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Song Parodies -> "For God's Sake John, Pants On! / Dribble Piddle / Till Then"

Original Song Title:

"For God's Sake John, Sit Down! / Piddle Twiddle / Till Then"

Parody Song Title:

"For God's Sake John, Pants On! / Dribble Piddle / Till Then"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

I am currently playing Dr. Lyman Hall, delegate from Georgia, in The Concord Players production of the musical "1776". I've been working on parodies for the show's songs (of course!), and I'd like to share with you one of my "1776" parodies: "For God's Sake John, Pants On! / Dribble Piddle / Till Then" - a parody of the song "For God's Sake John, Sit Down! / Piddle Twiddle / Till Then" in which John Adams fights with Congress and exchanges letters with his wife Abigail.
(The parody's basic theme is that John Adams is a Patriotic Exhibitionist who never wears anything below the waist, and who is therefore trying to get Congress to approve a Declaration of Public Nudity)

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
I have come to the conclusion that one over-dressed man is called a disgrace -- that two are called a law-firm -- and that three or more become a Congress! And by God, I have HAD this Congress! For ten years, King George and his Parliament have gulled, cullied, and diddled these Colonies with their illegal garment-taxes -- Hat Acts, Hose Acts, Breeches Acts, Codpiece Acts -- and when we dared stand up to them like men, they stropped their blades, shaved our hips, blockaded our privies, girned and frowned, and swilled our rum -- and still this Congress won't grant any of my proposals on Public Nudity even so much as the courtesy of open debate! Good God, what in hell are they waiting for ?!

(singing)

(CONGRESS: )
Pants on, John!
Pants on, John!
For God's sake, John -- Pants on!
Pants on, John!
Pants on, John!
For God's sake, John -- Pants on!

(VOICE: )
Someone oughta throw him out the window!

(CONGRESS: )
John, pull them up please!
They're down 'round your knees!
You're not as swell,
As your e-go,
Tells ya!

(TWO VOICES: )
Someone oughta throw him out the window!

(ADAMS: )
I say vote "Yes"!
Vote "Yes"!
Vote for Public Nudity!

(CONGRESS "A": )
Someone oughta throw him out the window!

(ADAMS: )
I say vote "Yes"!

(CONGRESS: )
Pants on, John!

(ADAMS: )
Vote for Public Nudity!

(CONGRESS "A": )
Someone oughta throw him out the window!

(CONGRESS "B": )
Yes! Yes! Yes!
John dropped his fly,
John dropped his fly!

(CONGRESS "A": )
And now Colony,
Number Fourteen's,
In sight!

(VOICE FROM CONGRESS "A": )
Are you gonna throw him out the window?

(CONGRESS "A": )
Should we grab his thighs here?

(ADAMS: )
Vote "Yes"!

(CONGRESS "B": )
Yes, he dropped his fly here!

(ADAMS: )
Vote "Yes"!

(CONGRESS: )
Oh for God's sake, John - PANTS ON!

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
Good God!! Consider yourselves fortunate that you have an exhibitionist like John Adams to abuse -- for no sane Puritan would dress like this!

(singing)

(CONGRESS: )
JOHNSON's a bore!
We've seen HIM before!
Now, for God's sake, John,
Pants on!

(ADAMS: )
I say vote "Yes"!

(CONGRESS: )
NO!

(ADAMS :)
Vote "Yes"!

(CONGRESS: )
NO!

(ADAMS: )
Vote for Public Nudity!

(CONGRESS "A": )
Someone oughta throw him out the window!

(ADAMS: )
I say vote "Yes"!

(CONGRESS: )
Pants on, John!

(ADAMS: )
Vote for Public Nudity!

(VOICE: )
Will someone zip that man up?

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
Never!
NEVER!

Dear God!
For one solid year they have been sitting there -- for one year!
Doing nothing!

(singing)

(ADAMS: )
I do believe you've laid a curse on North America
A curse that we here now rehearse in Philadelphia

When Eden's Eve went up to Adam with an apple on a dare
The two of them both bit it and discovered they were bare
And then . . . you sent us - breeches!
Why not more - pubic hair ???

I say this with humility in
Philadelphia!
We're your responsibility in
Philadelphia!

If you don't want to see us putting
On some stupid British threads,
If you don't want the voice of Public Nudity
Forever dead,
Then, God, Sir, give this Congress,
A whack upside the head!

You see we
Dribble
Piddle
In the hall
On the floor and on the wall
Leaving puddles in the hall
Then we slip and fall

And further
Foul our
Fetid
Soggy
Filthy ----
Stinkin' wool breech-uzz !!

(VOICE: )
Someone oughta throw him out the window!

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
Good God!!

(singing)

(ADAMS: )
They may sit here for years and years
In - stinkin' wool breech-uzz!!

