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Song Parodies -> "Amusement Park Rides"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Mark Scotti

Parody Song Title:

"Amusement Park Rides"

Parody Written by:

Mark Scotti

The Lyrics

This is a re-submit to clean up some pacing issues. Once again, "Welcome to the Hotel Calif.......Six Flags???"
Was not too long ago,
Young girl got dismembered on
A Six Flags wild Superman ride
On every ride we take a chance
That car we're on just might detach
And maybe, send us flying for a mile

Their safety standards make me shiver
Another casket got delivered
Bypassed on that last check
They never care to inspect
They will give you breaks on their fries
While they reassure you with their lies
Throw new paint on now it can hide

Cracks on that whirling ride

So...

(Chorus)
Why die on Amusement Park Rides
You're too heavy this may levy whether everyone dies
In all that noise we're screamin' save me and why
Wonderin' "Is this a new ride that can fly?,

Is this a new ride that can fly? "

Did you leave the park some blood,
I don't have faith in carny crud ,
Since their actions are so slow

Now our bodies are not meant to roll
Should take your fear and not your soul
And not to bang me a real chance death blow
Well that ride I went in on a whim
'Cause it looked like good fun when it spins
They said take off your shoes
I should have passed on that weird news

I was spinning wild and so unaware
That in the end I would look like Linda Blair
Need exorcism for that chair
On that wild, zipper ride,

I started screaming..

(Chorus)
Don't die on Amusement Park Rides
You're too heavy this may levy
Whether everyone dies
In all that noise we're screamin' save me and why
Wonderin' "Are we in a part of Saw 5?

Are we in a part of Saw 5?"

Now face the fear just exposed a bone
You got thrown splat on a nearby stone
When the belt broke and you sailed free
When the State Fair rang you just made the scene
You just hoped for fun and not lose a spleen
Little voice should have said you should flee
Oh and while the ride was whizzing round
Some bolts flew off and you went down
Park's lawyers had well earned
A case where you got burned

And while heavens had just filled with sparks
They claimed you went too near the arc
Got third degrees and left the park
On that, Inferno ride,

You were screaming...

(Chorus)
Why die on Amusement Park Rides
You're too heavy this may levy
Whether everyone dies
In all that noise we're screamin' save me and why
Wonderin' "The thrill is if we all survive,

The thrill is if we all survive"

Summer swelter made you seek some shelter
Log flume had turned into Helter Skelter
Very high drop and fallin' fast
No belts needed but alas
The seat broke off and stuck in your ass
Got a free return pass with your body cast

Now the dolphin show would start real soon
As the music blasts an aqua tune
At fish you want to glance, and it gave them that one chance
'Cause the sea lions were short a meal
Your waving hand just closed the deal
On the day where you fed the seals
Your hand, has waved goodbye,

And you were screaming..

(Chorus)
Why die on Amusement Park Rides
You're too heavy this may levy
Whether everyone dies
In all that noise we're screamin' save me and why
Wonderin' "Why I can only count to five?

Why I can only count to five?"

Too many people jammed in place
Your coaster ride is lost in space
Jumped off that track you face your end

So it's a gamble
Wheels will click,
Wheels smashed hard on a loosened brick
'Cause tires are what they never get checked

As some people fell from the cage
You watch them hit the high dive stage
Their bodies smashed to gel
You make your last farewell
And as the coaster teetered from your height
You looked down and for extra fright
You saw carnies betting on your plight
No way, the cars collide

You were screaming..

(Chorus)
Why die on Amusement Park Rides
You're too heavy this may levy
Whether everyone dies
In all that noise we're screamin' save me and why
Wonderin' "Why my ride had made a swan dive?

Why my ride had made a swan dive?"

You saw a ride that looked real new
And the guy said it was hardly used
It was too calm you turned away

They sell insurance in the store
You've never seen them do that before
And the fine line read you're riding your last day

Now every ride seems like a dream
More people died what does it all mean
Your hand has world end tokens
Your fate now has been spoken

So those three men you'd admired most will guide you as you're now a ghost
You're on a peace train and it floats
The way, you love to, ride

And you're now singing...

(Chorus *)
*I fly on Amusement Park Rides
You're soul's heavy as a chevy
Final peace you rely
And that's your choice no grievin' and you know why
Reflectin' "How my life has been a wild ride

How my life has been a wild ride"....

