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Song Parodies -> "I Fell On Top of a Turd"

Original Song Title:

"Top of the World"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Carpenters

Parody Song Title:

"I Fell On Top of a Turd"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

I remember when I was about 7 or 8 years old I was playing on a neighbor's front lawn and had the misfortune to stumble, tumble, fall and sprawl right into this incredibly huge, gross, nasty pile of dog-doo that some wretched mutt had deposited there fairly recently. I will NEVER forget what that felt like. As soon as I realized the miserable fate that had befallen my previously "un-shat" upon young body I starting screaming and crying. Then got up and ran home as fast as my little crap-coated butt could, taking into account the extra weight I was now packing in my "saddlebags". I think it was probably the first time I ever pleaded with my Mother to give me a bath and a complete, thorough scrubbing. Wanted another one when she was done, too.
Nausea is coming over me
Cause I stumbled in the park and lost my feet
'Cause the place where I fell had an auspicious smell
Didn't have to look; I recognized that reek

Everything I'm wearing is now smeared
With dog excrement; it's much worse than I feared
And when people come near they all stare at me weird
'Cause my rear end's caked with sh*t on both my cheeks

I fell on top of a turd; a gross blob of dog excretion
That some sickly mutt just dropped from his behind
Yes, that stuff on the ground is the sh*t of some damn hound
Lost my balance and fell "plop" on that turd

Wretched stench my clothing will retain
I will smell like sh*t the rest of the whole day
So displeased, yes indeed, I think I'm about to heave
Makes me queasy, this damn crappy mess on me

Only one thing would cause me to smile
That someday my vengeance will not be denied
I will get hold of that mutt and I'll kick his god-damned butt
Yes, I'll take out my frustration on his rear

I fell on top of that turd; that gross blob of dog excretion
That this nasty mutt did squat and leave behind
Fell face-first in that mound of dog-crap from that damn hound
Yes, I stumbled and went "flop" right in that turd

I fell and "plopped" on that turd, it was such gross degradation
I desire vengeance; I won't be denied
Kick that mutt all around and then take him to the pound
In that cage his crapping will be deterred

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 36

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 3
 3
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 3
 2
 
 5   36
 30
 31
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Adagio - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Kids end up doing silly things, huh? I remember accidentally sitting on an an ant hill in AZ when I was in the second grade. The parody is really good, 5's
Guy - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul - well done, I could hear the little kid in the lyrics. You must have taken yourself all the way back when you wrote this one. Even though this is a really shitty song I'm still fiving it.
Phil Alexander - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I loved it, Paul - beautifully retold and with *such* feeling. My only comment would be "inauspicious", surely?
Rick D - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
As a person who works outdoors, this is certainly one of my "pet" peeves. Years ago, New York passed a strict "pooper scooper" law imposing strict fines. The day it took effect, animal regulation picked up a record number of abandoned dogs. Sounds just like what my ex said: " I'll enjoy your companionship as long as I don't have to clean up after you."
Paul Robinson - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio, Guy & Phil. Thanks! Phil, yes, it appears I had the definitions "cross-circuited" in my brain - that is unless I want to sit here and claim that my 8 year old self had somehow managed to develop a sense of irony - not all that likely, although I do remember many years later managing a Surplus Store that my older cousin Harold owned. One of his favorite sayings to indicate that his luck was GOOD and that things came out OK for him was to say that he had "stepped in sh*t". He said it whenever things worked out well even though he may not have known what he was doing...which was a lot more often than he realized...aww...that's not nice, I actually kind of liked Harold, he was certainly one of a kind and I must say I kind of miss him.
Paul Robinson - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick D - at least you didn't end up in the pound...
Rick D - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
No, but I've been in the doghouse plenty of times.
alvin rhodes - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
what a scream..5s
Paul Robinson - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin...
jango - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Reminds me of when I stepped on a hornet's nest. Good use here of a sappy song that needed to be dirtied on.
Dee Range - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul. this same exact thing happened to me when I was 8, with about the same reaction. Good job reconstructing it. 5's
Paul Robinson - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
jango - hornet's nest, eh? The kid that lived directly ACROSS the street from me did that - let's see...Artie Groschell - he was a couple years older than me, I think, but apparently not a whole lot smarter. Dee - Say, that didn't happen to be a pile of dog-crap on "Carlin St" in Norwalk, CT, did it?
Mari D - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
The OS is so squeaky clean that I loved your lyrically rubbing it in the excrement! It also brings a wave of nostalgia... thinking about the time when, in 5th grade, I was sitting in the classroom when there arose a horrible stink. It turns out that it was coming from my shoes! Apparently, I had stepped in doggy poopy, which had lodged itself in the crevice between the heel and sole of my shoe. Still, that wasn't nearly as bad as what happened to you! Good thing you know how to "make lemonade."
Arwen - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I love Love LOVE the orginal song, Paul. I'm going to be in a MAJOR fight with you if I get these lyrics in my head when I'm listening to my Carpenters Gold CD...

