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Song Parodies -> "Homely No More"

Original Song Title:

"Lonely No More"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Rob Thomas

Parody Song Title:

"Homely No More"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Reuben

The Lyrics

Thank you to Leo Jay and Arwen for their advice on this one
Do you have to scream
When I ask you on a date?
No mace it hurts my face
Please don't stick your dog on me
Cause I swear to you I won't always look this way
Flabby man boobies
And my ear hair's frizzy

But I don't wanna be homely no more
I don't wanna have to look like this
When I walk up and knock on my date's door
Don't wanna get shoved into the bushes
I don't wanna be ugly no more
I don't wanna have a face like this
So before you laugh and beat me up know for sure
I don't want to be homely anymore

Can't control my pee, so I have to wear Depends
Chicks, they just can't see, past my excessive flatulence
And my nails are green, missing half my teeth
Girl, you don't really like my farmer's tan
Scratch my groin with my hand; got that itchy rash again
Makes me want to cry

I don't wanna be homely no more
I don't wanna wear this pelvic brace
When I see a hot chick and I try to score
I always get the door slammed in my face
I don't wanna repulse you no more
You yell "Hi Gene!" but my name is Jace
So when you think you're gonna dump me know for sure
I'm not gonna be homely anymore

What if I work out for you, what if I would brush my teeth
What if I would wax my unibrow and pick my nosehairs clean
If I stop attracting flies, bathe with regularity
Shave my back, clean out my ear goo, lose the pork-chop, mullet hairdo

I don't wanna be homely no more
I don't wanna face all full of zits
Gonna buy deodorant at the drug store
So you don't have to smell my sweaty pits
I'm not gonna have stank breath no more
I decided to invest in mints
So when I blow a kiss you won't faint on the floor
I don't want to be homely anymore

I don't wanna be homely anymore...

Won't find my dates at the dog pound anymore...

Won't ask grandma to prom night anymore...

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 30

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   29
 30
 30
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Jeff is back (And as homely as ever?) Just kidding mate, Great work here!
Arwen - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh how I LOVE Rob Thomas! And OH how I love making fun of homliness. Excellent job, Jeff!
Jack Wilson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
This was awesome! 5s
Ashkicksass - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Well all I can say is, it's about dang time Jeff! How long have I been telling you to shower and brush your teeth? Good thing you're such a good parody writer...
Jeff Reuben - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Matthias, Arwen, Jack, and Ash! Seems I finally got back on the wagon =)
Kristof Robertson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Great stuff, Jeff...all the butt-fuglies of the world, UNITE! 555

But, wait...am I hallucinating or is that Mrs Kicksass returned to the fold? Hello stranger!!! :-D
AFW - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Very enjoyable and humerous testimonial
Leo Jay - October 31, 2007 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but the lyrics are great. And hey, thanks for the mention, guy!
Peter Andersson - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Extremely funny stuff here but IMHO you sacrificed a bit of pacing to achieve that, the number of LOLs made up for that and this is still a contender though! :-)
Guy - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - You know you are really ugly when you look the word up in the dictionary and your picture is there as an example of ugly. 5 hits from the old ugly stick.
Max Power - November 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Lonely 5ives
Matthias - November 15, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) For one thing I love this parody, VERY, VERY funny. For another thing you're not homely just very.... Errrr..... You.
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - November 19, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well, you know I loved this one, it's not all the time I decide to accompany someone:) That was fun jumping in and doing supporting vocals. . .I should do that more often. . .great parody Jeff, love it.
Agrimorfee - November 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good Weird- Al-style goofiness.
Mikey Squirrel - November 28, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM- Well, they say looks are not important, it's how you parody that attracts a woman. At least that's what I want to believe. Very funny and well done, Jeff.
bobpiecheese - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Jeff Reuben is back in business? Doing an OS I know? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!

