[instrumental intro]

I'm on my knees, I'm ailing
from some stuff I ate today
I've thrown up and I've sh*t
for most of this whole damned day
It must have been some mayonnaise gone wrong
it was prob'ly spoiled
So I've been on the can all day
Man, is my ass sore

I'm moaning and I'm groaning
It's no fun at all
'Cause I've been sh*tting and barfing
in this toilet stall

More chunks I keep blowing
and I've got diarrhea

I've spent most of the day here barfing on my knees

I crap all night
it's been one non-stop sh*t
Butt's ablaze; my rear end
feels like it has been whipped

I sit and cry
this is a real bum trip
Damn, Oy vey; I must hurl
I'm getting tired of this

[instrumental break]

Still I do heave, it's draining
I've been puking the whole day
Now I've got to sh*t
I tell you, it's not "OK"
I'm stuck here with the 'runs''; they're still not gone
Boy, my ass is sore
I'm gonna need "Preparation H"
Better get some more

My assh*ole's fried
to wipe hurts quite a bit
I fee drained; my throat's strained
from all the times I've "flipped"

Bad mayonnaise
has made me puke and sh*t
Once again now I hurl
I'm getting mighty pissed

Maybe next time
the mayonnaise; I'll skip
Keep it plain; meat on breat
so I won't get the "sh*t's"

[instrumentals out to end Fade]