They're funny as hell, though...I'll give you that...along with a couple of...(or 3) 5s...
Johnny D - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Woof! Love it! Have a chew stick.
Peregrin - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul, that was great! Sooner you than me, I am sure you don't mind hee hee!
Paul Robinson - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow! Does everyone in the whole freaking world have an ugly "dog-doo" episode that stunk up a chunk of their childhood? I'll tell you what, though, I DID learn a valuable lesson from that wretched experience: after that day I ALWAYS carefully checked out the entire lawn or grass area FIRST BEFORE I leapt and frolic'd about. AND, one time when a couple of the other kids made fun of me for it I noticed a dog crap in a strategically vital but somewhat hidden area of our potential football field and I decided I had to get right home that day for some reason - forgot to mention what I had observed...I heard the next day that one of would-be tormentors got his just Doo-Doo...Yeah, kinda mean...but...Thanks, Mari, glad it was just a shoe crevice, although that was still probably totally disgusting and not much fun. Arwen, doesn't the "Top of the World" have dog poop in it, too? JD - Well, I hit the skids at a young age; after that happened I decided to go with the flow and let a lot of sh*t slide, ya' know?
Paul Robinson - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Per...Sh*t, you know something? This particular episode was SO long ago that I'll bet most of you weren't EVEN BORN yet when I took my "turd tumble". Around 1958...
Uky - September 07, 2004 - Report this comment
I am surprised that aoid hasn't commented on this yet; I know how much he detests parodies that deal with this subject matter.
Paul Robinson - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Uky, Well, "aoid" can do what he/she wants, as we all can. Thanks for looking in.
aoid - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul, I've mentioned before that I'm male, so please remember that for future reference.
Paul Robinson - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
aoid - Sorry about that, but I have to say that your most memorable characteristic is your somewhat overblown aversion to "excrement based parodies". I don't think I've ever seen you voice an opinion about anything else on this site, so that's the only association my mind makes when your "handle" comes up. However, I will try to be more cognizant of your gender in the future. You know, unless you are posting comments or whatever under another name as well we really don't have much of a "relationship" here - I write parodies, some of which occasionally have story-themes involving urine or excrement. I happen to think I write them pretty well and that if you can make the words flow cleanly to a good sounding song it makes this type of parody quite funny. You apparently are fundamentally opposed to the subject being used at all so it is doubtful you could ever really enjoy this type of piece. Too bad, your loss. But it all makes me wonder - if it bothers you so much...OK...HERE...if it bothers you so much, WHY DO YOU LOOK? I swear I'm not forcing you to - if you don't like that type of stuff, why put yourself through it? You've made it clear you don't find it funny and say it disgusts you. Hey, there are some things that TRULY disgust me in this world and I can categorically state that when I know one of the is going to be staring me in the face if I click a certain button I DON'T CLICK IT. Yeah, I'm ranting but I just don't see your point...period. Sorry, if I have offended you with my offerings, I can tell you I did not specifically write it with that in mind. I hope you find others works on the site that you truly find amusing and enjoy. Have a nice day...dude...
Arwen - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Um...in aoid's defense, Paul...and I'm not taking his side...but...

