-> "The Not-So-Majestic King Harold"
Original Song Title:
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
Parody Song Title:
"The Not-So-Majestic King Harold"
The legend lives on from ancient Romans on down
Of how England cannot be invaded
Her perversity and harsh geography
Leave most enemies intimidated.
Though Roman forces, with strong ships and fast horses,
Did it in the first century, BC.
Later assaulters sadly watched campaigns falter,
Losing battles on both land and high sea.
Then 1042 gave England a monarch who
Vowed to keep earthly joys out of his life.
Edward the Confessor had no direct successor
Because he abstained - even with his wife.
Was Queen Edith pleased when he ignored her strip tease?
Probably not, but somehow he kept her.
But subsequent kings shunned the celibacy thing
And enjoyed using their royal scepters.
When King Edward died, three claimed to be qualified
To sit on his throne and rule England.
But what happened next left the mourners perplexed
As two war strategies had to be planned.
In 1066, Harold of Wessex was picked,
Not the French duke, nor the king of Norway,
But King Harold knew, as his rivals did too
That they might soon appear at his doorway.
But Dover's high cliffs gave him the advantage if
Armies tried to invade England's south coast.
So when Duke William's eyes turned to England's grand prize,
All the world assumed he would be French toast.
But Norway's attack took King Harold aback,
And left his troops huffin' and puffin.'
When the battles were through, would the loser's menu
Feature French toast or an English muffin?
When Normans appeared, Harold began to fear
That his reputation was imperiled.
Would it be his fate to be known as 'Hal the great'
Or 'The Not-So-Majestic King Harold'?
So when Destiny called, though his staff was appalled,
Harold made no attempt to refuse her.
But he should have said 'No,' and picked a lesser foe,
Maybe one who was named, 'Bill the Loser.'
Historians say that at Hastings that day
Saxon bulwarks were bravely defended.
But it's sadly true that when the fighting was through,
Harold's reign and his life were both ended.
England still honors kings who have sat upon her
Throne and ruled with success and distinction.
But, while William found fame and a hero's nickname,
Harold's legacy entered extinction.
King Arthur, we hear, still gets roundly revered,
And Richard the First gets lionizing.
But when people look at England's history books,
Harold's exploits just get minimizing.
It's legendary that the French military
Lacks courage to fight – that's today's dictum.
But in one war, France had soldiers not wet their pants,
And King Harold was the tragic victim.
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