Oh, I get hives, every spring
From the pollen that it brings
My nose is blocked with runny, snotty things
This disease, I despise
Wipe my crusted itchy eyes
The nasal spray is cold, and it stings

Teared up wheezy sneeze
Oh, that late spring breeze
Gives me extreme hay fever
I've tried home remedies

Ryegrass, timothy
Mugwort, sorrel, and ragweed
Now you know how crappy life can be
Oh, and life really sucks bollocks
Around the vernal equinox
But how much do I really need to breathe

Teared up wheezy sneeze
Someone kill me please
I've got extreme hay fever
And some nasty allergies

Teared up wheezy sneeze
I hate this disease
I've got extreme hay fever
From this pollinated breeze

[instrumental interlude]

Teared up wheezy sneeze
F***ing allergies
I've got extreme hay fever
And there are no remedies

[repeat, fade, and die coughing]