(Repeat *)

Copyright 2009

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   10
 10
 10
 

User Comments

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Chance Gollnick - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
good job and good topic, really funny.
alvin - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
if only amusement park rides could be this long and funny...great stuff...my fave of the day
Mark Scotti - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Carnival of thanks to you, Chance & Alvin!!
malcolm higgins - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
a roller coaster of dreams for sure, but it peaked at the five vote .. great take on it!!
AFW - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Very good on Friday, and even better with pacing changesQ
Leo Keough - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Going for the Big 7?...If so, good start...555!!!
Mark Scotti - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Thrills and thanks to you, Malcolm, AFW & Leo!!!
Gari J - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Nice ride here and amusing to 5's
Timmy1000 - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Didn't go back to see the changes - but this one was all 5's. I think I said this the other day too; but it was kind of like getting that second big hill on the coaster - fun on both.
Mark Scotti - June 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Scary thanks to you, Gari & Tim!!
Don McLean - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I thought "I" wrote TOS? ... this must be the theme song from that movie.
Andria - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I noticed the error in the name of the OS' performer like "Don McLean" did. I'm afraid you'll have to ask Chucky G to delete the parody so you can submit it under the correct performer name, but I'll still give you 5s.
Tommy Turtle part 1 - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
OMG, does that mean that I have to post *all* of this *again* at the re-re-submission? lol

Mark, it's 99.9% there, and so funny and creative that you have your well-earned 555 from me. It would have been 555+++, but TT is an OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) perfectionist. My doctor says that it can be treated with medication, but actually, I *like* being perfect. (KIDDING! KIDDING! KIDDING!) ... well, anyway, I'd like this near-masterpiece to be perfect, so here goes:

This didn't get fixed from v1.0:
"You just hoped for fun and not lose a spleen 10
In a coat he borrowed from james dean 9 "

In another area, one improvement, one step back. Original:

(So this long ride's a gamble
Wheels will click,) ... "Wheels smashed on a loosened brick".

Original comment:
..wheels smashed on a loosened brick 7
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick 8
(Leaving out any issues of parody lines breaking in different places from OS several times) "

The "candlestick/loosened brick" clause didn't pace; not all that worried about line breaks not matching. But in the revision, the line breaks match TOS, and "candlestick/brick" is right on, but a new pacing glitch snuck in (what the software people call a "regression" -- fix one problem, but break something that was OK before):

v2.0:
"So it's a gamble
Wheels will click,
Wheels smashed hard on a loosened brick"

Fixed the "candlestick" pacing nicely! But TOS first line there is:

"So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!" .. vs.
"So it's a gamble -- Wheels will click,"

TOS "come on" was left out of v2.0, while it was correct in v1.0. Combine *both* solutions and you nail it:

"So this long ride's a gamble; wheels will click,
Wheels smashed hard on a loosened brick"

"So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick"
.......... perfect match in both pacing and stress.
Tommy Turtle part 2 - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Here's a stress issue that was a bit too awkward to let slip by, but could have been handled by one of your obvious ingenuity:

Why I can only count to five?

Let's sing this to TOS, and print it per the Pacing Guide, capitalizing the accented syllables:

THIS' ll BE ...the DAY that ...i ..DIE
WHY i .CAN on..LY ...count to FIVE?

Are you with me? "on-LY" is not natural. If you *must* change stress, because the line is too funny to change, at least tip off the reader with a hyphen: "Why I can on-ly count to five? " .. so they don't trip over it. I've done that, but as little as possible. Here, however, you have an easy fix, if you remember the TT Principle Of Word Order: "Screw It!" (http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/shirleybassey3.shtml)

Ready? (drum roll)
"Why can I count only to five?" (which has the added plus -- for moi, anyway -- of being more grammatically correct).

THIS' ll ...BE ...the ... DAY that ...i ..DIE
WHY can I ......count ON.....ly .... to FIVE?

Nails TOS in stress and pacing, and also "stresses" (ouch!) *your* point: "I used to be able to count to 21 (hands, feet, ... ) but now, I'm so dazed that I can't count any higher than five." So hammering ON-ly is a win-win-win.

Without going into the same detail, same issue and fix:

where i'd HEARD the ...MU .... sic YEARS beFORE
you've ne-VER ..... seen THEM do THAT ... beFORE
nev .... er ..HAVE ...seen THEM do THAT .... beFORE

And this was unchanged from v1.0:
So those three men you'd admired most will guide you as you're now a ghost
And the three men I admired most ...... the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost

Not worried about where the line break is (imho, v1.0 was correct on this point), but the second clause is still a syllable short. I granted in the original comment that McLean may have elided "and the", but if you remove the contraction (again), it nails both meter and accent:

will GUIDE you AS .. ,you are NOW a GHOST
the FATH - er, ..SON, and the HOL -y GHOST

Yea? Nay?

"(Repeat *)"

Cheater! :-) You're a creative artist, Mark! Give us a different final chorus ... especially since, as you know, TOS's final chorus is one line shorter than the penultimate chorus. (There's no repeat on "This'll be the day that I die".)

And *finally* (Mark heaves huge sigh of relief: "Is this SOB *ever* going to be finished?"), something TT didn't bother to bring up in v1.0 (there was enough already, methinks): What meaning are you using of "levy" in the chorus, "You're too heavy this may levy whether everyone dies"? As a verb, "levy" is:

v. tr.
1. To impose or collect (a tax, for example).
2. To draft into military service.
3. To declare and wage (a war).

v. intr.
To confiscate property, especially in accordance with a legal judgment.

