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Song Parodies -> "Jerry Sandusky (The Pervert of Penn State)"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Jerry Sandusky (The Pervert of Penn State)"

Parody Written by:

R Anthony Botti

The Lyrics

Parody Lyrics written 10-13 November 2011 WARNING!!! Rated NC-17!!!
The indictment came down from a grand jury in town
He had done what men ought not be doin'
It was “for troubled youth,” he would say but, in truth
'Twas a place he could find boys for screwin'
His coaching career lasted 33 years
But he wanted some man-on-boy action
He thought with a smile “I'll call it The Second Mile”
“And a camp will provide the attraction”

He did coordinate the Defense for Penn State
With an emphasis on the linebackers
But they couldn't tell the testosterone smell
Would turn him into a fudgepacker
An old man whose joy comes from bangin' young boys
Won't be satisfied with masturbation
A dirty old man, he cooked up a plan
To accomplish a kid's violation

Entering his bedroom, they would meet with their doom
They had few clues with what they were dealing
That sound in the night as he took his delight
'Twas the sound of a little boy squealin'
And then at sunrise, that look in his eyes
They could see that he wanted more nookie
When he finished he said “tell a soul and you're dead”
“Keep quiet and you'll get a cookie”

When the next young boy came, Jerry didn't feel shame
He said “just lay down there on your belly”
Then he stepped out again and then came right back in
With the Vaseline and K-Y Jelly
Old Jerry moaned “Ooo, get a load of you”
He was naked and feeling quite lusty
Those boys sure got scared when from out of nowhere
came the penis of Jerry Sandusky

Does anyone know why those young boys would go
When old Jerry cooed “let's hit the showers?”
The gifts that he'd bring or the love songs he'd sing
Or perhaps just the candy and flowers?
They might have escaped being savagely raped
Had they brought with them guns for protection
A bullet would say in no uncertain way
“Dude, I want no part of your erection!!”

The trouble began with a glitch in his plan
He would soon be on his way to prison
They knew something was wrong, he's been in there too long
And why is a kid in there with him?
When the papers found out, there was no room for doubt
It was clear that a scandal was brewin'
A twisted old perv, getting what he deserves
His whole life will lay in ruins

While they deliberate, he sits there and waits
In a courtroom that smells old and musty
After using young boys as living sex toys
There'll be bad news for Jerry Sandusky
You'll wear a big frown when the verdict comes down
To survive you will need to be clever
Your new cellmates all itch to make you their bitch
When you get sent to prison forever

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Graphic...disgusting...but, evidently, how it was...and the violent ending, you describe for this lowlife, seems too light a sentence
Patrick - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
We don't allow young boys the means to protect themselves from perverts of this ilk. There was a time when a ten year old could carry a pistol or switchblade, and I assume that buggery by old men was not particularly widespread in those days. A grim parody, a grim subject, based on a tragic original song. But you make a good point about what might have happened if the kid had been armed.
R Anthony Botti - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
When voting, I hope you'll include a comment elaborating on what guided your voting. This will aid me in future song-parody endeavours. Thank-yous to AFW and "Patrick," both of whom had already commented prior to my posting this request.
AFW - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
I voted and made a short comment before...but I know what you mean, and I feel the same, about more constructive type comments, and not just commenting on the subject or theme, as many of us, often have a habit of doing...I will say that your style, rhyming and pacing in this, is excellent..very consistent story-wise, and good rhyming and reads smoothly...very little to find fault with...not funny, of course...but that doesn't apply to this type of theme, anyway...if this was judged on a scale of from 1 to 10, as they, aggravatingly, keep asking me in hospitals, I'd definitely give it a 9...and I don't recall seeing your byline...have you submitted here before?
R Anthony Botti - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Hey there, AFW, no - I've never submitted here before. I usually just post my lyrics as a Note on FB
R Anthony Botti - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Anyone know the procedure for submitting a parody of a song that isn't yet listed here at AmIRight?
Michael Pacholek - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
As the semi-official arbiter of "Wreck" parodies here, I have to say I'm surprised you got it past the censor, but impressed at the way you put it together. If the prosecution does as well as you did, Sandusky won't be leaving prison except in a coffin.
AFW - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Any parody to any legitimate song, whether it's been parodied before, or not..would be submitted in the same manner as you submitted this entry...
R Anthony Botti - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
AFW: Does a TV programme's signature tune (like, say, from "Star Blazers") count as a legitimate song? It clocks at only 1m15s.
Hu's On First - November 14, 2011 - Report this comment
I don't think short length is a factor; I submitted a parody of Weird Al's ditty "Harvey the Wonder Hamster" (http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/weirdalyankovic98.shtml), which is even shorter than one minute. Harvey the Wonder Hamster was one of two theme songs to the short lived "Weird Al show" in the 90s, so if a parody of that song is acceptable then a parody of the Star Blazers theme also is. I also recently saw a Herman Cain-themed parody of the "Batman" theme song (written by another author) featured on this site as well.
Patrick - November 15, 2011 - Report this comment
If this is your first posting, I certainly look forward to what comes next. I do not vote numerically. But I like to comment on the political, moral or newsworthiness of a particular parody. As others have said, the pacing and fit to the original melody are flawless. There are allegedly rules regarding so-called "adult" content, but I have not seen any consistency in enforcing them. There is nothing especially "raunchy" about your lyrics. You have dealt factually with an unsavory story, just as the news media must do. Someone said that a parody must be at least 10 lines long. I'm not sure if that is totally true. I have seen (and written) parodies of poems and a well-known speech. I had two songs rejected for length, but they were novelty items 5 or 10 seconds long. One parody was rejected, I think, for use of a 1940's ethnic slur, that, when resubmitted, was allowed. Another posting, in an obscure language, was resubmitted, and accepted, when I included a literal English translation. If this version of "Edmund Fitzgerald" is representative of your capabilities, welcome to AIR!
R Anthony Botti - November 15, 2011 - Report this comment
Patrick: I've offered up "Rime of the Exhausted Star-Blazer" and "I'm Scared of Nellie's Hair" today; they should both be up sometime tomorrow :)
R Anthony Botti - November 16, 2011 - Report this comment
http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/hiroshimiyagawaandyuaku0.shtml "RIME OF THE EXHAUSTED STAR-BLAZER"
R Anthony Botti - November 16, 2011 - Report this comment
http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/dannywilson1.shtml "I'M SCARED OF NELLIE'S HAIR"

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