I went downtown to my local car dealer,
to buy to buy a brand new driven machine.
I tought I'd buy a T-Bird or a 57 Chevy or some other cool car that would scream.
The salesman said you have flab on your back,
you're forty years old, in a word buddy you'r fat.
You should a bought a cool car when you were young.
He said fat guys like you,
buddy you're buying a Van!

But I want to drive through the night
with the car top down and the night wind blowen through my hair.
But the salesman held a mirror up with a cruel reminder
that I no longer had none up there.
He sold me on features like a nice, smooth ride
57 cup holders, 29 dome lights in side,
and lumbar support, buddy you're buying a van.
Yeah you're buying a Van.

(these next three versus are sung to the shifted melody of the song.)
He said, I know you think,
you'll pick up women, If you buy a brand new shinney sports car.
But the only women that look at you now
are soccar moms cause you're built like a jar.

Then he walked me up,
to a mini-van, he opened the door and put me right in the seat.
It had a CD player, an 8 track casette,
we popped in Springsteen in sounded quite sweet.

He pulled out his pen,
a GMC contract, and had me sign on the dotted line
and with the radio blasten I drove that Van down the highway
and I knew I finally lost my mind
(big instramental finish here...Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm....Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm....drum rolling

The highways strung with broken zeros on a last chance power ride,
Yeah, we still play Springsteen on our 8 track cassesttes
So we know that we're still half alive.
Some day losers, I don't know when,
we'll drive those 57 T-Birds and feel like we're 20 again.
Till then, fat guys like us, buddies we're driven those vans.

Boo hoo hoo hoo. ooh ooh. Boo hoo hoo hoo I don't want no Van.