Pretty good but more rhyming would help.

David, I checked this one out, too. I'm not really knocked over by this one either, but that doesn't mean it's bad. This particular humor is not really my "cup" of tea. Must agree with Claude on rhyming, this song really is tough to follow without rhymes in the right places. There are a lot of songs that work ok without a stringent rhyme set, but I wouldn't say "Soak Up The Sun" is one of them. Now it MIGHT work IF the word ending sound about the same even if they don't actually rhyme. Possibly....but you'd have to try it and see what you come up with. Another suggestion: You'd find a word to end your first line with that says what you want to say and see what else rhymes or syncs ok with it. For example, you might have ended line#1 with "really huge" and then hooked up either straight rhymes or some words like "nude, lewd, viewed, rude, dude, stewed". Again, you would have to try it out and see if it really worked or not Final thought here - if the original rhymes you wanna at least be in the ballpark on word endings. I'll take a look at your "Author" list and see if I know the originals on your other works. Keep writing....