Those unwashed grimy grenadiers
Who - sweat and make speech-uzz!!

They can't agree on what is clean or dirt
Or what smells good or bad

I'm convinced the only purpose
This Congress ever had

Was to gather here
Specifically
To belch and fart like mad!

You see we
Dribble
Piddle
In the hall
On the floor and on the wall
Leaving puddles in the hall
Then we slip and fall

And further
Foul our
Fetid
Soggy
Filthy ----
Stinkin' wool breech-uzz !!

(ABIGAIL: )
John! John!
Is that you carrying on, John?

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
Oh Abigail, Abigail! I have such a desire to knock heads together!

(ABIGAIL: )
I know my dearest, I know. But that's because you make everything so complicated. It's all quite simple, really:

(singing)

(ABIGAIL: )
Just tell the Congress to declare
Public Nudity!
Then sign your name, rip off your clothes,
And, hurry home to me!

In Braintree nudity runs rampant,
The whole town is turning "blue"
All the tabby cats are hairless
And I've started shaving too
They say we may get sunburned --

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
Madame, what else is new?

Abigail, in my last letter, I asked you to organize the ladies to make saltpeter for the men of Philadelphia to consume to prevent embarrassing displays once Congress signs a Declaration of Public Nudity - have you done as I asked?

(ABIGAIL: )
No John, I have not.

(ADAMS: )
Why have you not?

(ABIGAIL: )
Because you neglected to tell us how saltpeter is made.

(ADAMS: )
By treating sodium nitrate with potassium chloride, of course!

(ABIGAIL: )
Oh, yes -- of course.

(ADAMS: )
Will it be done, then?

(ABIGAIL: )
I'm afraid we have a more urgent problem, John.

(ADAMS: )
More urgent, Madame??

(singing)

(ABIGAIL: )
There's one thing every woman's missed in Massachusetts Bay
That's right, you smirking egotist, you guessed what I will say!
We've gone from Framingham to Boston
And we can't find any men
Yes, we know there's a war on, please don't tell us THAT again!
Well, we will not make saltpeter,
Until you send us . . . MEN !

(spoken)

(ADAMS: )
Men, Madame? Saltpeter!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!

(ADAMS: )
Saltpeter!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!!

(ADAMS: )
Saltpeter!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!!

(ADAMS: )
Saltpeter!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!!

(ADAMS: )
Peter!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!!

(ADAMS: )
Peter!!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!!!

(ADAMS: )
Peter!!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men!!!

(ADAMS: )
PETER!!!!

(ABIGAIL: )
Men.

(ADAMS: )
Done, Madame...done.

(ABIGAIL: )
Done, John. Hurry home, John.

(ADAMS: )
As soon as I'm able.

(ABIGAIL: )
Don't stop writing -- it's all I have.

(ADAMS: )
Every day, my dearest friend.

(singing)

(ABIGAIL: )
'Til then . . .

(ADAMS and ABIGAIL: )

'Til then . . .
John shall
As he ever does
Ask Franklin for free
Whores . . .
Whores . . .
Whores . . .
Whores . . .
Whores . . .

(ADAMS: )
Saltpeter . . . John . . .

(ABIGAIL: )
Men . . . Abigail . . .

(CONGRESS: )
For God's sake, John . . . Pants on!
"1776" by The Concord Players . . . www.concordplayers.org

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

T. "WE" S. - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
If this doesn't make Sherman Edwards and Peter Stone start rolling in their graves, there ain't nothin' that will!
MrMacphisto - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but damn this is funny... lol
Johnny D - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Pseudo-Rev "WE", and thanks MrMacphisto!
Rick D - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Unlike you in your "pants down" state, you must have a fairly "small part" for you to have time during this production to write all these. You are giving me an idea, though. I'm starting work on a parody of the entire "Jesus Christ, Superstar" musical. To avoid hassle, it won't have anything to do with Jesus.
Charlie Decker - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
When I was in 6th grade, my brother was a production of 1776, and would go around the house all day long singing this song (well, the original). In fact, he still does occasionally, and it drives me nuts. So this song is very refreshing, to say the least. Excellent, 555.
Johnny D - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Rick D and Charlie!
Jack Wilson - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
This is awesome! Youve had great parodies of songs from this play, keep em up!
Paul Robinson - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny D - I'll have to come back to this later on. My time machine is in the shop but I expect to get it out before they close tonight. I'll hop in it and check this one out later this evening.
Stray Pooch - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, the subject's no Penis . . .! I'm little flabbergasted at this one, Johnny, but you are rockin' as usual!! 555. Wish I could get up to see ya in that show but the IRS owns me for the next few years and money is tight! Break a leg!
Johnny D - April 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Jack, Paul, and Stray Pooch!

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