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Song Parodies -> "I Wish That I Was Buoyant"

Original Song Title:

"A Little Drop Of Poison"

Original Performer:

Tom Waits

Parody Song Title:

"I Wish That I Was Buoyant"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

Some people are expert swimmers for this guy this is not the case...
I start to drown... Since I am far from buoyant
I hold my nose when diving in I start to sink
Swim lessons blow, Backstrokes are forced by this sick teacher
I'm jealous of beavers while in the drink

I'm glad that I'm tall so here by the shore I'll stall
Teacher says: "Let's go deeper". I'm not buoyant!

Did a warlock turn my body right into concrete?
I'll holler and I'll splash but won't float
Salt water in my eyes these goggles are failures
Let me stay dry on the boat

I ignored your cat calls on this big pink raft I'm sprawled
I'm tired of you bastards who are buoyant

This raft always worked till it was popped by seagulls
Now I'm screwed can't paddle to be safe
With these flippers and a snorkle, Yes a snorkle
These pesky waves are now my grave

I tried the front crawl but the ocean had me mauled
You couldn't tell that I was far from buoyant

There was no big draw though hot there was one flaw
I told you guys that I was not that buoyant
Sorry for getting a little morbid on this one guys but Tom Waits does that to a guy...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   6
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User Comments

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Abbott Skelding - October 15, 2015 - Report this comment
I agree that it's very Tom Waits-esque. Nice rhyme with the original song, although not a lot of yuks...but I'll chalk that up to the original song. Well done.
Agrimorfee - October 18, 2015 - Report this comment
The transition from the problem of not being able to swim to drowning because of a guano-strewn liferaft was kind of murky for me (shouldn't this guy avoided being near water in the first place?).. Well-done rhyming subs throughout, as expected from you, though.
Max Power - October 19, 2015 - Report this comment
That's my swimming skills right there.
bobpiecheese - October 20, 2015 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I agree with Agri that the story was a little iffy, and there were a few pacing issues, but otherwise this was enjoyably morbid. The only way this would've been more morbid was if the poor singer was swimming in Australian waters, where drowning's the least of your problems what with the sharks and the jellyfish and swimming knives. Also, buoyant is a fun word to say. 555!
Blaydeman - October 23, 2015 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Tonally perfect and creepily morbid, very much in the style of Waits. Was the plot a little confusing? Maybe. I think what really hindered the laughs for me was the lazy singing of Waits himself tied to your lyrics. It made the pacing very difficult to follow. In parody, we write very specifically and word things in a very particular way and that really clashes with lazy vocal styles. Other than that, I enjoyed this tale of woe.

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