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Song Parodies -> "Phelps"

Original Song Title:

"Help"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Phelps"

Parody Written by:

Ingeborg S. Nordén

The Lyrics

After reading an online expose of Fred Phelps' life and ministry (see the link above), I felt inspired to put these lyrics in the mouth of one of his detractors. (Not being Christian, I wouldn't use some of the same arguments as this speaker--though I would agree with him that Phelps is one sick fellow.)
Phelps! You love nobody
Phelps! "God hates everybody"--
Phelps! From what I read, you need help.

When you were unknown, not a big shot like today,
It's clear you needed people's help in ev'ry way.
Your troubled past is gone, now you're much too self-assured:
"Heaven's mine, the world is blind, they won't get through the doors."

Phelps, you're just a man--don't put me down,
No, I don't appreciate you being 'round.
Phelps, you're just a man--don't put me down,
Get help, please--therapy!

Your church seems so deranged in oh, so many ways:
There, God's compassion seems to vanish in the haze.
You were abused back then, got you feeling insecure.
God knows he wants to free you like he's never done before.

Phelps, please understand--word gets around
that the hatred you are preaching isn't sound--
no, the hatred that you're preaching isn't sound.
Get help, please--therapy!

When you are older, so much older than today,
You may regret refusing people's help in ev'ry way.
Abuse is worse than AIDS, now you need your hatred cured:
"All my kin are free from sin--you'll knock on Satan's doors!"

Phelps, you're just a man--don't put me down.
No, the hatred that you're preaching isn't sound.
Phelps, please get your senses on the ground!
Get help please--therapy...Phelps, please...get therapy, oh...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   12
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User Comments

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Diddims - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah! You go girlfriend! Why do people listen to Fred Phelps? All that his is is a hatemonger! ... If he was truly religious, then he would see that what goes around comes around. We are not here to hate each other and to worship anybody... we're here to love each other, whoever they are.
Troy - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Great stuff, all 5s. I loathe bigot Christians like Fred Phelps and Jerry Falwell, they suck plumbers crack!!!!! I'm against prejudice, racism, bigotry and homophobia and these two wankers make me sick as they are all the above. People like that give Christianity a bad name, I was once a Christian but all the prejudice against other religions and "you go to hell if you do this, you go to hell if you do that" shit I had to put up with at Sunday school has turned me off Christianity. I don't like religion full stop because it devides people especially when a bloke of one religion wants to go out with a chick of another religion and their parents forbid them because of religious differences, that makes me sick!!!!! Anyways great parody.
LucidLupin LeeBee - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent - 555 ;)
Susanna Viljanen - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Q: What is the thing Fred Phelps fears most?

A: That Jesus actually comes back... and this time she's a black dyke!

Triple Nickel!
Susanna Viljanen - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Q: What is the thing Fred Phelps fears most?

A: That Jesus actually comes back... and this time she's a black dyke!

Triple Nickel!
Susanna Viljanen - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Troy, even Jerry Falwell called Fred Phelps "a loonie who has nothing to do with Christianity". We have a proverb in Finnish which translates "to read the Bible like Devil" (meaning that you pick odds and ends here, off the context, and there and twist them to suit your own agenda), and that's exactly what Fred Phelps does. He represents Calvinism on its most sick and perverted form. Since Calvinism was rebuked in Finland (and Sweden) already in the Council of Västerås 1583 due to its "unbiblical and cruel agenda", I found Phelps extremely repulsive.

Fred Phelps hates Lutherans pathologically, btw. One Swedish girl managed to vamp his eldest son and made him to quit the family cult.
Kristof Robertson - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
On the money in every way...555
Michael Pacholek - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Ingeborg: I'm glad you socked it to Phelps, though the first thing I thought of when I saw the title was Jim Phelps (Peter Graves), the commander of the "Mission: Impossible" team. (I could've written, "This comment will self-destruct in FIVE seconds.") Susanna: Shakespeare has a line that backs up yours: "The Devil can cite Scripture for his own purpose." Of course, to some people, Shakespeare IS scripture -- not that I'm naming names, or referring to anyone on this site. (You're off the hook, elf princess.)
Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Swedish, Norwegian and Danish all have the same "like the devil reads the Bible" expression for deliberately taking something out of context and twisting the meaning. Of course, with most Finns learning Swedish too I'm sure Susanna knew that... ;-) Thanks for the comments and votes, guys!
Arwen - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
It's like you read my mind, Mr. Pacholek!!

Oh...and if I can intrude on this comment thread for just a second...Michael, why don't you have an account on the message boards? I really think you should get one. And if you have one...I really think you should use it. And if you do use it...I really think you should use it on threads that I visit...
Paul Robinson - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Ingeborg - Wonderful work here. Fred Phelps is surely one of the World's biggest jerks - 5's.
Know 1 can hear you dream - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, my first thought was Michael Phelps, the swimmer.

Ingebord, did you know that back in the 80s there was religious protests in Sweden against Ozzy Osbourne, not in general as always but against the album "Speak of the devil" because some leading "cult" priest (who didn't know English but thought he did) told his followers that the title meant something like "Speeches from the Devil" and that the album therefore was - litterally - the anti-bible. Of course explaining to him that's the equivalent of our saying "när man talar om trollen... så står de i farstun" ("When you speak of the trolls... they are standing in the hallway") didn't convince him of anything else than that those who tried to tell him was the servants of Satan too. We have our share of wackos too, God must love'em... :-)
AmericaHatesPhelps - October 05, 2006 - Report this comment
www.AmericaHatesPhelps.com

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