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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad Of National City"

Original Song Title:

"The Ballad Of Jed Clampett"

Original Performer:

Flatt and Scruggs

Parody Song Title:

"The Ballad Of National City"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

This is a true account of what happened to me, a few months back
Let me tell ya' all a story 'bout a bank I dread
NC.. National City, they can suck my head!
I was robbed by this bank,
Through an escheatment law..
Gave my money to the state,
Rubbed my backside raw..

Savings, that is,
Five figures
Vacuumed, like it didn't exist..
No notification..
Whoosh! gone!
Nothin' left,...but, dollar dust..

Was informed by the teller at the drive-thru branch
Made my blood rush red just like an avalanche..
I screamed, "Whatcha' mean..
Where the Hell's my cash?"
If I'd 'a had a pistol, might a' done somethin' rash..

Blast, that is.
Over there heads first,
Or maybe, not even a warning shot..

Well, the flabbergasted gal says I should go inside
The manager will then explain, so in, I flied
Six words, "I'm with a customer, please wait" she crowed
I was fumin' like a truck flare, ready to explode..

Cracklin fuse, that is.
Dynamite! WHAT..? WAIT..?
At a time like this ???

So's, another gal came over, a good thing, she did
In another twenty seconds, I'd a' popped my lid..
As she fingered her computer, told me "Sir, stay calm .."
My mind was detonatin' like a napalm bomb...

Flamethrower, that is.
Apocalypse Now!
Little Viet Nam!
Boom!!!

She was actin' like it's nothin'...happens every day
My mouth is bloomin' cotton, words are hard to say..
She says they thought that I was dead, account dormant..
"Well, can't you see I'm here alive??" I rave and rant..

Out a' control, that is.
Big Brothered!
"Catch Twenty Two'ed"

She tells me I must call the state, there's nothin' they can do
Wishin' I was Richard Reid, so, I could blow my shoe !
She scribbled down a number, and then handed me a slip..
I could feel hot blood a' squirtin' 'cause I'd bit my lip!

Hemoglobin, that is..
Type A B,
It was all I had left!!!

Homeward, fast I hurried in my silver Malibu
Grabbed a phone, was put on hold about an hour or two..
Now, it's five o'clock on Friday...no one in weekend hours
Had to suffer Sat and Sun, takin' ice cold showers..

Trauma, that is...
Mental anguish...
A truck load of "Why Me's????"

On the phone about a month, I made a call each day
It's hard to get back money once it's whisked away
Had thought about a lawyer, but he would a' jawed a bite
So, I fought like Jimmy Stewart in "A Wonderful Life"

Yelled a lot!
Pumped up passion!
Etched me some nice ulcers..

They mailed a fancy affidavit, said I had to sign
I told 'em they could shove it where the sun don't shine
They wanted me to claim the blame for what was their mistake..
And promise not to sue, I told 'em jump that lake

Superior, that is! The big one..
No floatation device!
Wearin' concrete boots !

After nearly thirty days, received a call that said,
Your Index savings fund's no longer in the red
"That's fine, I'm closin' my account...Get that vault tapped!"
I'll come by in half an hour, have the cash all wrapped..

Greenbacks! Moola!
Filthy lucre! No checks!

Well, they stuffed my bundled bounty in a plain brown bag
Strolled from that institution with a real cool shag
Just wished it could 'a been a billion, so's to leave 'em bust
From now on, Tyra is the only Banks, I'll trust..

Or zippered mattresses!
Backyard holes!
Cookie jars !

And I ain't comin back now, ya' heah?




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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Below Average Dave - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
AFW, this parody is very well written--but I don't have a clue as to the original song, do you know of any place I can reference it or even a midi of it so that I can adequately listen to the song, I mean you earned 5 funny from me, but I can't 5 pacing without knowing the song, and I really like your work--so I'd like to hear the original song, thank you.
AFW - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
I didn't think there was anyone left on the planet who hadn't seen, or at least heard of the old tv show, "The Beverly Hillbillies"...This is the theme song from it...I'm sure if you just keyword, or type "Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song" in Search...it''ll produce dozens of spots where you can read the original lyrics, and load a midi..thanks for commenting.
MasonR - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow--that's quite a story, and one of the reasons I keep two bank accounts, at different banks. I experienced a variation of this...a number of months back, my credit card number was stolen and someone tried to spend around $20,000 with it. Fortunately my bank was on the ball and called me to ask if the charges were Kosher, and I didn't lose anything. But I had to cancel the card, and it took several months fixing all the automatic payments that went through that card. A real pain.
alvin rhodes - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
quite a saga...5s
Michael Pacholek - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Could be worse, could be PNC Bank. You know what PNC stands for? "People Never Count." Try to pull a gun on them, and they'll send their flying monkeys!
Yoidy - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Now that's really frightening! 555 for keepin' your wad.
AFW - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Dave, MasonR: yeah, I've always hated banks, and now I have more reason to....and thanks,alvin, and Michael...good one, and thanks, Yoidy
Tommy Turtle - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Just be thankful that they were wrong about you being dead... "Tyra...Banks" --- good one... Stick these Fives under your mattress.

p.s. I think Below Average Dave is really either an Al-Q***da plant, or a Martian sent to spy on us Earthlings. First, he doesn't know "Auld Lang Syne", and now, "The Beverly Hillbillies"???
Below Average Dave - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL-Sometimes I feel like an alien.
AFW - December 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, TT...
Red Ant - December 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Superb work, AFW. You had me laughing the whole way through. Please make getting an inthe00s account and signing this puppy up in SOTM two of your resolutions. High 5s

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