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Song Parodies -> "Really Toxic"

Original Song Title:

"Regal Hat-Tricks"

Original Performer:

John A. Barry

Parody Song Title:

"Really Toxic"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

During early WW2 the German Army (Heer) experimented with a new form of "Greek Fire" called N-Material that once ignited could not be put out by any means. It repelled water and if submerged jumped right back out of the water! It couldn't be buried nor snuffed out either. When tested on captured concrete bunkers in the West, it ate through them like acid. So the German Army with limited production decided that the substance was too hazardous to even store, let alone use in battle. It was canceled, but the SS under Himmler took the substance over and built a hidden fortress in the East- Faulkenhagen which had a central facilty that produced the substance and stored it in massive concrete bins weighing massive tons and kept separate from one another through a rotating suspension line that ran through control units. If a fire broke out that control unit would be sealed off and then a massive water tower would flood the unit under heavy pressure as smasher units pulverized the substance into smaller bits to burn out underwater with no chance of escape. Venting slits at the extreme top of the units allowed excess water escape. Amazingly, no fire ever broke out and the substance now known as CIF3 was manufactured for war use. The SS was so occupied by production that they never got to use it, much like the stockpiles of German nerve gases! The Soviets captured the facility and were surprised by the find!
Strange substance of German Heer sent armed troops scramblin’
once ignited, new “Greek Fire” refused to die
Was tested on thick bunkers in conquered lands
N-Material ate on through- no surprise!

(High burning rate. . .once alight)

Just stockpiling the stuff caused the Heer terror—
consumption unchecked if started; just one spark
produced quite a scare, everyone aware
fire over there, panic everywhere
Substance hot as hell repelled water
crackling and fizzling, white-hot until last part

Canceling this weapon would be smart!

Really toxic. . .caused dread. . .and yet it found backers
Herr Himmler of the SS: “production starts”
At Faulkenhagen substance was covered—
thick concrete bins there, no expense spared
Storage containment units ‘cause they dared
under high-pressure hydrants, tower fed all parts

Was rushed! Stockpiles built up. Loaded trucks! For quick start!
Was up to task? CIF3 plant unmarked!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   19

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Parody fo a parody X30... to JAB, don't know how that dash got into your title... but it still shows up on your page. If you want me to re-submit for the correction, I will :)
Rob Arndt - November 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Note: Facility was Falkenhagen (correct spelling), was for incendiary use, and more here:

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