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Song Parodies -> "(I Can't Find A) Skilled Assassin"

Original Song Title:

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"

Original Performer:

The Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"(I Can't Find A) Skilled Assassin"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Mob boss tries to find a trained killer to do his dirty deeds...
I can't find a... skilled assassin
I can't find a... skilled assassin
When they strike with a spike, They're like tykes on a trike...
I can't find a... I can't find a...

"Plant a bomb inside that car
So the blast will send him to limbo"
Your explosion makes me snore
Nothing but a small inflammation
My zippo's fire leaves more devastation
Said: "That's too gross", No, no, no, no
Lame, lame, lame, What wimpy flame

Where are all the... trained assassins?!
Where are all the... trained assassins?!
Why can't mine break a spine? Since their minds are like slime
Where are all my, Where are all my...

"You can drown him out at sea"
Glimpsed photos from your beach party
"Use these mad killer bees
Must I hold your damn hand to go off this bloke?!
You're so incompetent it seems!"
Now you've been stung, No, no, no, no
Pain, pain, pain, Dude use your brain!

Wasted my dough... on ASS-ASS-ins!
With less gusto... Than Gersh Kuntzman*!
Though they try guys won't die, Are they high? Makes me sigh
Wasted my dough, wasted my dough

Might look tough when these thugs snarl
So I'm planning hits but they all fall flat
The sight of blood makes them hurl
I'll hand them a meat cleaver to hack but hear them squeak
Then they use that thing to chop up beef
Your burgers blow, Groan, groan, groan, groan
Faint, faint, faint, Won't get blood stained

Choke with this rope! Nope, You're a dope!
Want things done right? Do them yourself
My own assassin, No skilled assassins, All dumb assassins!

*Topical reference: The New York journalist who said that: "Firing an AR-15 is horrifying, menacing and very very loud" (Many memes have been done about him)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Jeff Reuben - June 29, 2016 - Report this comment
Look up Arya Stark :)
Rob Arndt - June 29, 2016 - Report this comment
The NY journalist who was afraid of a crummy AR-15 obviously has never fired an AK full auto! 555 for the parody.
Mikhail Kakashnikov - June 29, 2016 - Report this comment
Is beink no doubt. Kick of AK-47 is breaking back of puny twerp reporter who is cowerink like old babushka from noise of AR-15. Also, pull of AK to right when is shootink auto is twistink him like pretzel. He would be killink everyone around him by accident
Jonathan - June 29, 2016 - Report this comment
well hey can you really blame some of these guys for being so hesitant? being an assassin can be murder! 5's
Peter Andersson - July 02, 2016 - Report this comment
It's so hard to find good help these days - have you asked ISIS?

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