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Song Parodies -> "Artie, the Tragic Fat Guy"

Original Song Title:

"Puff, the Magic Dragon"

Original Performer:

Peter, Paul and Mary

Parody Song Title:

"Artie, the Tragic Fat Guy"

Parody Written by:

Steve Bryant

The Lyrics

A song about a very funny man who is self destructing.
Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.
Little Jackie Martling, had done it all before.
His career went nowhere when he walked out Howard’s door.

Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.
Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.

He became so nasty, his friends all went away.
His gambling habit got so bad, he lost ten bets a day.
He kept right on drinking, shot up every hour.
He’d eat his weight in cappacola, and never took a shower.

Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.
Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.

Fat guys don’t live forever, Artie finally died.
He’d pissed so many people off that no one really cried.
His mother got his house, his sister drove his car.
No one was surprised that Artie never got that far.

His head was so enormous, a coffin wouldn’t fit.
They buried him at Fishkills, because he smelled like shit.
They didn’t have a viewing, he was much too broke.
The only ones that would have come were the guys he blew for coke, Oh…

Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.
Artie, the tragic fat guy, told Howard he was through.
His gigs dried up, his cash ran out and his sitcom really blew.
We all get tired of extremely successful people who can't seem to be happy. This was written in the hope that Artie Lange would hear it and maybe come to his senses, lose weight, get healthy, get his addictions under control, not quit Howard's show and be happy for the success he has.

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   3
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dylan Baranski - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
So Artie Lange is kaputski? P.S., What is "cappacola"?

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