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Song Parodies -> "Child Stars"

Original Song Title:

"Price Tag"

Original Performer:

Jessie J

Parody Song Title:

"Child Stars"

Parody Written by:

LPG-Unit

The Lyrics

Wrote this in response to a bunch of scandals and mishaps with child actors, those who previously had a theatrical career as kids, and the recent obscenity backlash with the local version of Big Brother in the Philippines involving youth participants in rather risque situations. And upon reading Diana Serra Cary's interview about her colourful and somewhat tragic life during the days when she was known as Baby Peggy, I felt like summing it up in the form of a song. The OS was, despite its ironic message in that it eschewed materialism yet it was made out of it, seemed fitting for a nod to a now obscure but never forgotten child star.
Okay, Jackie Coogan, Temple, and me
Where's Judy?

[Verse 1]
Seems this occupation's at a price
No wonder why my peers got blight
When hard work comes first
Your childhood made second
My life in the fast lane; oh, fright!

Why are children now obnoxious?
Seems they've all gone boisterious
Playing songs about highs*
With your jokes, I'd cry**
That it ain't even like the old times

[Pre-chorus:]
It's as if what's wholesome has left
Friends and I just gasped to their fright
Can you hear that, yes
She's "twerking like 'Mile tonight"

[Chorus:]
I'd say be careful honey, honey, honey
If you'd be still wholesome my dear bunny
At one time we act and tap dance
What happened to them child stars
Ain't about the (yep) the cash you bring
Once you mess up, yes, the pain, it stings
Back we act and tap dance
What happened to them child stars

[Verse 2]
We need to take it back in time,
I starred in silent films and shined***
The jokes aren't low brow, but stunts, they blow
A few years came to pass, I was tired

You can tell that I am so upset
Dear, you're still young and don't forget
You'd enjoy your life and just take some time
If not risk being caught in a crime

[Pre-chorus:]
It's as if what's wholesome has left
Friends and I just gasped to their fright
Can you hear that, yes
She's "twerking like 'Mile tonight"

[Chorus:]
I'd say be careful honey, honey, honey
If you'd be still wholesome my dear bunny
At one time we act and tap dance
What happened to them child stars
Ain't about the (yep) the cash you bring
Once you mess up, yes, the pain, it stings
Back we act and tap dance
What happened to them child stars

[Verse 3]
Yeah, I
Felt bad with child stars
Should get their lives back
It's like a bad dream; not a laugh track
Dad splurged at, at clothes and cars
A yacht and garage
And all I, yes, all I need
More than "seeing stars"
And guess what? Some years gone and passed
I left, went so far
Yes this gig made me cross
Worked on irregular jobs

Tell you what, dear
This gig's got a price on your life
We do this for the love
But it's quite a sacrifice
Do it right
So you ain't in trouble or worse, ever
Got caught in greed, or struggle back on your feet, uh uh
So we gonna keep everyone
From certain defeat
So bring back the beat
And then everyone sing
Please be still wholesome, honey

[Chorus 2x]

[Outro]
Yeah, yeah
Oh-oh
What happened to them child stars, yeah
* - Referring to recent pop acts making music about hard drugs and casual sex.
** - Some comedians have resorted to condescension and ribaldry, to which authors and bloggers have expressed concern over it being a negative influence to society.
*** - By the time Cary was six years old in 1924, she was dubbed as "The Million Dollar Baby" due to her $1.5 million a year salary. She did all of her stunts, many of which would give Child Protection Services one heck of a field day. Disillusioned by the work she had to do, and following the Depression, she went off and lived under an assumed name.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   4
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User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - November 27, 2015 - Report this comment
DKTOS, and a lot more "makes its point" than "funny." Apparently, she got the worst of Hollywood at both extremes: The beginning and the end.
LPG-Unit - November 30, 2015 - Report this comment
Yeah, it's more of a satirical commentary than something to laugh at. As for the song itself, here's a link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMxX-QOV9tI

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