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Song Parodies -> "Eggnog Was Tossed, It Makes Me Pout"

Original Song Title:

"My Dog Was Lost, But Now He's Found"

Original Performer:

The Fiery Furnaces

Parody Song Title:

"Eggnog Was Tossed, It Makes Me Pout"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This is for Peter Andersson's ONE WEEK NOTICE challenge (Week 10) hosted once again by Agrimorfee! Even though Halloween was only 3 days ago (by the time of this posting) There's no time like the present to bring you an early Christmas themed parody! A anti-tribute to the worst drink in existence!
Won't pick eggnog
I turn green when it is poured
That messy slime is gunk that's abhored
Think it's delish.... Then your mind's dim, You dork!

Made my blender go splat and I wrecked my whole flat
That crap made me wet when it shot off like a jet
Eggnog just sucks, It makes me frown
Eggnog is junk since now I'm doused!

You gave me a jar and I'm mentally scarred
You mixed it with gin but the outcome's still grim
Eggnog I tossed, It makes me pout
Eggnog is crossed off my list now

Go pump in some rum but still the flavour leaves me numb
My tongue will stay dryer since I won't be a buyer
Eggnog is chucked right to the ground
Eggnog's such muck won't touch an ounce

That drink I won't order because of the odour
You unveiled the Smirnoff but it still was a turnoff
Eggnog has struck my aching mouth
Eggnog's just drunk by hicks down south

The scent has me "Pee-Ew!" from my party it's removed!
It wrecks every Christmas Day worse than that sh*t fruitcake
Eggnog's like rotten sauerkraut
Eggnog's like snot from a pig snout

Tried to drown it with bourbon but that cup was still a burden
In your snow-covered cottage I was trapped just like a hostage
Eggnog's like butt on a dachshund
Eggnog is fought so it's not downed!

How did this garbage come from cream? One sip will make me scream
I griped so much but no one listened, They gave me that ooze that glistened
Eggnog's a blot and makes me shout!
Eggnog is stomped into the grout!

I pity the poor cow that's used to make me scowl
You're gonna hear me growl cause this beverage is foul
Eggnog's low-cost and you'll get plowed
Eggnog's that sauce that thins the crowd

Nog makes me purge, It's gross and white
Here till Easter, friend, That lard is such a fright
I tried eggnog: It knocked out my lights
Egg holocaust is so unsound!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 3.6

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   1
 3   1
 4   1
 5   5

User Comments

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Agrimorfee - November 03, 2017 - Report this comment
Would you for some mulled cider, then? Happy holidays! 555
Donny - November 03, 2017 - Report this comment
Man, Jonathan ain't gonna like this one!
Claude Prez - November 03, 2017 - Report this comment
What sort of MONSTER doesn't like eggnog??? Other than my wife, I mean. Seriously, though, lots of fun rhyming here -- and I'm in total agreement on the sauerkraut point; it's like someone told someone else they couldn't make cabbage more nasty, and they were like "wanna bet?". Anyway, good job man. This OWN stuff is fun.
Peter Andersson - November 04, 2017 - Report this comment
Fun for the whole noggin, and this was my favorite passage:

That drink I won't order because of the odour
You unveiled the Smirnoff but it still was a turnoff

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