Um, well done, 555, you know the drill.
stuart mcarthur - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) hey, is that "invite Grandmom to Prom night" a nod to Kristof's old parody, Jeff? - if so, we're getting like the hip-hoppers here on amiright - some great lines here, and I loved the appropriately whiny recording - 555
Kristof Robertson - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above....a brilliant tribute to the beauty-challenged. Nice work, Jeffaroo!
McKludge - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - DKTOS because I'm not a Rob Thomas fan, but this had lots of good lines about the socially challenged.
Phil Alexander - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, you bin spyin' on me, Jeff?
Jason - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very good
Matthias - February 10, 2008 - Report this comment
My favorites by you. Favorite parody, and favorite recording! All around perfection in humor!!!
Max Power - February 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Commented
bobpiecheese - February 15, 2008 - Report this comment
(WILD) See above!
Michael McVey - February 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Sad, but true!
Invisible Boy - February 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Loved "Hi Gene"...this was packed full of great lines and images. I can just imagine that you are really an Adonis...as we all are !
Red Ant - March 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I think I commented on the recording... excellent work there and great recordings start with great lyrics. One of your best, IMO. 555
Mark Scotti - May 25, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC) Deformed Brilliance!!!
Abbott Skelding - June 07, 2010 - Report this comment
ABC- 555 all the way! Great work!
Below Average Dave - June 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Jeff, I love almost everything you've ever done, you know that, but this one for whatever reason has always resonated strongly with me. I have always found it particularly hilarious, part of it is how opposite it is compared to the original's smooth flowing vocals, and Rob Thomas' intentional sexy look that accompanies it. You know, I put everything I was working on when you released your initial version of this, got Recisio's backing track, edited it, and put in my backing vocals because I saw this one in a way I guess others may or may not--I love this one, which is why I jumped on it when I had the opportunity.
Andria - June 08, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC G & H) Are you sure you're not Weird Al Yankovic masquerading as someone named Jeff Reuben? I get that feeling with much of your work. One of your best ever, and this guy in the parody seems like he'd make the average homeless alcoholic smell like a rose. 5s.
bobpiecheese - June 12, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC-GH) See above (again)!
Christie Marie M - June 12, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC G/H) When's the last time you shaved your back?! LOL (j/k)!! I really enjoyed this OS lots! At first I thought that Enrique Iglesias sung this OS, but I like Rob Thomas, too. Clever use of hygenic humor and got me laughing big time. At ditto on the "deodorant" line...which I would like to call "armpit perfume" like Dennis The Menace does in the 1993 movie. 5 shaving creams, 5 body wash, and 5 shampoos for this one.
Warren Baker - June 14, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC G/H) This is a defining definition of homely. Great work! I'm still laughing at the "faint and hit the floor" line. Inspired. 5's.
DJ Blaze - June 14, 2010 - Report this comment
This guy needs to meet a cleaner shrimp more than anyone. MARVELOUS. 555
Agrimorfee - March 18, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry 2) "Hi Gene!" Nice to see this here again. --damn, this song sucks more than I remember
Abbott Skelding - March 20, 2014 - Report this comment
I gotta go with the above consensus about the "Hi Gene" line...funny stuff! A lot of great lines that went with the OS pretty well. Nice work!
Glen S - March 22, 2014 - Report this comment
I'm glad you entered this Jeff. Its great and has tons of classic Jeff gags. Great rhyme scheme, and I'm also a fan of the 'HI GENE' line. Great work overall, and its good to be in a tournament with you again. It feels like several years since the last one we were in together.
Max Power - March 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Then suddenly it's midnight...
bobpiecheese - March 24, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above! I'd say third time's the charm, but that'd imply it took three re-reads to full enjoy this, and this was fantastic from the get-go.
Matthias - March 25, 2014 - Report this comment
This is a classic Jeff Reuben parody and a Below Average Dave recording. This one is fantastic!
Blaydeman - March 25, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Super funny, but gross imagery!

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