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Song Parodies -> "Never Booze On Rally Days"

Original Song Title:

"Avenues And Alleyways"

Original Performer:

Tony Christie

Parody Song Title:

"Never Booze On Rally Days"

Parody Written by:

Andy Primus

The Lyrics

"The Protectors" (TV series) theme tune
Is Tony Christie known to Americans?

Downed lots o’ whiskey
High, and I’m frisky
Deem to be fun highs:
Sheep sin an’ whore thighs
Team boss will chastise
Hell’s what I’ll pay

I should never booze on rally days
I should sleep; there’s a race on, starting at five
At ten, had a punch up
At two, threw my lunch up
Now I doubt that I can drive
Should never booze on rally days
Find it hard to be quick when my head is fried
Maps are in a jumble
Nous is duff; I bumble
Need the loo: I’m full, inside
I’ve still got an hour
Off to take a shower
Reel about: I’m way pie-eyed


Thrown up, but merry
Been on the sherry
Sway to the start-line
Boy, that’s a bad sign
More spew: I’m not fine
Cheeks are so white

I should never booze on rally days
Now the flag’s up, an’ I’m off; wheel spin is long
Low revs are for losers
Recklessness for boozers
Hope excessive speed ain’t wrong
Should never booze on rally days
Now the clutch on the fan is startin’ to fry
Rad blow: engine siezin’
Got no antifreeze in
Now the motor’s gonna die
Fearin’ it’s a nobble
Steerin’ has a wobble
Once again…the loser guy

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
i use to watch the Protectors all the time as a kid. Great job, Andy(R.I.P. Tony, and thanks for the good memory)
AFW - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Not familiar with show or tv celeb you mention, but very good rhyming and stor y
Andy P - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks Mark - not sure if you're thinking of the right show. The Protectors starred Robert Vaughn & Tony Anholt, but The Persuaders starred Roger Moore & Tony Curtis. Both ran in the early 1970's & both of the Tony's are dead. I don't think Tony Anholt was well known in the US (also been in Space: 1999, Howards' Way & Lexx), so I'm guessing that you're saying RIP about Tony Curtis. I'll add an RIP for both Tony's

Thanks AFW - Tony Christie didn't star in the show, he only sang the theme tune. I wondered if he was known in the US. He had two bigger UK hits with "Is this the way to Amarillo" & "I did what I did for Maria"
Mark Scotti - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Sorry about the misstype, Andy. I was talking about the Persuaders...
Andy P - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
That's OK, Mark, I guessed you was thinking of that one - not sure if The Protectors was even shown in the US
Tommy Turtle - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
No. And no. Best bet: Assume that you live in Tibet, and explain *everything* to us dumb Yanks. (It's what I do, even to my own countrymen. Get a few complaints about footnotes, but better than having a lot of people "not get it". ;)

Um, how do the British say "Five five five"? .. I'll "have a go" at it (another UK-ism, though self-evident): "Bloody well-done, old chap! :)
Fiddlegirl - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm afraid I DKTOS... But I don't let details like that get in *my* way! [Particularly not when an Andy P. song is on the line.] Entertaining as always! :D
Patrick - October 09, 2010 - Report this comment
I remember the show "The Protectors" on Kansas City late night TV. The theme was even played on local radio.
Andy P - October 09, 2010 - Report this comment
TT - I'm cock-a-hoop that it was so bloody well done, my ol' china (Now try and work that one out!)

FG - thanks, I thought I was going to be the last line of my parody with this one :)

Patrick - I'm glad someone knew it. The theme song was a chart single in the UK, so probably a single in the US if it was getting radio play
Old Man Ribber - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Ahhh...the charms and dangers of of drinking and driving. Fine job here. ;D
Andy P - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks OMR

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