The feedback portion of this whole process isn't limited to positive feedback...or at least it shouldn't be.

Think about it in life: Sometimes you take a stand against something that you don't like...because you want your voice to be heard. Maybe...if you complain enough...something will change. That's the hope, anyway. You don't like George Bush...but you listen to what he has to say so that you can call him a liar with a clear conscience. It's kind of...and I might be stretching a little bit...what we can attribute all of our freedom to...the fact that someone was brave enough to stand up and say what they thought...regardless of the fact that it wasn't the popular stance.

Does that make sense?
a fresh-faced smiling young person with a clipboard - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
aoid, please give the folks here at Amiright a few examples of exactly what kinds of parody topics you DO enjoy and find appropriate & appealing?
Paul Robinson - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen, don't misunderstand me here, aoid is perfectly entitled to his opinions and to express them if he sees fit, but isn't it rather pointless to only tell the writer what he DOESN'T like and NEVER anything about what he does like? In this case the complaint is just so predictable and yet so generalized & non-specific that there really is nothing I can see that I would or should try to do differently. Which I frankly am starting to find a bit tiresome...maybe that comes off as sort of a snotty response but hey, shouldn't I be entitled to the same freedom to express MY pointedly weary and grumpy opinion back to him ? I can't see any reason to abridge MY freedom to accomodate what appears to be almost an "automatic default" complaint about this type of parody. Hope this clarifies my thoughts here. I've NEVER said aoid had no right to his opinion, I just wondered why that it happened to be the ONLY type of opinion he ever wished to express about my work. Does that mean that nothing else I do or say here triggers any reaction in this reader? If that's the case we really don't have much to say to each other, do we? Well, anyway, that's my "stance" here...was that "brave" enough for ya? {~}
Arwen - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm not saying you can't say what you want, Paul. You were asking why he bothers to read the stuff he doesn't like...I was butting my big nose into things and giving a possible, and in my opinion, a valid reason. I would stick up for you just the same if someone told you not to comment on their stuff.
Paul Robinson - September 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen - Okie dokie...I understand...but to me it appears that aoid and I really DON'T have much to say to each other, so I'm not going to waste any time worrying about his opinions. I think I already know what they are, and I say that about very few people, by the way...anyway...well, I don't usually go to this point, but I might as well say the apparent disdain flows both ways. Guess that's more than plenty to say for now.
Adagio - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM still a good one....already voted.
Paul Robinson - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio - Thanks!
Guy - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - See my comment above.
Arwen - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--I've commented...and managed to keep these lyrics out of my head...I'm actually listening to the Carpenters right now...so...cross your fingers, Paul!
Paul Robinson - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Guy, Thanks again! Arwen, keep thinking clean thoughts...(heh-heh), punishment enough, I think...Remember, "Clean mind, clean body...take your pick"...thanks again...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Oh my, this brings back childhood memories of my own. I had pigged out on dog biscuits and felt really sick about an hour later, I couldn't hold it in any longer and had to take a dump in the middle of some park.... nice parody, by the way!
Paul Robinson - October 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Jake - so you think I might have fallen in a pile of your barf and mistaken it for dog poop? naw...I wasn't in it long but it was long enough to tell that it was the real deal...Thanks for stopping by...
Spaff.com - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Great opening line and funny throughout. The thought of Karen Carpenter singing about poop makes me giggle. "Excrement Once More." "We've Only Got the Runs." "Pooperstar." Nice work, dawg.
Paul Robinson - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff - Thanks! Oooh, that's a sh*tload of really funny suggested titles you've laid out there. The only one I can think of now that might be even close would be "It's Going to Take Some Time", with the story-line delving into the discomfort and frustration of constipation.
Agrimorfee - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You dood a great job!
Paul Robinson - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Agrimorfee!
John Jenkins - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done, Paul. But in the end, it's the dog owner, not the dog, that should be blamed.
Know 1 can hear you dream - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM): You pps don't realise what a sheltered childhood you really had. ;-)

I grew up on the countryside, my folks are farmers, we had cows... by age eight I would hardly even reflect upon stepping in what they dropp, just finish whatever I was doing and then hit the shower before dinner. The only situation that I remember as especially shocking gross is the time when my little sister was passing about 1-1,5 meters behind a cow (normally a safe distance) when the cow quickly lifted its tail and, with the force of a garden hose, out came a cows equivalent of diarrhea!!!

