My best friend
He came over
Went out and we made him just the other night
But three hours later
A couple of my neighbors
Came and sang some carols and he sprang to life
He said "I know that I'm made of snow
But don't give me a button nose
And I really don't wanna hear
About the same damn guy every year

And well I'm not the one with a jolly happy soul
Why must I have two eyes made out of coal?
I'm not the one who somehow came to life, so
Sing different carols if you don't mind!"

Now I can understand
That if you see a reindeer
You're gonna call him Rudolph
He's a special guy
But then day by day
The reindeer starts to lose it
Every time you sing that song he gets uptight

Says "I know I can handle snow
But I don't have a shiny nose
And I really am just a deer
And no I can't fly up in the air

And well I'm not the one with recessive chromosomes
Why won't you untie me and let me go?
I'm not the one who lights up the night, so
Sing different carols if you don't mind!

And I don't need to hear
About jack frost and his bitin'
And I don't need to hear
About his nose it was bright and
The night before christmas shite and...

Up at the North Pole
Christmas time is over
Santa makes a list of who's been good or bad
But his bearded head
Older and older
It's all done by computers now it makes him sad
Said "It drives me insane
Sittin' with the Mrs.
Stuck doin' nothin for eleven months!
And I feel so dumb!
I think I'm getting fatter!"
Well then with a clatter
Jumped into his sleigh
Said "I don't wanna have to go
Dont sing that anymore!
'Cuz I really don't wanna hear
About a man with boots and a beard
And so I'm not content living up here in the snow
Might take a trip to Mexico-ho-ho
I aint got jack for work 'til Christmas time
So sing different carols if you don't mind!