It sounds like "levy" is being used to mean "decide". I can't get that from the dictionary definitions, but I could certainly be mistaken -- I mean, the dictionary could certainly be mistaken :) :) :) (making fun of pompous self here, if that's not clear.)

Anyway, big improvement, song is funny as hell, you'll be sued for claiming TOS as your own, and "When you shoot at the King, you had better kill him". (old saying -- just that for the "Big 7", as Leo Keough mentioned, you want to NAIL the suckers). 150 attempts at TOS -- so far -- and this is well up there in the quality rankings, as is. (Naah, haven't bothered to microscope most of 'em. Consider it a compliment! -- seriously.) Had it been nailed, would have been among the elite. Excellent first stab.

btw, TT too lazy to do a second stab :)
Mark Scotti - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks Andria, To Turtle, thanks as well. As it so happens my bunder in submitting the second copy too fast put my name in place of Don's. I took note of your added suggestions, Tom, and will make a second attempt to improve and submit it with the right performer's name(So I don't get any more hate mail from Don...he he..)
Mark Scotti - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Tom, with the 'levy' comment, it is a verb, meaning 'to impose" as in "levy a tax", so I think I can take liberties with the meaning that if you're too heavy, you may impose whether everyone dies....
TT - June 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark, first let me say that I'll bug outta here anytime you say so. There are very few writers and songs that I've bothered to parse so thoroughly -- could count them on one hand -- if that means anything to you.

I think what tripped the grammalarm was using "levy" with "whether". "Impose a tax as to whether we die or not". I'm a firm believer in poetic license -- I renew mine regularly -- but IMHO, it's not a stretch, it's just not there. YMMV. Naturally, TT has an easy fix:

"You're too heavy; this may levy us the cost of our lives" or
"You're too heavy; your weight levies war upon our poor lives" or
"You're too heavy; your weight levies on us: all of our lives".

Each of those manages to work in one of the dictionary definitions I posted above, including the definition you used. Of course, many others are possible.

This isn't a song to be rushed. Sure, I've knocked out parodies in eight minutes -- light, quick, short ones -- but my AP sorta gelled over five months. Didn't sit down and "write" it; once the concept and title switch occurred, just randomly let lines come to me while shopping, eating, sleeping, making love (to a sheep, of course), etc. *Finally* had it all covered, then the serious editing began. OTOH, when Stu McArthur (WTF has he been, anyway?) challenged TT on "Blinded By The Light", sat down in one swell foop (one fell swoop) and ground it out, which was a fun challenge, since DKTOS.

OK, said enough for one parody (or twenty). Feel free to ignore me -- everyone else does :-) Or, as they said in "The Wizard of Oz",
"Pay no attention to the man behind the plastron".
Cheers -- TT.
Mark Scotti - June 10, 2009 - Report this comment
To Tom. Great idea with the, You're too heavy; this may levy us the cost of our lives, I like it!!!
adagio to TT - June 10, 2009 - Report this comment
(Mine) "isn't a song to be rushed. Sure, I've knocked out parodies in eight minutes -- light, quick, short ones -- but my AP sorta gelled over five months. Didn't sit down and "write" it; once the concept and title switch occurred, just randomly let lines come to me while shopping, eating, sleeping, etc. *Finally* had it all covered, then the serious editing began." This answered my question, Tommy....I'm just having difficulties in writing a parody. In other words, follow my own instincts, which I have before. Thanks ; )
TT to adagio - June 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Not sure what the question was, but if it was "Do I sit down and force out a parody, or do I let it come to me?" -- yes, your instincts are good. Trust them.

That was one of the things I did *not* like about writing parody for radio: Headline comes out, ya gotta *race* to get it in *that day*, while the story's still hot and before anyone else does, so there's a large sacrifice in quality and creativity. But their standards are much lower, going for a mass audience vs. the gourmet elite here :) ... Sometimes the words *do* flow to me very quickly, sometimes they take a few days or more .... go at your own pace, always. Cheers!
TT to Mark - June 14, 2009 - Report this comment
I expect you're probably sick of this song by now :) ... and sick of TT too.:), but if ya ever take a stab at another re-write (not sayin' that ya should), please feel free to use that line, no credit necessary. It's the least I can do, to contribute something to make up for all the ragging and for your being a good sport about it. Cheers also!
Mark Scotti - June 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Tom! I probably will repost in another week. Did you see my latest Clinton/Lewinski: http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/eltonjohn340.shtml
DJ Blaze - June 14, 2009 - Report this comment
I remember when a ride over by an arcade I go to every summer killed a woman and was closed down. Awesome parody, Mark. 555
Mark Scotti - June 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, DJ!!

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