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Song Parodies -> "I'm Not Your (Facebook) Friend"

Original Song Title:

"You've Got A Friend"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

James Taylor

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Not Your (Facebook) Friend"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

I recently joined Facebook...and shortly thereafter received the unpleasant shock of my life. My former boss wants to add me to his Friends List. He is a man who led me a dog's life, trashing me for 16 years. Moreover, he continues to do this stuff to me even though he's been retired for eight years. Imagine the nerve! Or perhaps it's because that, even though we loathe each other beyond all comprehension, I still hold a much higher opinion of him(!) than most people.
When I joined on Facebook
And I saw your message there
Requesting that I add you as a friend
I did not know what to say
We hate each other's guts
My Friend List? You can kiss my rear end!

You're my life's mortal foe
If I see you we'll come to blows
The sh*t you've caused here in my world
Just knows no end
Tried to get my butt fired
Kept it up when you retired
You a b*stard - yes you are
You're not my friend!

You blamed me for all things
Turned my colleagues against me
Poisined my friendships with all your bad blood
Slandered me at each chance
Humiliated me
But now you want me for your Facebook bud?

You tried to wreck my life
You abused and threatened my wife
Stole my credit again and again
Now you think it's in the past
And you'll be my chum at last
You're a b*stard - yes you are

There's no way in hell that you're a friend
I'm not just being cold
You've slammed me and you've damned me
So I sure won't add you

Be friends in cyberspace?
I wish I could spit in your face!
Screw your invite - no use to pretend
You think that it's now all swell
Take your Facebook Wall to hell!
You're a b*stard - yes you are
I'm not your friend!
Up your rear end!
There's no way I'll ever be your friend!













I welcome his response...and all of yours as well ;D

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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metaphorsbwithu - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
What a Two-Face! On the other hand, what an act of desperation! I wish I wasn't so polite in real life. :-D
Nick Zeman - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
It seems as though people who went to like High School together never really talked much to each other are becoming Facebook friends which kind of surprises me. I can see where you are coming from because if someone who had given me hell all of my life and all of a sudden wanted to be my friend that begs the question. I guess in the case I mentioned people change with time. Although I would ask your boss in a Facebook reply why do you want to be my friend after making my life a living hell? A 5-5-5 for this parody.
Guy - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
My reply? I'd say hey buddy you know there are only two things I don't like about you and that would be your FACE, I bookin' ya fives buddy just for sharing this with us.
Mark Scotti - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Great boss bash, OMR!
Timmy1000 - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Why does everyone seem to have or have had a boss like that. Is there a school that teaches them that? Way to vent, Ribber. Mark - you should pair this one with your "My Boss is a Hemmorhoid" parody. It would be a great duo.
Fiddlegirl - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
I think I'd object too, as a matter of "principal"... ;)
AFW - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
I had a boss like this, once...so I know what you mean...unique parody
DJ Blaze - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow, that's insane that your boss did that! Sadly, I have no clue how you feel since I am a teenager, and thus I am unemployed. But still, 555, and I hope he sees this!
Guy - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Ribber - What DJ said - Email this link via Facebook to that prick. I've only had one boss since I retired from the USAF that tried to micro-manage me. He was younger than me and I basically got hired to replace another ex-USAF guy who goofed off all the time. I guess he thought that I would be doing the same thing. Basically I was hired to work the helpdesk with the other techs. After 12 days on the job they moved me into a field tech position and moved this guy back to the helpdesk working all three shifts.. I was totally not used to being micro-managed by anyone. Then about four days went by when my boss's hair was on fire and he didn't have time for anything but the crisis he was trying to manage. When the smoke cleared he was amazed to see just how many trouble tickets I resolved and closed. He said to me that he gets a lot more work from me when he leaves me alone. After that he never tried to micro-manage me again. We got along just fine after that.

The closest boss I had to what you are describing was the E9 who was our superintendent where I worked in Japan. The E9 rank in the USAF is called Chief Master Sargent. So they were always referred to as "Chief" or the E9. If the CMSGT was called "Chief" it meant he was fair and decent - this guy was an E9 NOT a Chief.

I was a lowly E4 at the time and I was working straight mid shift. This guy would wait until I was asleep for maybe 2 or 3 hours and call my house to gripe about something that happened overnight. This would happen a lot on a Monday morning after working a mid shift the night before. That Sunday night mid shift was responsible for stripping, cleaning, waxing and buffing the floors in the administrative offices. This E9 was never happy with his floor - he said it didn't shine enough and he'd call and wake me up about it. Then I got an idea. I got some car wax and shined his floor so shiny that he could shave in the brilliance of it. One small problem, however - it was slicker than an eel. The E9 walked into his office on that Monday morning and fell flat on his ass. He never messed with me about his floor ever again - he did tell me to cool my jets with the car wax. Paybacks are a bidge. =;-)
Turtle Hiding In Shell - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Your intro says it all about why Facebook was a stupid idea, not to mention posting your personal details to the whole world *forever*. Can't for the life of me imagine how anyone thinks it's some sort of a life. 555, but don't expect to see me on your FB list :)
Gari J - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment
You should send this to him and let him truly what you think of him. He might already know this deep down or he's naive enough to think your best friends, this will shock him. Gooud use of the OS by the way
TJC - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Fan'tastically funny! Great concept and lexecution throughout... now can I be your friend?

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