Now isn't that something we all would like to see happen to Paris Hilton?

Paul Robinson - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, John, back in 1958 I don't think anybody would have blamed anyone except the silly 8 year old who was playing on SOMEONE else's front lawn at the time. I'm not even sure I knew the people who owned the house - it wasn't gated or fenced or anything, but I don't recall it as being one of my friend's houses - think it was across the street from a friend's house. Know 1 - and that's why I write today rather than Farm...Ooooh, you know, I would even feel sorry for Paris H. if that happened. Of course, she might not know what it was, as least at first...'til the odor made itself obvious...Thanks!
Claude Prez - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Very good. I think it's my doody to add "Close to Poo" to Spaff's list, though. And I vehemently defend the right of aoid to add his stupid opinion to any comment section, as long as I have the right to make fun of him for it. I mentioned I liked the parody, right? Very well then.
Paul Robinson - October 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Claude Prez - Thanks! Oh, yeah..."Close To Poo"...excrementally excellent title. Agree with your remarks in full...
Melhi - October 17, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - You'd think after more than a year on the site I'd learn not to grab a snack while reading and rating parodies, but noooooo....
Paul Robinson - October 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Melhi - and THAT comment reminds me of the time in the 5th grade I got in trouble for telling this kid Vincent what I thought his chocolate Hostess Ding-Dongs looked like to me...the little rat-fink told my our Teacher, the attractive, statuesque red-haired Miss Weiss that I had this crush on....you know, though...I did have these very weird, mixed feelings when she lectured me sternly about that type of behavior...part of me...oh...well...you know....
martha - October 19, 2004 - Report this comment
this reminds me of an occasion in Paris (which as you know is liberally coated in this substance) seeing a very suavely dressed chap put his foot into a large pile and slip and fall .. he got it all over his very sharp suit.... ghastly .. it was a Sunday afternoon he was probably on his way to an assignation!
David - October 22, 2004 - Report this comment
poo is cool.
Paul Robinson - October 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Martha & David.
Johnny D - October 27, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Peregrin - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Refer my Sept 6 comment. And your reply: "Thanks, Per...Sh*t, you know something? This particular episode was SO long ago that I'll bet most of you weren't EVEN BORN yet when I took my "turd tumble". Around 1958..."

Almost Paul, almost....!
Meriadoc - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
I remember back in about 1970 being at a friend's house and ending up with her dog's doo (poodle-doo?) smeared all over my sock. I was horrified... Love the replacement of 'excretion' for 'creation'!
Paul Robinson - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
JD/Per/Mer - Thanks! You know it DOES seem that almost everybody here has at some time or another managed to land in or at least step in dog poo in a quantity or circumstance that was traumatic enough to become imbedded in there memory. However, I did notice that no one has taken credit for doing it TWICE...So it appears that human beings ARE capable of learning from unpleasant experiences.
2nz - October 31, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, so I'm not much good to ya rear... I mean 'here'.
Paul Robinson - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
2NZ - Thanks for looking in!
Poopie Longstocking - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Artistry with turds and words! 5,5,5 !
Mr. Potty Mouth - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, PP Longstiffing, do the words "get a life" mean anything to you?
Paul Robinson - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Poopie & Mr PMouth...
Site Slueth - March 20, 2007 - Report this comment
"Poopie Longstocking" and "a fresh-faced smiling young person with a clipboard" are the same person in disguise.
Larry G - March 07, 2011 - Report this comment
I Howled with laughter..good parody :))))

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