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Song Parodies -> "Tortoise Or Hare (Tactical)"

Original Song Title:

"Scarborough Fair (Canticle)"

Original Performer:

Simon & Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"Tortoise Or Hare (Tactical)"

Parody Written by:

Grimm Reaper

The Lyrics

Are you betting on tortoise or hare?
Sparsely staged, old prairie inclined.
Defender's speed seems grossly unfair.
Speed soon leaves the tortoise behind.

Tortoise rues tasting the hare's thick dirt.
(Wanly sighs with a chill, as the fleet hare does scream.)
Partly caged, so squarely behind.
(Pacing is spare, slow on untested ground.)
Without no steam nor speedy bursts,
(Anxious with dread throes, the tension is mountin'.)
Scents defeat, the rude, shovin' kind.
(Creeps on with care, an unvaryin' crawl.)

Yellers root blindly from acres of stands.
(Some imbibing on swill, and drinking with glee.)
Harshly rage, so merry with wine.
(Sloshingly bray distillery cheers.)
Between the malt liquor and the cheap brands,
(A stroller gleams, demolishes a tun.)
Men believe the truth of the rhymes.

Svelte hare slews leapin' in a thicket of heather.
(More mellow, craving the sparklin' medallion.)
Smartly waged, so tarries, unwinds.
(Several orders of hours to kill.)
And he blathers and falls on a clump of feathers.
(Time is right for a pause, brain longs for noddin'.)
Then he sleeps, a snooze just sublime.

Were you betting on tortoise or hare?
Sharply gauged, so wary and primed.
Defender sees who won this affair:
He trudged in from too much behind.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

CML - January 24, 2019 - Report this comment
Love a good parody of this song, especially when it includes the canticle. If you get the canticle right, the effect is hilarious … Oh, and this just in; your subs for "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme." are bucking frilliant!!
2Eagle - January 24, 2019 - Report this comment
Do you play "You Don't Know Jack" by any chance?
Agrimorfee - January 25, 2019 - Report this comment
EXCELLENT. I kept seeing the classic Looney Tunes "Tortoise Beats Hare" cartoon as I read/hummed along.
Garfunkle & Cowell - January 25, 2019 - Report this comment
Beautifully conceived and executed---phenomenal word choices here with just the right Renaissancy flair for this hirsute pursuit. Not a complaint here--rather a personal preference--parody-wise, I like a bit more 'Johnny English' with my 'Ye Olde English', more 'grin' with my 'Grimm'. Top Notch!
Patrick - January 26, 2019 - Report this comment
This is a great, old-school parody. I've always found it difficult to match lines when two or more singers are doing different lyrics simultaneously, This is a masterful adaptation that you can hear in your mind if you listen closely. Clever wording, too.
paul robinson - January 26, 2019 - Report this comment
As Patrick and others have noted, a wonderful job, especially doing the canticle lines so well.

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