A long time ago Bob turned fourteen
There were changes to his body which he'd never seen
He felt intense glee as into a man he turned
But what Bob wanted most of all was a big stiff horn
He got a masculine voice and facial hair
A bigger Adam's apple and some pubes down there
Some zits, hairy bits and hormones, and since he was born
All Bob wanted was a big stiff horn

Now Bob felt the changes but he didn't feel pain
He said I don't care because in the end I'll gain
He thought with women he would know what to do
With good looks and a big manhood too
He ended up with a masculine voice and facial hair
A bigger Adam's apple and some pubes down there
Some zits, hairy bits and hormones, and since he was born
All Bob wanted was a big stiff horn

Through his teenage years all Bob wanted to know
He just wanted to know when his member would grow
He was getting hairy and this was true
And he got a face full of spots too
He got a masculine voice and facial hair
A bigger Adam's apple and some pubes down there
Some zits, hairy bits and hormones, and he was getting so forlorn
All Bob wanted was a big stiff horn

Alone in his bedroom Bob was playing
He'd been reading those men's magazines again
Rubbing so frantic and dreaming of a new dawn
When he'd wake up and have a big stiff horn
He got a masculine voice and facial hair
A bigger Adam's apple and some pubes down there
Bob felt like crying cos he'd turn nineteen
And a big stiff horn could not be seen

Girls came and went and the years passed Bob by
Bob would look down to his crotch and he would cry
And all the women they sort of dressed and walked away
And you know Bob has never grown up to this day
He got a masculine voice and facial hair
A bigger Adam's apple and some pubes down there
Some zits, hairy bits and hormones, and since he was born
Bob is never going to have a big stiff horn