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Song Parodies -> "Kimber"

Original Song Title:

"Timber"

Original Performer:

Pitbull ft. Ke$ha

Parody Song Title:

"Kimber"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

A Kimber is a modern Colt M1911A-1 based mod that is overrated, over-hyped, and heavy, with just 8 rds and usually jams or barrel warps 6000 rds or under (like the 1911A-1, often under 3000)!!! In this scenario a killer with a Kimber threatens police with the .45 ACP and gets taken down by a Walther P-99QA .40 cal ;-)
[Killer]
It's going down, I've got a Kimber
You better move, and do it fast
Feet take to flight, moment of terror
I've got this gun, it is the best

[Police]
The badder they are, the dumber their call
That big .45 is nothing at all
I have 'im in my sights, safeties off
Heavy paperweight type is wrong, Kimber
Eight rounds, lookin‘ tough, Kimber
Mod ‘11A-1 cool, what? Kimber
It looks nice but jams at will
He bets it won't, but I bet it will, Kimber

It can’t shoot 6000 rounds
It‘s a sight, but then it’s down
Barrel warps, heat risk is found
It’s a sight, but then it’s down
It can’t shoot 6000 rounds
It‘s a sight, but then it’s down
Barrel warps, heat risk is found
It’s a sight, but then it’s down

[Killer]
It's going down, I've got a Kimber
You better move, and do it fast
Feet take to flight, moment of terror
I've got this gun, it is the best

It's going down, I've got a Kimber
You better move, and do it fast
Feet take to flight, moment of terror
I've got this gun, it is the best

[Police]
He‘s ready to die, it's absurd, he’s insane
Nah, he‘s just a fool, not a damn thing's changed
Lived life well, had hot dames
Cash throw-away, money weren’t a thing
Colt 1911 mod held proud, foolish
In with the “All-American” crowd, foolish
He about to die, why? Kimber, like his mouth, is foul!

It can’t shoot 6000 rounds
It‘s a sight, but then it’s down
Barrel warps, heat risk is found
It’s a sight, but then it’s down
It can’t shoot 6000 rounds
It‘s a sight, but then it’s down
Barrel warps, heat risk is found
It’s a sight, but then it’s down

[Killer]
It's going down, I've got a Kimber
You better move, and do it fast
Feet take to flight, moment of terror
I've got this gun, it is the best

It's going down, I've got a Kimber
You better move, and do it fast
Feet take to flight, moment of terror
I've got this gun, it is… sh-t, WTF??? (Stoppage)

BLAM!!! BLAM! (Double tap)

[Brought down by a Walther, F-ck Kimber]
Note: Not all models made by Kimber are bad, they are just not as lightweight, accurate, and robust as German guns HK and Walther that can blow through 50,000 rds no stoppages, jams, nor barrel warp. And YES I'm qualified to say that as I have owned and/or fired all of those and 100+ other small arms. Kimber pistols suffer from bad magazines, feed and extraction issues, and rust problems. None of these affect the HK and Walther lines ordered by many armies, SF Units, and HRUs.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 4
 4
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   19
 19
 19
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Parodist - January 16, 2014 - Report this comment
This is NOT a parody by any definition of the word. This is total bull. You have written zero (0) parodies in your years of loitering around here.
Patrick - January 16, 2014 - Report this comment
6000 rounds of .45 ACP at today's prices would run about $3000. Few Kimbers, or any other pistol will ever fire that many shots. You could buy two or three decent handguns for the price of one Kimber. The 1911's I see these days at anything resembling an affordable price are from the Philippines. Any idea on their future? Don't know the original song in this case. Doubt very much a cop in a high intensity scenario would recognize what his opponent was carrying.
Rob Arndt - January 16, 2014 - Report this comment
@Disgruntled, beaten Parodist... apply your standard to the entire site and you will find that most parodies submitted on any given day are not even funny, but just sarcastic and a reflection of the media's current events. To parody is to not just make fun of but to twist an OS and make it something else. This parody takes "Timber", a dance song and video, and turns it into a slam against the pistol Kimber. My parody follows the pace of the OS and my title rhymes perfectly. I may find this funny and/or amusing and so will a few others. Sorry that you lack knowledge of firearms to interpret the lyrics of the parody and connect the dots. That is your problem, not mine. Patrick will recognize that title and knows the lyrics well and the truths of what I am explaining. I used a killer with the .45 ACP to mock the badass dudes that buy these hoping for instant firepower glory and bragging rights. If you ever fired one or owned one the reality is of an unreliable weapon that jams frequently just as the Colt M1911A-1 does. It has a horribly designed mag, rusts, and has trouble feeding and extracting rounds. This is the worst thing for personal protection. I added the Walther P-99QA b/c it is my favorite pistol and its accuracy and robustness is well-known; in fact, the names of Mauser, HK, Walther, Erma, Korth, and Rheinmetall are well-known all over the world as far as guns of all types go. Colt sucks and has been bailed out by Congress three times in as many decades to prevent better advanced combat rifles from reaching our troops in need- two of the last being German HKs (G-11 and XM-08 which is US joint version of the G-36). So file that in your brain Parodist. Btw, how do you speak with any authority here as there are many types of parodies??? Please provide your author sheet for direct comparisons and to see if you follow your own parody standards in your works. We won't hold our breath as you won't.
Rob Arndt - January 16, 2014 - Report this comment
Can't speak for all police depts in the US but most have weapon recognition training and the two most known pistols in the world are the Luger and the Colt M1911A-1. The Kimbers are usually shiny mod versions but there are a lot of other M1911A-1 customs out there too. MPs and Secret Service get weapon recognition training too. Btw Patrick, Walther experimented with a .45 version of the P-38 in WW2. No requirement...
Rob Arndt - January 16, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey Patrick, have you come across other M1911A-1 variants or clones like these: AMT Hardballer, Colt Delta Elite, Coonan .357, or L.A.R. Grizzly???
Patrick - January 17, 2014 - Report this comment
I see the variants occasionally at gun shows. In "Gun Tests" magazine, the stainless versions especially have a poor reputation for reliability. There are a lot of guns that seem to make it no further than a worked up prototype sent to a magazine writer.
Rob Arndt - January 17, 2014 - Report this comment
I've heard that Angelina Jolie has quite a gun and knife collection. The knives people give her from around the world. Don't know much about the guns except that she has two favorite HK Mark 23s and has on occasion carried a HK Compact USP.

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