The orginal was considered controversial because it upheld traditional values. I only recently learned that the song was originally written for a man, and that Howard Keel recorded it. When I hear my parody in my head, I hear Charlene singing it. Weird.
Tommy Turtle - September 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Only for so long as we keep our 2nd Amendment rights, which also will require eternal vigilance. ... What WarrenB said about twist on OS.

.555 caliber parody here, but what's this porn connection? Some law-abiding citizens may indulge at times, or so I've been told....
Patrick - September 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Needed a word to rhyme with "born". Couldn't see a lowlife playing his "horn", or mending a shirt that was "torn". Saw a story yesterday about a 92 year old man in Kentucky whose farm and home had been the target of thieves. He heard some noise from his basement so he grabbed his rifle and sat down in a chair. After 15 minutes, 3 burglars came up the steps. He shot the first one straight through the heart. The other two took off with the body and were caught in the next county with some bogus story about how their buddy got killed. They are being charged with evidence tampering for not leaving him where he fell. Some commentators have said they could also be charged with felony murder. If they had left him the chances are good they would never have been linked to the break in at all.
TT - September 06, 2012 - Report this comment
He couldn't fire at two other guys who were weighed down by carrying a dead body? ... In my state, it's unquestionably felony-murder. They committed a felony in which someone died, so they are guilty of killing the third guy, since the homeowner acted lawfully. Same if a cop shoots the guy -- the other two are guilty of murder. Food for thought, esp. if it happened more often.

Change the "born" line to "birth", then you can play with "Life has no worth", etc. ;-D
Patrick - September 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Old man, 92, seated in chair when he fired the one shot that took out the burglar. It appears the other two were still downstairs when their buddy fell. The homeowner probably wasn't quick enough to pursue the other burglars. Sometimes the law can turn on a defender who chases a criminal. Not likely in this case in this state, but who knows? He seems to have chosen a good defensive position, and knew what he was doing with a rifle.

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